Facts About Bisexuality

It was very brave of you to come out to your family not knowing how they would react. I am sorry that your dad sees this part of you as an illness to be cured or an enemy to be fought. He is wrong: your orientation is morally neutral, simply another aspect of who you are. It also is in no way incompatible with Christianity. Mentions of homosexuality only occur in a couple of places in the Bible and never at all in the Gospels. Yet, some Christians choose to focus on these mentions while ignoring problematic things the Bible says about topics like slavery, or even things that might just seem inconvenient, like dietary law. Their choice to fixate on homosexuality reflects an agenda that comes from a place of intolerance towards those who are different. They use the Bible to reinforce their intolerance, but it is not the source: the Bible is not particularly concerned with sexual orientation. It is concerned, most dramatically in the Gospels, with treating marginalized people with love and acceptance.The first thing you should do is remind yourself about all of this. Build yourself a set of emotional armor: you know that your orientation is not an illness or an enemy, but it can still hurt to hear that from someone you love. Then it is up to you to explore your options. Sometimes bigoted parents have open minds and will change their viewpoint if their child tells them that their words or actions are hurting them. Some, unfortunately, don’t, either because they are too invested in their beliefs or because they derive their worldview from a source you can’t access, like authority figures above you. If your dad is the first kind of parent, you can try to talk to him about how his attitude is affecting you. In this situation, making yourself vulnerable and keeping the conversation personal rather than overtly political can help sway him. If he is the second kind, you’ll need to hunker down and wait, minimizing conflict until you’re independent. Good luck, anon.

I’m proud of you for coming out to yourself. It’s a big step. It’s okay if you never want to come out to your family. The most important thing is to love and accept yourself for who you are, because as you said, your orientation is a part of you that you can’t change. Welcome to the community, friend. 

It’s definitely possible. There are lots of people who are bisexual and demisexual! 

It’s okay, there is nothing about our identities that is “adult only.” It’s been a while since I was 14, but I think that’s just about the time that sexual attraction starts kicking in. But, it doesn’t usually feel like seeing another person and wanting to have sex with them. It’s more like having a crush on someone and wanting to be physically close to them, wanting to touch them or hug them or kiss them, feeling a desire for intimacy through physical contact. You don’t have to actually have sex or even want to have sex with someone to experience sexual attraction.That feeling might kick in for you and it might not. It’s okay to choose a label now and then potentially change it later as you get older. You can also identify as bi and know that you fall under the bisexual umbrella whether you’re biromantic asexual or biromantic and bisexual. 

Congratulations on figuring out your orientation and welcome to the community! It’s really tough to be in an environment where you’re not sure if you’d be accepted. You should probably talk to your housemate about the comments she makes while she is drunk. It’s possible that having a conversation about it while she is sober could help to confront her biases and change her mind. If she only says these things while drunk, it’s likely that she knows that what she is saying isn’t socially acceptable, but she has some underlying homophobia. She might not have examined her beliefs, and the fact that she is concerned about what is socially acceptable might make her more responsive to you. It also might be helpful to come out to your other housemates first so you can ask for their advice and support about the housemate you’re concerned about. 

I’m still active, although sometimes I get behind on asks! Congratulations on coming out to your friend, although I’m sorry you’re stressing about your feelings for her! I think what you should do depends on whether you’re certain she’s straight or not. If you’re certain, you should probably not tell her how you feel because you might risk awkwardness without a chance of anything coming of it. But if you’re not certain, you’ll never know for sure unless you talk to her, and there are things you can do to minimize the risk. You can tell her that you’re really grateful for your friendship and that you think she’s awesome and ask if she’d want to go on a date, but tell her that if not, that’s okay too and you’re happy with your relationship as it is as well. The only way to know for sure is to ask!

No worries! It’s always okay to ask. A cis person is someone who is not trans, someone whose gender identity matches the gender they were assigned at birth. Literally, it’s a Latin prefix meaning “on this side of,” as opposed to trans, which literally means “across, beyond, changing.” 

