Dear various gods and entities, please let Gritty join them.

i once read an urban fantasy series where neanderthals had been genetically re-engineered and now existed as low-class citizens working menial jobs. There’s a Neanderthal Rights Movement and everything. it’s not even part of the plot, it’s just occasionally mentioned.

and that was the moment i realized writers really can do whatever the fuck they want

OH THANK THE GODS* I have been half-ass trying for three hours to figure what I want to reread next (because New Things Are Too Hard Right Now) and Thursday Next is perfect because it's been, like, a decade. YES. THANK.

*belatedly realized I should actually just literally thank gaud but you know what here we are

abandoning all other philosophies to become a hedonist. I no longer having political views I only exist in a continual state of gluttony & slothhood

25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????

This is an eerily accurate description of every facility social event I attended as a teacher, especially those last two years. And I'm not being metaphorical, this is... This is just reality.

Finally, the threat has been contained. New York is safer tonight because of this valiant effort.

COVID-19 Pandemic: Heroic Women Homage by Milo Manara *

THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I’VE SEEN THAT INCLUDES VETERINARY WORKERS. THANK YOU!!! 🐾🐾🐾

me, learning about the greek pantheon in elementary: wow, I love athena, so brave and smart

me, after reading about the story of medusa: athena is a spiteful, dumb bitch who can’t direct her anger at the right people! wack ass hoe

Me, after learning than Medusas head was used as a sign of safety and female autonomy in women’s spaces because it was seen as a gift from Athena, to allow Medusa never to be harmed that way again: oh dope, Athenas on our side. Kill a man who dares to look upon you with possession in his heart.

Me, after learning that Athena holds herself to the ‘not like other girls’ standard and usuallys sides with whatever the nearest dick-toting diety says: what the fuck what a fake bitch

Me, after learning that most of the media depicting Greek Gods by the ancient Greeks that survives today was commissioned, designed, and made by men, and therefore does not depict female interpretation or telling of the myths, and is probably extremely biased towards a misogynistic portrayal of a strong woman: the canon Athena was in our hearts all along.

To honor Chadwick Boseman, remember what he stood for and fight for it.

the oversaturated golddigger trope gets pretty gross under examination…when u remember how it’s only been a few decades since women have had any realistic sort of opportunity of earning a steady middle-class income through their own labor (still only true in certain countries & demographics),,, and how pay still isn’t equal,,,and how for the vast majority of thousands of years of human history (with rare but real exceptions in certain culture) the only real shot at financial freedom most women could hope for was the death of a husband, which may or may not finally allow her to own and control her own property,,,,,, like we get it already, women are greedy whores who are out for all they can get, shame on her for wanting a man for his money as opposed to huge badonkadonks come up with a new stereotype  

This is exactly why I hate the gold digger trope.

In my country married women were seen as legally incapable until 1956! My own grandmothers were considered incapable of making financial and legal decisions!

To open up fucking bank account your husband had to give you a damned permission slip.

So as women your options were to either a) not marry (and as you can imagine, not a lot of career opportunities)

Or marry someone who is more well of than you so he wouldn’t leave you high and dry when he kicked the bucket.

How weird that some women would pick option B…

I don’t know what country you’re from but I’m american and it was pretty much the same: 

Please note that none of these battles are over. These were turning points, but american women today still lack equal access to all of these rights, and states have fought back against these laws with many levels of success, delaying national progress by decades. 

NEVER let anyone use the existence of Sex Discrimination laws, the Civil Rights Act, or recent (hard-won) gains in LGBTQ+ legal rights, as proof that sexism, racism, and queer discrimination are not alive and thriving, both within and outside of the law. The burden still very much remains on the minority individual. 

Bold of you to assume Ben Shapiro knows what to do with a vagina.

And we're just... Just skipping right over "a la Susan B. Anthony" like that? Really?

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

the time is now

hell yeah

ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

it’s called the purple ramjet

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

shove a vase up your ass

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

i call it the matterhorn

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

of course this is the post where tumblr is like “Seems sfw to me!”

I call this one the Megahorny

Just cram an entire table lamp up there

Me every time this post crosses my dash:

My laugh at this post is auditory evidence of just how sick I still am.

Plate. 

I’d usually post this to my NSFW blog but this is making me laugh so unreasonably hard that I can’t fucking breathe and therefore deserves to be on my main blog

Compiling some of the best ones from the replies-

How you gonna do us like that bruh???

