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Facts

@facts-i-just-made-up / facts-i-just-made-up.tumblr.com

All facts reported herein are made up and presented for entertainment and satire. If any facts posted by this site are true, it is only by mistake. Now you can't sue me.
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Anonymous asked:

Look I know what the gimmick here is, but in another post you mentioned going to CU Boulder. Was that a made up fact or was that a glimmer of truth in a mire of lies

There are many glimmers of truth here. These are the lights that draw you deeper into the darkness, like Frodo in that one scene, or a bug zapper.

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what are the card suits?

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The card suits as commonly known are Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds, but is was not always so. Various decks for many games and purposes have different suits including:

  • Tarot Cards- Swords, Cups, Wands, and Pentacles
  • Uno Cards- Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue
  • Credit Cards- Visa, MasterCard, Discover, and American Express
  • ID Cards- Driver's, Insurance, State, and Social Security
  • Sports Cards- Baseball, Basketball, Football, and Calvinball
  • House of Cards- Democrat, Republican, Independent, and Whig
  • Score Cards- Golf, Mini-Golf, Bowling, and Witcher Romance
  • Punch Cards- 100100100, 10101011, 10010, and 1001000101010111
  • Pokémon Cards- Electric, Grass, Poison, and Planeswalker
  • Orson Scott Cards- Ender, Alvin, Homecoming, and Ravenous Homophobic Bloggings That Sully His Entire Body Of Work
  • Hallmark Cards- Thank You, Happy Birthday, Condolences, and "Sorry I Got Semen In Your Eye" (yes I know that was a cake)
  • Alu Cards- Castlevania, Hellsing, Waverly, and no joke, my friend Alucard J***** from when I was in college at CU Boulder. We met because you could look up people by name on the school website like pre-facebook and spam bots and see their info and email and I looked up the name as a joke and there was one guy and I emailed him like "Dude your name is Dracula backwards!" and it turned out he's related to Bram Stoker and goes to these meetings of his family in Ireland each year and I went with him once and met this girl named Ryann and we hit it off and walked around talking way late into the night and then she turned into a bat and left and I never saw her again and when I went back to tell Alucard, there was no trace of him at college or anywhere else and it turns out Stoker's family all died off in the early 1900s. True story.
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Anonymous asked:

who runs this blog? tell me a bit about yourself.

I cannot be defined. No words about me can ever be written or spake. Also my main google picture as an author is still me at like 5 years old and the second one is an unrelated Ari Bach who looks absolutely nothing like me.

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why is it called tumblr? last i checked there was no tumbling going on here

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It’s named after its creator, David K. Tumblr, who got rich on a Yahoo deal for our many, many, MANY sins.

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Why is Radahn's horse named Leonard.

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He's named after Leonard Cohen. Much like Dragonslayer Ornstein and Ludwig the Holy Blade, From Software have a tendency to name their characters after musicians and Leonard is a reference to Cohen's song, "Ballad of the Absent Mare" which has the lyrics:

So he binds himself To the galloping mare And she binds herself To the rider there And there is no space But there's left and right And there is no time But there's day and night

This is of course a reference to Radahn's binding of the stars and how he refused to give up his horse as he grew enormous, learning gravity magic to stay together.

Also notable is the musical name origin of Dragonlord Placidusax, which references the prog-goregrind band "Draconic Plasidusax" and their song "Beheaded Twice In The Cyclone Of Time" with its lyrics:

Red lightning defiles me I defile your soul Spill my innards on the arena floor Lock on during the teleportation part And run like hell during the big bolt charge attack Or when he disappears and comes flying back Cuz he will wreck your shit