cats have such a beautiful relationship to space. I’ve never seen an animal so small able to take up half the length of a couch simply by sitting in the least efficient spot possible

damn ok lake superior

Ok yeah that lake is superior

Purrito for lunch

(via)

im so fucking determined to get better i swear to god lets do this bitch lets go

its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know

we have already. They don't know exactly what is up with it, other than the sweat being slightly more acidic than normal and the acidic mantle being thicker and Way more acidic than normal, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with acidosis. As far as we have tested, our family has had this since at least my great grandpa, and the guy lived to be 93 years old.

What the fuck.

op is a xenomorph descendant from that one time ripley fucked the queen

He doesn't deserve his sons, either, tbh.

Anon hate from the late 1800’s.

What I love most about this is that this person was SO INCENSED at the recipient that they couldn’t even wait the days/weeks it would take for the mail to go through. No, they had to say “FUCK YOU” as soon as fucking possible and, AND, let the recipient that they were not done with the fuck you, nay, this was merely the first volley in what would undoubtably be a dressing down of Biblical proportions.

i will gleefully reblog this every time i see it

oh hey its the post i based this off of

*Said with complete and total confidence while the party was fighting a carnivorous plant*

unwilling narrator

the weight of a story is hard to bear but someone's gotta be atlas

the first rule of detective fiction is that the detective in question should ALWAYS just be the nosiest person alive and never be a cop

Evansville Press, Indiana, February 8, 1913

first image:

FOUND VERY MUCH ALIVE BY CORONER

“Oh, Hell, Can’t You Let a Feller Sleep?” the “Dead” Man Asks

.

second image:

‘Nope,’ He Says, Body Isn’t His

GALILEE, R. I., Sept. 24 (AP)—Charles Keville walked into a temporary morgue and looked at a body which had been identified as his.

“Nope,” he said, “that ain’t me,” and walked out again.

gothic horror rlly is just. aw fuck look at what youve done. the house has inherited your inter-generational trauma and in response has transformed itself into a metaphorical device to track the decay of the family. we're never gonna pay off that mortgage now

The “I miss you” paw

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watching oshi no ko and the ending, mephisto, is by queen bee. the band’s lead singer avu-chan is of japanese and african-american descent, openly transgender, and HAS THE RANGE

you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie. 

this has forty notes. that’s forty more notes than expected.

THIS IS A VERY GOOD POINT and deserves more notes

LISTEN i don’t normally engage in Discourse but this information is DANGEROUSLY MISLEADING!

the point of the riddle isn’t to figure out which one is lying, in fact, knowing which one lies and which one tells the truth is irrelevant. What you want is the correct answer from the magical beast/two guards/etc. Usually this means knowing which path to take. For that, you HAVE to ask it “if i ask the other head/guard/etc which is the safe way to go, what will they tell me?”

if you asked the truth-telling one, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because the liar will always mislead you. if you ask the liar, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because they’re misleading you, so

ALWAYS do the opposite of whatever answer you get.

“who cares this is a stupid tumblr post this doesn’t matter irl–”

WRONG AGAIN! story time:

A few years ago a friend threw a halloween party, and since he dressed as the Riddler, he decided to have a riddle contest.

now, i’ve been preparing for a riddle contest my entire life, since i first read the hobbit and it got bilbo out of trouble. for some reason, i assumed riddle contests were as inevitable as quicksand.

I answered the first riddle easily (it was one of the ones from the hobbit) and then i had to answer the next one to win a bottle of top-shelf rum. it was a variation on the two-guard riddle, only i had to choose one of two paper bags. one had crappy cheap vodka, the other the nice rum. 

the host and his friend did the classic one lies one tells the truth thing, and of course before i asked everyone started shouting “ask him what color your hair is!” and stuff like that, but i already knew what to ask, so i shushed them and won the rum

remember, kids, it doesn’t matter which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. all that matters is you get the correct knowledge to move you forward, win your rum, and make you seem like a superhuman riddle-solver to a crowd of drunken party guests.

always be ready for a riddle contest

Here’s a thing that usually doesn’t come up when people try to criticise this riddle as well. One of the conditions of the riddle is typically that you only get to ask one question. You arrive at the liar and the truth teller and you need to find out which bridge is safe and which one will collapse when you’re halfway across.

They tell you that one of them always lies and that one of them always tells the truth. And they tell you you can ask them one question.

If you ask “What’s two plus two?” than great. You know which one lies but you also still don’t know which bridge you can cross and can’t find out.

You played yourself.

i can get the answer in zero questions. block all the other exits, light them on fire, and see which way they run.

^ Look at Alexander the Great up here, cutting the knot and all.

Im sorry but the mental image of someone's packer falling out of their pant leg is so funny to me. Hey king uh you dropped your dick

Imagine me dropping my dick and the having to look for it on all 4s like Velma searching for her glasses at the club

Joke's on you all my posts are flops. You'll never get me

Uh oh.

Shout out to everyone telling the story of how the lost their cock in public in the tags I have been laughing for 10 minutes straight

I refuse to let this stay in the replies

Something something cinderfella

westley in the princess bride was so funny for being like ‘talk about this dead guy you loved lol’ and getting the tea about himself

oh he was ur true love? you thought he was hot n strong? rate him 1-10 and why