I hate how the stereotype is that dolphins are good and sharks are evil, when dolphins are so smart that they have the capacity for evil but sharks are simple fish who can only be true neutral, so even if a minority of dolphins are evil there are still more evil dolphins than sharks

Rough

Reblog if you think Donald Trump should be the first man on the Sun.

I don’t want a sugar daddy but can I have like a sugar auntie? Just a sweet old woman who gives me money cus she knows I’m going through it and she believes in me and her grandkids don’t ever call so she writes me in her will.

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He’s already married. To me. FML

I just sent a dick pic to this guy and he replied “is that all?”..

Ungrateful smh I’m not gonna send like 10 pics!

I’m pretty sure he wasn’t talking about the amount of pictures…

Giving off girl next girl vibes

why do straight ppl think they can whine about gay ppl “throwing their sexuality in our faces” when almost every waking second of every minute of every day of my life is filled with heterosexual romance media and heteronormativity. like u think 2 girls holding hands in public is rubbing their sexuality in ur face you have no fucking idea what queer people go through on a daily basis shut the fuck up

making a new password like me: beefstew computer: sorry password not stroganoff

oh my god

*slowclap*

are you the friend that opens water bottles or the friend who has to hand over water bottles to get them opened

Fireplace made from an old naval mine

Today, I fucked up... by cleaning my son's room

I was cleaning my 6y.o. son’s room, and doing my annual purge of crap he’s managed to hoard. I have this big pile of stuff to throw out in the living room, when he comes in, pulls some stupid paper butterfly out of the trash pile and tells me I can’t throw this away because it was a present.

He goes to a lot of birthday parties and gets a lot of goodie bags with this sort of thing, so I tell him it’s junk and it’s going in the trash. Besides, it’s all bent up and I tell him (like a douche-dad) that if he values things he should take care of them.

He leaves, and some 5 minutes later he returns, visibly distraught (he’s clearly been thinking hard about this). He says “It was a present…for you.”

“For father’s day.”

I swear at that moment I heard every angel in heaven slow clapping.

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

I wonder if you’re allowed to make friends in Hell. Or is it kind of like silent reading time, but with more fire.

More fire? What kind of silent reading did you have????

what kind of show is this