Who told you that? Every queer person in this heteronormative society starts out with the assumption that they are straight and cis, and only discovers over the course of their life that they aren’t. Previously thinking you were straight is completely normal. It doesn’t mean you can’t be bisexual! It’s even possible, although less common, for your orientation to change over time, either because you have a naturally fluid orientation or because of some major life event or trauma. I do not believe that it is possible to intentionally change your orientation, but that’s not what you’re talking about here. I can’t imagine why those queer people told you that, but just because they are queer does not mean they are right. They invalidated you as you are discovering more about your orientation and starting your journey to understanding and labeling your attractions and they are wrong for doing that. You are a valid bisexual and you are welcome in this community, regardless of your past experience or how long you thought you were straight or even if this is the only woman you ever develop feelings for. You are still equally, wonderfully, beautifully bisexual.

Yep, this is an actual common thing! A lot of bisexual people have preferences for one gender over others. Some people’s preferences are fluid, or split between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Personally, I feel that I’m more frequently attracted to guys, but more intensely attracted to girls. It’s also possible to have dating preferences that are distinct from how you actual attraction manifests, i.e. being more attracted to one gender, but preferring to date another one. You’re not alone!

Not weird, not invalid, not “basically straight” or “not enough” or anything else you might be worrying about. It’s normal, it’s okay, and you still belong in the LGBTQIAP+ community. We are a diverse bunch, and that diversity should never be rearranged into a hierarchy. You’re part of that diversity, not a slot in a hierarchy. You’re as bi as I am.

This is really common! It could be a little bit of internalized biphobia, which is something probably most bi people deal with at some point, or even just uncertainty with labels or worries about what others might feel. I’m sure I have followers who are in the same boat! 

Hey, your English is actually great! I understand exactly what you’re feeling. Our heteronormative society exists all around us, but it also gets inside our heads as well. It’s really common for bi girls or lesbians (or anyone who isn’t straight) to convince themselves that they are straight. This can involve lesbians believing that they like guys, as well as bi girls thinking they like only guys. It can be hard to sort them out, especially when everything is new and your feelings are hard to pin down. My advice is to give yourself time. Realizing that you like girls is a huge, huge step! It might be that your attraction to guys is a little different or less strong, or that you’re not attracted to guys after all. It will take some time for your feelings to make themselves clear to you, but if you’re patient with yourself, it will become easier over time. I’m sorry I can’t give you the answer, but I know that you’ll be able to figure it out with time.

I’m sorry to hear your going through this. This is an experience that a lot of LGB people struggle with at some time or another, and it can be incredibly painful and difficult. First thing, don’t let his lack of romantic interest in you affect how you see yourself. Self-worth comes from within; it is not something that another person can give you or something you should look for externally. Crushes can be really difficult to control. The only surefire way to get over a crush is time and distance. This is difficult when you don’t want to jeopardize your friendship with him, but there are ways you can get distance without giving up your friendship. When you catch yourself thinking about him, turn your thoughts to something else. Don’t allow yourself to fantasize about what could have been if he returned your feelings. Don’t let your whole interest be zeroed in on him; keep an open mind to dating others. And, especially if your self-esteem is taking a hit, try to do an activity that is just for you, maybe something you’ve been wanting to do, whether it is working out, getting involved with an organization, reading a new book, or learning a new skill. Turning your focus away from him might help.

Hey anon, it’s good to hear from you again. Congratulations on figuring out your orientation and thank you so much for letting me be part of your journey! It can be really easy to doubt yourself and hard to hold onto what you know about your feelings. What you did is not easy, and you should be proud of yourself! Thanks for sharing!

I’m not a counselor, just a fellow bisexual person telling others what I needed to hear at one time or maybe still need to hear. I actually didn’t set out to create an advice blog; this blog started out with the intention of trying to put out posts that are affirming or are sharing something I’ve learned about bisexuality, things that I hoped others would relate to. If I get an ask I don’t feel qualified to answer, I try to either research it or point people in the direction of others who might be able to give a better answer.