It's just a shit show.

SOMEONE PUT IT INTO WORDS

women hate me and fish attack me on sight

I’m surrounded by beautiful fish and women and they’re telling me they don’t know you

I really think Rasputin lucked out, in that being remembered by history as some species of giant unkillable sex wizard is something most of us can only fruitlessly aspire to.

My biggest pet peeve is being talked to AS SOON as i wake up. I hate that shit. Stop tryin to communicate with me. Stop askin me questions. Im tryna understand the universe all over again dont talk to me yet ur gonna confuse me and piss me off.

⚠️ MORNING PEOPLE DO NOT INTERACT! ⚠️

obsessed with this muppet clip where Gonzo breaks a piece of machinery and then just stares at the camera in an empty room and says ‘GUILT’ in the most harrowing way possible

Old Time Bull Terrier with a prosthetic leg.

just had a dream someone made a “human inclusivity” flag made up of every skin tone but it quickly became problematic when it was co-opted by a group of online cannibals who called it the “flesh flag”

I mean cannibals already have a flag, but I could see this happening

they what now

what a great day to remember that we should not colonize mars, the whole concept is anthropocentric, imperialist, unrealistic and just weird, and the idea of establishing the same capitalistic systems that have turned out to be our downfall on another planet instead of solving problems on earth is so incredibly short-sighted and power fantasy driven that it makes me want to eat glass. the exploration of outer space should always be expressively and only for the benefit of all humankind, not to fill the pockets of some billionaires with a god complex. fuck elon musk all my homies hate elon musk

omg imagine if we colonized mars just to establish a fandom outpost… like only members of fandom could live in the colony. we would have soooo much fun!!!

thought i should share

I laughed so fucking hard at this

i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

unrestrained summer fun

ʰᵉʸ ʷᵃᵗˢ ᵘᵖ ᵘᵗᵘᵇᵉ

+ book of answers +

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

this is a man who has experienced The Public

“Look at me”

standing up too quickly gives me temporary access to shrimp colours

Finally, honest reporting