a detailed list of things I hate:
- hot weather
- high temperatures
- heat
- warmer than average conditions
paprikapony-deactivated20210526
reblog if you’re obsessed with imagery and symbolism and also are a homo
One of my favorite genres of post
i gotta show yall a our discord classic
I love tumblr because you’ll see a beautiful poetic text post cross your dash saying something like “when two characters loathe each other but only because they perceive the self in the other, a jagged reflection whose gaze they cannot meet. They circle one another eternally like spiral galaxies, and neither will ever be able to admit that they understand the other better than anyone else they’ve ever known🌌”
And then you read the tags your mutual put on it and they’re “#SO true #this is Glomgold and Scrooge McDuck fr🥺” and you have to go about your day and deal with that
The thing is . Your mutual is probably right
I cannot BELIEVE you guys actually signing up to netflix just because account sharing was banned. You need to learn about cool websites with many beautiful women who would love you message you and send you downloadable files.
it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.”
i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me.
When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.
“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”
@nakimochiku i CACKLED
The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.
Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.
So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.
Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.
oh shit
today i overheard a girl say "no, f*ck that. i will be lovely to everyone. maybe some people will remember they have a heart."
I just heard the mighty bellow of a beast outside. Great. Just what I need.
this is the sound of the summer every summer forever
so a few days ago i sat down for dinner and my mom handed me the camera with a strange look on her face. all she said was “you need to see this” and i was like ?? okay
but then
that is my dad with a pigeon on his head.
SO OF COURSE MY REACTION WAS JUST “WHAT?! HOW??? HOW” and APPARENTLY when my dad was outside gardening, he saw it land on the roof of our house. and then it just. flew down. and landed on his head
BUT NOW IT WON’T LEAVE
like the other morning i stepped outside to call my dad in for lunch and the pigeon was just sitting on the front porch watching him work
best friends forever
Framework of a man if it had wings, St. Nicholas serial, 1873
You're walking outside on a spooky October eve thinking you're safe when all of a sudden you hear "Ride of the Valkyries" being played on the xylophone overhead
Encounter: Skeleton (Flying)
my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”
oh “meeking a smee” made me feel like i was being fucking tazed
theres a lot of people on this website who dont realize their dad is a gnome
pirates of the caribbean really introduced an eldritch octopus man who kills indiscriminately and torments the dead as their poster villain and then you watch the movies and it's like, "oh no, actually the worst villain in this series is a small white british man who functions as the herald of capitalism" and that was very very brave of them
you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday
i dreamt this post got 19k notes overnight and everyone i knew had disowned me for for my cat 5 Sack Slip event
accidentally clicked on r/frugal and this is the top post and i’m losing my mind