ITS BACK

M U S H R O O M

en garde

Big yikes

nonlocal area code = hang up. obvious telemarketer

local area code = hang up. this one is also a telemarketer but trying to be sneaky

never answer the phone ever

this is why everyone on this website is a virgin

I’m not gonna fuck the telemarketer man

When we were children, my sister had private music lessons at her violin teacher’s house. I only visited there once, but I still remember that afternoon. The teacher had an artificial pond in her yard, a large beautiful thing with lily pads and plant life. And in the pond, there were goldfish. I had never seen such enormous goldfish. 

I spent several minutes just staring at them (and trying to convince them to bite my fingers.) When my sister’s violin lesson ended, her teacher came out to the yard and explained that these goldfish were the same small creatures that were often unfortunately sold in plastic bags at state fairs. They were only about two inches long apiece, when she bought them and put them in the new, empty pond. In essence, they were like every goldfish I had seen before, but they had been given a much larger, much richer environment in which to flourish. As a result, they had grown into some of the most remarkable, vibrant creatures my twelve-year-old self had ever met with. All because of a pond. 

Funny what lessons children remember. My sister doesn’t play the violin anymore, but that was the first time I caught a glimpse of the overwhelming extent to which it matters, the way the world treats us.

“My sister doesn’t play the violin anymore, but that was the first time I caught a glimpse of the overwhelming extent to which it matters, the way the world treats us.“

Meirl

I'm moving out tomorrow (again) and honestly I love my parents so much, and they're wonderful, and I'm DEEPLY thankful that I have them as a safety net, especially in this circumstance. And also I can't wait to get out and go be a real person again.

Obscure details about Finn that the films don’t tell you

Finn’s squad in the First Order was the FN Corps, who were personally under the command of Captain Phasma. They were made up of FN-2187 (Finn/87), FN-2003 (Slip), FN-2199 (Nines), and FN-2000 (Zeros). Finn was the unofficial leader of the squad.

Finn was one of the best Stormtroopers that the First Order had ever trained and was recognized as Officer Material by Captain Phasma. General Hux had considered him Captain Material. Most of his superiors considered Finn a born leader.

Jakku was Finn’s first mission against the Republic, but Finn had gone on other missions before to other planets and had also completed simulations where his kill count would break records. Finn had no issues going to battle with the New Republic. In fact the biggest issue he had was the fact that he was always looking after his less competent squad mate Slip.

Finn would have been one of the best soldiers if it wasn’t for his inability to shoot or harm civilians. An issue that Zeros and Slips did not have. Only Nines did, but still followed Orders. Even though Finn could have been the best, he just couldn’t pull the trigger on a civilian.

Out of everyone is his squad, Finn is the only confirmed survive. Slip was killed by Poe Dameron on Jakku, Nines had been killed by Han Solo on Takodana, and Captain Phasma had been killed by Finn on the Supremacy. Zeros may be the only survivor as his status is unconfirmed.

(Petition pending to get Michael B. Jordan to play Zeros)

Finn is specialized in all First Order equipment to the point of being a sharp shooter with a blaster, a master of the Z6 baton, almost all First Order weapons in general and being able to identity any weapon or tech of theirs. That is why he knew what model of tracker the First Order was using in TLJ and was able to identify the mini Death Star canon. Finn also has an almost perfect photographic memory due to being able to memorize the layout of both Starkiller base and the Supremacy with extreme accuracy.

Kylo Ren had been impressed with Finn‘s capabilities during their lightsaber duel on Starkiller to the point Kylo had to tap deeper into the dark side to beat Finn.

Finn is deeply conflicted about fighting Stormtroopers due to the fact that many of them didn’t have a choice in the matter of who they served under like him.

Finn is one of the most compelling protagonists of the franchise, right along with Ahsoka and Luke, because while he is the most dangerous to both sides of the war due to his skills and knowledge, he actively tries to save lives instead of end them. Finn’s upbringing left no room for love. He was stolen away from his family before he could even make memories of them. He tried to dedicate himself to the the First Order, but couldn’t. Finn chose to leave the only life he had known because he couldn’t let even one innocent life be senselessly killed.

Finn has earned the right to be called the sequel trilogy protagonist and I’m hoping Episode XI will bring this badass center stage again.

GOD DAMN FINALLY OTHERS KNOW WHAT I KNOW

These obscure details weren’t so obscure back in 2016, but the fandom changed pretty quick.

Apparently my new hobby is fucking men who don't cum, and if I'm being honest, it's kinda great.

Like, I'm delighted if you do. That's always fun! But we're gonna have a good time whether or not you ejaculate, so I'm no longer considering it a crucial part of the event. Now I've just got to teach the poor boys that they don't have to apologize to me about it. I'm not offended, baby, and I know I sucked your soul out - I don't need your semen as proof.