what are you gonna do if a wizard casts a malevolent spell on you. like how much do you think home invasions happen. i will give you a hint: not a lot! and even less of them are armed! and in 60+% of those cases, the perpetrator is someone the victim knows! because it turns out there is not a giant roving population of hans grubers out there who want to break into a stranger's house and kill them for funsies! like, in the already vanishingly rare case that you do get burgled, the vast majority of burglars don't want to meet anyone, let alone shoot them! this is literally pure usamerican castle doctrine brain--based in paranoid fantasy and not in reality.

with the added implicit insanity of 'if anyone breaks into my house for any reason it is morally a-okay for me to want to shoot and kill them"

striking a man dead to protect my samsung smart TV is praxis

Or what, get robbed? Home invasions don't happen much and a strict gun control is needed, but shooting a burglar that came into your home is perfectly reasonable, they made it clear they're more interested in your property than their life.

average usamerican visibly salivating over the concept of getting to murder a human being over $200 worth of jewellery

i have multiple times driven sooo drunk like drunker than ever in my life and was fine but when im sober i cant drive bc it gives me too much anxiety. tbf the times i drove drunk were very late at night on country roads when nobody else was on the road but its still technically immoral. i get that drunk drivers are overconfident and think that theyre doing a good job when they arent but like literally i cant drive when im sober because im too shaky and nervous. yes im a walking red flag

You already sell coke

I mean the good sort of coke

Oh, you mean Pepsi?

YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT

Wait, I mistyped.

I meant DIET Pepsi

If talking types of coke, Dr. Pepper is superior

Nah, Diet Dr. Pepper x Cream Soda wins

I was referring to cocaine for Christ's sake, now get all of you corperate fucks, get the fucking hell off my train

It's rather nice here, actually. @official-wendells, what do you think?

but I like public transport

Me too. @amtrak-offical, I think we'll be extending our overnight car stay.

I have a better idea...

@culvers-unofficial Culvie, Amtrak is being mean to me

NO ONE IS MEAN TO MY SIBLING >:((

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT-

Kill! To the Death!

Get off my goddamn train or lord so help me, I going to personally end each and everyone of you monopolistic corperate leeches on society

Fuckin' try it, this is why I have The Creature™

May the Burgder have mercy on your souls.

I am a soulless capitalistic corporation though

And soon a dead one <3

Can't kill what never lived

You'd be surprised

Are you referring to the lifeless soulless husk of bill clinton???

Ahh yes, the one that got away, I'll get back to chasing him with a rifle on Sunday, haven't done that since '96

A good ol’ fashioned hog hunt

I would have killed him too if they let me into the cia headquarters

Anyways the post is over, hard to convey in text form

Source

If the government is involved this will just be another disaster! 😂😂😂

Government inefficiency is due to private influences (corporations and the rich). Anyone who seriously thinks the private sector is more capable of handling public services simply has to read the article directly above for an example of how they are failing you. This move to make tax returns a public service is the exact opportunity to prevent private influences from muddying an otherwise efficient process

I hope every ceo in the nation kills themselves, but today my ire is aimed at tax preparation CEOs

Leverage had a lot of well-researched things to say about the real world, but the one I always come back to, from The Double Blind Job:

Sophie: These are not small fines. Last year, my department handled a case where the company had to pay out $2.5 billion.

Hoffman: Oh, yeah. Everybody heard about that. But what the news didn’t tell you is that that company made $16 billion on the same drug. That fine was 14% of the profit. 14%. That’s like tipping your waiter.

Emmet made this post

This has been a short summary of my political ideology

You know, it occurs to me that the known internet phenomenon of Reddit “am I the asshole?” posts having completely misleading headers is actually a really great example of a far less known but far more common practice of extreme journalistic spin in cases where there are large monetary incentives to diminish the story in question.

Like, if you see a Reddit post titled “Am I the asshole for buying my wife a new dress?”, the post is pretty much always something totally deranged like: “I (48) really dislike the way my wife (20) dresses, because I think it’s too revealing and makes her look slutty, which was fine when we started dating five years ago, but it makes me feel like she’s going to cheat on me now that we’re married. I’ve politely asked her to get new clothes multiple times, and every time she refused because she said she liked her clothes, and didn’t want to waste money buying new ones. Yesterday I couldn’t take it anymore so I threw out a bunch of her old dresses and bought her a new one that was more modest looking. She started crying because one of the dresses I threw out had been left to her by her mom who died when she was a teen, but I couldn’t have known that it had sentimental value. She said that I should have asked, but obviously if I asked she’d have just told me not to throw out any of her clothes, including the ones that weren’t sentimental. Also, the more modest dress I bought was pretty expensive, and she never thanked me for it. Am I the asshole here, or is she being unreasonable?”

Similarly, whenever you see a headline like “Woman Wins Millions From McDonald’s Because Her Hot Coffee Was Too Hot”, if you dig a bit, you’ll almost always quickly find out that what actually happened was: A 79-year-old ordered coffee which, unbeknownst to her, was being served extremely dangerously hot, because McDonald’s was trying to have coffee that stayed warm over a long commute without spending any extra money on cups with better insulation. The coffee spilled on the old woman’s lap, giving her severe third degree burns over a huge portion of her body, including her genitals. She got to a hospital and they managed to save her life with skin grafting, but she became disabled from the accident, and her genitals and thighs were permanently disfigured. She tried to settle with McDonald’s for her medical costs, and McDonald’s refused to cover any portion of her medical expenses at all, and so she sued. At trial, the jury discovered that this same exact thing had happened seven hundred times before, and McDonald’s had still decided not to change their policy because paying out individual suits was cheaper than moderately reducing their coffee profits. As a result, the jury awarded punitive damages designed to penalize McDonald’s two days worth of their coffee profits, in addition to the woman’s medical costs.

