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eu poderia escrever seu nome aqui, mas seria óbvio demais

eu sempre falei sobre as coisas que me encantam em você, mas esqueci de contar sobre como eu odeio o fato de você sempre querer ser misterioso quando eu falo descontroladamente sobre os meus medos e fraquezas. 
me irrita o seu jeito estúpido de (fingir) não se importar com nada e a necessidade de ressaltar o tempo todo que não precisa de ninguém (e é aí que eu percebo, tristemente, que minha ausência não faria diferença e choro). 
eu odeio ficar encantada com os seus olhos indecifráveis que reafirmam o tempo todo a minha insignificância perante um mundo cheio de outras coisas mais interessantes e de como eles combinam absurdamente com aquela sua camiseta branca que, na minha cabeça, te faz parecer o único ser humano que vale a pena querer conhecer. 
é irritante o seu sorriso que surge quando eu te olho e me obriga a aceitar o fato de que você não é do tipo que sabe pertencer ou fica por muito tempo (estou errada?). eu sei que você está tão perdido quanto eu, e isso me irrita porque você sabe fingir tão bem que quase me convenço de que você é capaz de aceitar e compreender a minha loucura, mesmo quando eu sinto que isso seria impossível devido o tamanho da minha confusão. te olhar é morrer por um instante, eu já falei isso antes
gostar de você é morrer todos os dias, mas não se preocupe, eu nunca achei a morte algo ruim. todas essas coisas que me irritam em você não são o suficiente para que eu diga adeus e fuja, ir embora não é algo que eu sou capaz de fazer. caologia. [também odeio saber que você não vai ler isso]

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“You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.”

- Warshan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love (via shadio)

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“Human beings often display emotion they do not feel. And they often feel emotion they do not display. That’s a description of me all right. I keep myself locked as a box when it matters, and broken open when it doesn’t matter at all.”

Jeanette Winterson

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People, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them.
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Maybe in a month or two. When I stand in a book store in the mall, sipping on a hazelnut coffee, biting the straw like always you’ll walk by and catch a glimpse of me. And maybe, it’ll be like we’re together again and the rush of your beating heart will fill your ears and it’ll be like a kid again on Christmas morning and you won’t know how to control yourself and maybe just maybe you’ll come up to me. Maybe you’ll say hi, maybe we’ll be shocked to see each other, rosy cheeks and shakey knees because the last time we saw each other in person we shared secrets with our tongues in the streets and between the sheets and maybe you’ll ask me to go get some more coffee with you or enjoy a nearby park in the sun and laugh about the old times. And maybe we’ll remember what it used to be like to love each other and give ourselves, all that we had to each other and maybe just maybe… We won’t be able to hold back and we can try again. Because maybe I won’t be over you, I will never ever be over you. ”

i love you

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“Just forget about him” my best friend said as we were laying in an empty grass field looking at the shining stars. Both girls had drunken way to much jack Daniels than they should. But that was their thing. It was easier to pour their hearts out to one another drunk. “But that’s the thing” she said sounding sad. “Everything reminds me of him. That cheap wine I always make you buy, was the first time I drank something with him. And that boy from last night, the junk, that I just walked away from abruptly. He said he could get lost in my eyes. That’s something he used to always say to me.” As she sat up with her legs crossed she lit her cigarette. “You can’t forget someone you share so many memories with”.
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10 things I learned when he left me. 1. Smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day won’t numb the pain. 2. Your friends will do anything to distract you but the only thing you’ll be thinking about is him. 3. Checking if he’s online all the time will only remind you that he will never call again. 4. Don’t listen to music for a while because every damn song will remind you of him. 5. Kissing strangers won’t fill the hole he left in you. 6. Being drunk almost everyday won’t help you forget him. 7. Seeing him with someone else will make you wanna throw up. But you’ll turn around and act like you didn’t see him holding her hand, because it’s been almost 7 months and people expect you to be over it by now. 8. Hearing someone say his name will make you ache. 9. You’ll want to scream when you see how pretty she is. 10. Blocking his number and deleting every picture of him won’t help you forget what happened and how much you loved him.

10 things I learned when he left me // 21.12.2015 (via written-on-polaroids)