tickling is fun until I get fed up with it (2 seconds in) and then decide to beat the assailant to a pulp

tickle tickle tickle!

2021 I’m reading a book a week and getting laid

this is like a group chat

imagine being so bad at moderating your own website you decide to just kill half the user base and not fix any of the actual problems

Isn’t this the plot of Infinity War

Jesus, after coming back from the dead: hey guys it’s me Jesus, just look at the scars on my hands

Thomas, a known freak: show us the feet as well please

You can’t escape followers, i’ve already glued the door shut

Nice try followers, but I replaced all the glass with rubber.

Too late followers, I’ve already cloooggged all the toooiiiiillleeeetttts

My current employer once said to me, “I get the impression you work to live, not live to work.” Uh, yeah motherfucker.

me after reading this:

A boss once sat me down and said, I swear to fuck, that it was a bad thing that I was interested in leaving work on time. Like he said something like “I’m told that you like going home at the end of the day.”

I asked him what I meant. Like I point blank said “Are you saying I don’t work enough overtime?”

“…no,” he said, since we got in trouble if we worked OT. It was treated as a moral failing on our parts.

“So are you saying I should be working for free?” I asked. This is a trap question. It was a corporate job. Which meant he actually was limited in the shit he could pull.

“….no,” he grudgingly replied.

“So what is the problem?” I asked. And he had to admit that, technically, I had done nothing wrong.

But he tried to guilt me over LIKING TO GO HOME AT THE END OF THE DAY. After each 8-10 hour shift where I was allowed ZERO breaks, despite the law requiring I get a minimum of 15 minutes every 4 hours.

He also got pissed off that I was very open with telling people I had given my notice. I didn’t bad mouth the place. I wasn’t negative. I was just open that, yes, I was moving and had therefor quit.

GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY I WAS SO EXCITED TO BE LEAVING.

we did it folks

So lower the prices?

Baby Boomers: *buy up property*

Baby Boomers: *advocate against paying higher wages, keep the cost of living high and wages low*

Millennials: *can’t afford to buy their McMansions*

Baby Boomers:

Where the hell is my phone????

There it is

things all girls want to do:

• become medusa

• dance naked around a fire in the woods w other ladies

• eat men

• let their eyes roll back in their head and speak in tongues

• eat men

For the record… I want absolutely none of these things. I am a girl.

spongebob a freak!!!!! succin squidward while the other fish watch!!!!!

need me one like that

All of the fish look so unimpressed, spongebob has no game

Remember to drink water babes

No

Then become the dirt I walk on.

Beyoncé please just put lemonade on Spotify you made your point PLEASE

So a guy requested someone start beef with him because he was feeling left out, so I made this.

i hate small talk . i wanna talk about atoms , death , magic , intellect , the meaning of life , the size of your feet , are they clean , how much do you charge for

I don’t like small talk either, or immaturity and lack of emotional intimacy

did you ….. read .. the post …..

Small talk is dumb, let’s drink in silence and leave the universe to our intoxicated selves

please read my post please

all jackets should have inside pockets its the best feature and everyone else needs to get on board. whats better than reaching inside ur jacket to retrieve Secret Objects from your Secret Pocket? nothing. nothing. youre gonna store your wallet and weapons and cool rocks you find in your outside pocket? where they can fall out?? where someone can swipe them? like an idiot? get inside pockets