pull up his shirt play with his bra

they would find each other in any universe

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

?

pause. rewind. does this person think jamie lee curtis has been running away from a gorilla

my mom was trying to chew through some really tough steak and she turned to me and said “just call me The Gnawer.” she would do numbers here

she told me she doesn't remember saying this. quote, "must have been steak-induced hysteria"

My mother brought me Culver's so new poll time

Please feel free to explain your answer with as much detail as you want!

Dairy Queen fries forever

being x and a half years old used to mean something, you know. halfway to the next finish line. not any more. "im five and a half" adoring statement. "im twenty four and a half" sentence of the insane and damned.

laid up nowhere watching nothing on no screen with nobody

Had to throw this together after being struck with inspiration.

saw a tiktok of a mother taking her very tiny daughter to an art museum and she’s just walking around going “whoooa” “woooaah” to everything but then they got to a marble statue of a nude woman lying on her back and the girl points and goes “mommy🫵” and i just immediately welled up with tears and all the comments are just laughing about it and of course it’s funny but how are you not insanely moved by the way art connects everyone on earth from a centuries-old sculptor to a toddler in 2023

Mother and baby viewing Van Gogh's Madame Roulin and Her Baby at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, US. By the Boston Herald

I’m not sure how to look at art by Lynda Barry

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

?

pirate captain that's always asking his crew whether they hate him or not

observe how quickly people named "chuck" or "angus" get quiet when the conversation topic at hand turns to beef