I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’
Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.
Trixie Mattel is right, getting to know your neighbors is the best inoculation against being annoyed by their noise. it only works up to a certain point, but for just regular footsteps or the occasional bass leaking through or a party once in a while, the anonymous Fucking Neighbors are people i will kill for doing their laundry at 10:14pm, but Steven and Ray who live upstairs and sometimes have to jog across their hardwood at 8:39am because they forgot to pick up their Clif bar before they put on their shoes for work are my good pals and i look forward to barricading the building together during the financial collapse.
not to be problematic but i literally do not give a shit about age gaps when dating vampires. they thirst for your blood. "but it's predatory!!!!" yeah. it is. "they're preying on you!!!" they're vampires. they do that. "it's a power imbalance!!!!!!" what part of vampires are you not getting
I mean age gaps are usually the least problematic thing about vampire/human ships.
that alphabet completionist blog has activated something in me so now i think i'm just gonna start making posts where it seems like a quirky little joke at first except underneath i subtly try to include all the letters. already made one but it didn't catch on so now i have to make more. i realize this might be a bit silly and pointless of me but i don't care. i wanna win the alphabet
you could at least tag me if you want to suck my dick
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
26/26
most insane reddit comment i've gotten is someone saying that they had a brief catholic phase because "sex should be for procreation only" just seemed "right" to them. And then they realized they were an atheist but had a breeding kink.
see also:
one of the best/funniest dynamics on TV is antagonistic best friends who insult each other constantly but are immediately in cahoots whenever there’s a whiff of shenanigans. nothing better than two bozos bickering nonstop as they execute the stupidest plan you’ve ever heard
Why did we ever stop wearing 18th century clothing
to wear 19th century clothing you Georgian rake
The vampires are fighting
in junior year of highschool my art teacher would let our ceramics class play music of our choice off of her desktop. we usually used spotify or youtube but she did have one album downloaded on her computer. it was a halloween sound effects/ambience collection. i dont remember why she had it. there was a track on there called "burning screams" which was exactly what it sounds like. just a cacophony of screams alongside crackling fire. she only let us play it on very special occasions, and we would cheer and jump with joy every time. it was like a pizza party to us
please imagine 6 teenagers with giant sad puppy eyes looking at a dear sweet 50 something year old art teacher and asking "may we please hear burning screams"
i dont know where burning screams came from. ive looked. its lost media to me. burning screams is my white whale
headcanon: in DnD & similar settings, the reason clerics have limited spell slots is not bc their deity stops listening to them after a certain number of requests, but bc there's only so much contact with divinity that any mortal can withstand
the higher-level the cleric, the longer they've been in contact with the divine, and the more they can interact with that divine before it takes too much of a toll to continue... but it still takes its toll
@calamitys-child said:
I like this a lot n kinda like that it opens up a sort of last ditch effort mechanic? If you’re out of spell slots but desperate then you can have one more go, except whatever your spellcasting roll is becomes the amount of damage you take as a consequence of overreaching yourself
YEAH nd like. From a narrative and aesthetic standpoint, I'm really interested in what that damage looks like? a cleric of a sun god pushes themself too far trying to heal a companion, and as they force the power through their body, wounds open that seep light instead of blood...
just. divine damage is a hell of a concept.
this tweet hasn't left my mind once in the two years since it's been posted
I love that half of the tags are just people losing their minds cause he’s wearing sneakers.
I think out of all the pictures on this blog, this is the one that's prompted the most tag comments and the range from "shoes?? on the furniture??" to "such a mood. what is this silly little man thinking about" to just plain thirst is truly wild
I met Carrie Fisher exactly once at a convention, and when I met her she immediately bought a poster from our booth with the words “Hey Assbutt” on them with the intention of sending it to Harrison Ford for his birthday.
I’d like to think of that as the epitome of how I’d like to have met her and honestly wouldn’t want it any other way.
Apparently Fisher regularly went to cons and would spend hours in Artists’ Alley buying bags worth of art, to the point where you could track her path around the con by watching artists freak out on Twitter over the fact that Princess Leia just bought their stuff.
Carrie Fisher was a goddamn treasure.
love how tumblr staff has time to censor words like “paint mixing” and “my face” and yet they can’t get rid of ssexsophie8127 thats been liking my posts from 2017
fuck you
i won
through all this trans stuff every healthcare person i’ve had to talk to has sooner or later put on their sad bastard voice and tentatively asked what’s going to happen with my ltr, and when i go “oh he’s cool with it, no worries” they do that particular little “uh-huh” that’s the polite version of oh this poor delusional dumbass etc
and like i know that transitioning torpedoes a lot of relationships but today rabbit woke up and the very first thing he said, head still on the pillow, was “if you’re going to be a guy, you’re going to get shit from other guys if you can’t do push-ups. don’t worry, i’ll show you how to do them!!” and then a moment later, eyes wide, went “oh my god. i’m going to teach you to drive stick.”
okay the prize for the funniest reaction for this particular line of questioning goes to a specialist i see for something unrelated, because when he asked “and what does your husband think of that?”, i wasn’t feeling up for getting into it and just went “well he’s bi so he doesn’t care”
and this absolutely hit him for six, and he went “and what do YOU think about THAT?!”, which caught me off guard in turn, so i said “well i am too, so… positively?”
and he just stared out the window in deep thought stroking his beard for a good ten-fifteen seconds in silence before going, contemplatively:
“i didn’t know that could happen.”
patient changing gender: well that shouldn’t interact with your medication, you’ll just need to change some paperwork, let the girls at the front desk know
the conceptual existence of bi4bi relationships: ??????????????
When I came out as trans to my dad, he said the trite “i love you anyways” stuff and then my stepmother came in just… absolute preaching about how I was making a huge mistake, that this wasn’t what God wanted for me, that I needed to think about it… I didn’t even reply. I was so… Annoyed? Because I was raised atheist and I still managed to get the religious rejection on coming out.
Turns out, after talking to my wife, they didn’t care about me being trans… they cared if I was springing it randomly on my wife and ending our marriage over it.
?? to which she said “i mean, I’m trans too, so I’d hope it shouldn’t be a deal breaker”
Think she blue screened and from then on it was “we support you”.
Like, had no idea two people could communicate well enough with each other to know these things before entering MARRIAGE…