I think it’s largely the same phenomenon, but I know a lot of people who are familiar with the first case, but don’t know to look for the second. If you see some totally outrageous “how could a person ever sue over this stupid thing?” case, you should immediately be incredibly suspicious that that’s all that actually happened, because a lot of the time, it absolutely isn’t. The people who have the most incentive to make their opponent look not only wrong, but completely crazy for having any sort of grievance at all, are often the actually unreasonable ones. 

Anyway this is all to say that if I see ANY of y’all automatically siding with McDonald’s over the recent case where 4-year-old girl was severely burned by their chicken nuggets because “hurr durr dumb kid didn’t know that chicken nuggets were hot, people sue over anything lol”, I will grab that McBoot you’re licking and shove it all the way up your McFuckingAss.

Reblogging again. Firefox is an excellent, safe and fast browser and everyone should consider using it.

Don’t just consider it. If you have the ability to switch to Firefox, this is your official notice to do it.

Stop everything you’re doing and go download and install Firefox.

If you’re saying, “well, I need Chrome because I need such-and-such extension for my job”, the computer will not explode if you install another browser. Use Chrome ONLY for work tasks and use Firefox for everything else. If you’re concerned about losing your bookmarks, Firefox can import your Chrome bookmarks.

[ID: Firefox Library window. The “Import and Backup” panel is expanded, displaying the option, “Import Data from Another Browser”, which is also circled with a red MS Paint ellipse. ID end.]

And, don’t forget to install uBlock Origin while you’re at it.

Forgot a thing. Subscribe to Mozilla VPN for bonus points. It’s basically the only truly secure VPN service in the world right now.

For $5 a month, you can completely conceal your online activities from your ISP in a manner that isn’t just immediately monetised or turned over to the cops. No, it’s not free, it does cost money, but the money doesn’t go to line a billionaire’s pockets.

I wonder how much of this is because of work/school from home forcing people to use Chrome so all their stupid monitoring softwares and platforms can work.

This is also your reminder that you don't have to use just one browser. You can use chrome for all the monitoring bullshit your office wants you to run and use firefox for everything else.

Be sure to add the multi account containers extension to your firefox, which allows you to be logged in to multiple accounts on the same website at the same time in the same window but in different tabs.

look on my five open tumblr accounts (not sideblogs, accounts!) ye mighty and despair.

Firefox is super good, folks. It's good in a general "google shouldn't own everything in the entire fucking world" sense AND in a "this is an actual good product that does lots of cool shit" sense.

ALSO make sure to add the Ublock origin extension on Firefox - I haven't seen a youtube ad in five years and you don't have to either.

While you're at it, why not add the Wayback Machine extension so that if you go looking for a page that has been taken down the wayback machine will automatically offer you an archived version instead; also handy for documenting people's shitty takes and winning arguments after they delete the original post!

Worried that Firefox is going to slow down your computer? In benchmarks, modern versions of chrome and firefox are pretty much the same speed but you can still install the auto tab discard extension ANYWAY so that it will snooze unused tabs in order to keep your computer running faster. Set it to sleep, discard, close, and store tags at your discretion!

And while you're at it: install Firefox as your mobile browser for android and add those extensions to your mobile browser! Mobile adblock is here, baybee, save your data and enjoy a better mobile experience! And install it on iOS! iOS can't add extensions, but at least it's better than safari, and if you want a somewhat more private iOS browsing experience try firefox focus for iOS (which is also available on android but you can accomplish the same thing with extensions).

Anyway, firefox is good.

Also: in January 2023, Chrome is making some changes to plugin architecture that effectively neutering adblockers.  If you want good adblocking, you won’t have it in Chrome.  Use Firefox

(In fairness, some Chrome-derived browsers like Vivaldi and Opera have openly parted ways with Chrome about this, and more power to them, but Firefox is the way to go.)

judy hopps is a cop who leverages a strangers felony tax evasion to get him to put his life in danger and work around the clock so that she can keep her job

she then presumably helps him cover up his crime to get him a job on the same police force

judy hopps has some very nice feet but we need to remember that she’s still a cop

just fyi for everyone out there using tumblr on this day that you can reblog a post without the extra commentary by clicking the OP’s URL on the original post

She is a cop and all cops are already unsexy

I’m sorrynotsorry to everyone in the notes just learning that Tumblr is a place for horny furries to blog about acab.

Unfortunately, Judy Hopps is very sexy AND ALSO a cop and therefore a bastard, and insisting that all cops are automatically unsexy is still attaching appearances to morality. Remembering that things can be sexy and evil, or ugly and good is imperative! Forgetting this derails and disrupts the conversation.

“Poor? Have you tried starving? “

What if we

And I do mean this

Set their buildings on fucking fire

“To recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less.”

― Oscar Wilde

Looks like they’re doing both at once now!

call me 9/11 the way her bush makes my tower explode

ah, an opponent arrives... [draws my sword and turns around] hm. your footsteps made you sound taller... [sheathes my sword and draws a second, smaller sword]