Mental Health Vent Blog

I’m trying to find some mens alternative clothing but I can’t find anything that works with my body type and it’s giving me really bad dysphoria + making me feel bad about my weight. I just wish I could wear oversized jumpers and black skinny jeans and actually look good. :(((

God I just had the worst dissociative episode I’ve ever had and I feel so bad now

I haven’t been around multiple people sober in over a year and in general since December. I thought I could handle it but I couldn’t. We went to a fair and I think all the loud noises and people really got to me. I went with my best friend(Ollie) who I barely see because I live far away and a couple of other friends who haven’t talked to me in forever and my brain completely shut off. I’ve never felt so out of control over my own body before, and I feel so embarrassed and guilty because I don’t think Ollie had a very good time and I wasn’t present enough to check up on him. I’ve had dissociation before but it’s always made me kinda distant or robotic. I’ve never had dissociation where it’s made me super extroverted and excited and it’s very embarrassing. I stopped talking to people this year so I could be authentic to myself and it’s so upsetting that I dissociated and started acting like someone else. I also just feel so bad that Ollie might have had a bad time because of me. I’m just so confused and embarrassed this really sucks, I’ve literally never felt out of control like that before.

Coping with negative dreams?

It’s my 18th birthday party rn 👍