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"all your friends have friends that you don’t know and do things that you don’t know about and have lives that you’re not a part of. but they’re still your best friends." she whispered. “what are you hiding from me?” he asked with his hands trembling. trying to think of the millions of possibilities of an answer that she could have for this question. every single one that came to mind he so desperately wished wasn’t the one that she was about to share with him. she started talking sending shivers up his spine. “there are lives that we will never encounter and people we will never interact with. there are secrets we will never know and moments we wish we were apart of. but if I have learned one thing after being here five years, it is that if you are so worried about the lives that other people lead, the lives that you’re not a part of, you’re never going to be happy. you’re always going to have those unanswered questions and the voices in the back of your head telling you that you can’t trust the person you love because there is a part of them you don’t know. but you’re never going to know everything, and once you learn to live with that I believe that is when you can truly be happy.” - I’ve never been more scared of happiness

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #12, Alexa Code (via alexa-code)

f0rg0tt3n-s0ul reblogged

alexa-code

Our love, it was different than others, we didn’t love because we wanted each other, we didn’t want someone to love. If we wanted someone to love then we would love ourselves, but we didn’t, we loved each other because we knew that if we couldn’t love ourselves, we had to love those people that are most like us, but the most different. It didn’t seem like we were letting ourselves down. He was the only person I knew that was exactly like me but totally different. To continue, and to know that we were allowed to continue with this life, we both needed to love someone, and we found someone else with the same need, that’s what made it work, that’s what made everything between us work, because, in a weird way, we knew exactly what the other person was going through, but we also didn’t have a clue how they were feeling.

Our love, Alexa Code (via alexa-code)

f0rg0tt3n-s0ul reblogged

alexa-code

i took a pen and paper and thought, I knew what i wanted to say. but I didn’t know how to execute it, and the thoughts were killing me slowly. I wrote down everything and anything that came to mind. I wrote about you and those times we had together. when we first met and you held my hand for the first time, I was surprised and had no idea what to do, but I didn’t pull away. I wrote about how I felt about you and how I loved you more and more every word we spoke to each other. I wrote about how you made me feel and how you made me feel like I had a purpose in this world, like someone wanted me to live, and for once, I would live for them. Most of all, I wrote about how much I loved you and how I can’t imagine not loving you. I wrote about all of them and what they did to me. and how i didn’t tell anyone but you. you begged me to tell someone, but was it really worth it, the damage was already done, all I could do was expose my own tragedy. I wrote about my parents, and how they put so much pressure on me. I don’t know if they’re trying to make me who they wish they could’ve been or if they just care enough to try and make me successful, but I don’t like it. they always say it’s not about college, but everything is about college for them. they seem to have planned it all out for me when I haven’t even planned out what I’m doing tomorrow. I know they are trying to help, but all they are doing is make what’s already a stressful life more stressful. I knew no one would care enough to listen to me. I knew no one was going to help me, if I even wanted help. I guess it would be nice if there was just someone that would care enough to read it. someone that would care while I’m still here.

I hope you know I’m trying, Alexa Code (via alexa-code)

f0rg0tt3n-s0ul reblogged

alexa-code

she said hi he laughed but looked away she wanted to tell him he looked good in the blue plaid shirt he was wearing. he didn’t know why she kept looking, but her smile was kind of cute. she started to walk over to him but he was pulled away by someone else. she stopped. he couldn’t take his eyes off of her, but she stopped paying attention to him. maybe he was just dreaming. he stopped. she saw he was no longer interested. maybe she had just imagined it. or maybe she was looking too much into it. he saw that she was walking away. maybe he could talk to her after school. but no. if she wanted to talk. she would’ve talked to him. she thought she would see him in English. they had class together. she was going to sit next to him but, if he wanted to talk he would have. he smiled as she entered the room. she paused, maybe she would sit. but she walked right passed him and sat on the other side of the room. she didn’t pay attention in class. she couldn’t stop staring at him though it was only the back of his head. his heart started racing. he kept looking back to see her staring at him. what if she wanted to talk. maybe she was just staring at the bored. she smiled. class was over. she walked up to him but didn’t have the courage to say anything. he grabbed her arm back “hi” he smiled. she laughed. “hi”

i still can’t say I love you, Alexa Code (via alexa-code)