Life sorta sucks

I hope one day im enough and I can be happy 

Man Tumblr its been a while... im honestly hoping no one is reading this cause I really just need a place to vent so here goes. 

I took my last test of the term and I am almost positive I didnt pass. It makes me so annoyed, sad, disappointed and every word in between because I feel like everyone looks at me like I am this smart guy and a part of me believes that I am but more often than not when I get that score back from an exam I am reminded how much of a failure I really am. I am able to talk at length with anyone of my classmates about most topics and even explain to them in some cases but its just something about exams that never seems to click with me and it honestly hurts me so much because I do fucking try I really do. Sure I dont study as much as I should but like fuck man I put in the work and it just like for what? So I can be a failure? So I can watch all my friends succeed in life and leave me behind? I always believed things would work out for me cause they always have to an extent. I would put in the work and see results, but after today I don’t believe that. I have never felt so low in my life. I looked at myself in the mirror after I took the exam and I wanted to never look at myself again. I dont want to even see tomorrow because what's the point? For me to just be disappointed when I look at myself in the mirror? I don’t know I never been this kind of person to write posts or cry by myself in my room but man it’s just so disappointing to work so much and then have your life by a score thats not indicative of where you actually stand. I am so sick of it, im so sick of taking an exam and just failing and failing and failing. It doesn't make sense to me how you can put so much effort into something and just be rewarded with nothing. My life is probably ruined now cause not only do I now go to a Med School in the Carribbean, I failed a term in it. That is a death sentence for anyone who wants to be a doctor in the US and it hurts me so much cause I know my friends will go on and be great an amazing doctors but I won’t be there with them. And it isn't cause I'm not smart enough or maybe it is I dont know but it is probably cause I didn't know the best answer to a multiple choice question. That just makes me believe in my life I am destined to fail. Im always that guy that puts on a mask and hides alot of my emotions but fuck dude it really feels like my life is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it and I just had to write this out just to get it out of me. For those of my friends who read this, hopefully you don’t, I know I can come to any of you to talk to but that doesn't change the fact that I am a failure and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.