Double standards--sexual assault
I want to talk about the double standards that come with men being sexually assaulted; they don’t receive the same kind of help that a woman would and the reactions towards these things are not necessarily the same. I want to show you a short list of famous men who have been sexually assaulted and I’ll leave the link for the article and/or video along with it.
These are in no particular order, date wise.
1. Harry Styles was performing at this charity concert to raise money for cancer. He got closer to the audience and got downs on his knees. A fan proceeded to grab him by his crotch area to which he pushed her hands away and ‘avoided that section for the rest of the night.’
This seems to be a very clear case of sexual assault; however, news outlets that were reporting what happened did not use those words. The Sun, for example, said he was ‘grabbed by a VERY eager fan.’ It’s utterly ridiculous and downright disgraceful. We know that had the incident been reversed and it was a female celebrity, there would be different language used.
Can you honestly imagine a situation where–say–Mariah Carey or Beyonce was performing whilst wearing a short dress and a man stuck his hand up her dress to touch her privates or her inner thigh being referred to as simply being touched by a very eager fan? Of course not. It would-rightly so-be referred to as sexual assault
The incident was discussed on the talk show, The Real and the segment was talking about whether there was a double standard with men being inappropriately touched vs women. Some of them did acknowledge that there is a double standard, however the segment was not without fault. One of the hosts, Loni Love said after prompting the question about whether a double standard exists or not, said it depends on where you touch. She said that when Marcel comes on Fridays (and I believe she’s referring to Marcel Spears) she touches him on his chest but she would never do it to his butt or to his front area She adds that. “But he has his shirt off.”
what somebody is wearing or not wearing is not invitation to touch them. Point blank, it isn’t. We hear women saying that when it comes to things like rape, the clothing doesn’t matter. If it’s different based on something like being shirtless, then do men get a free pass if a woman is wearing a dress or shirt that reveals a good portion of her breasts and he squeezes one? That just really rubs me the wrong way.
And the overall behavior of some of them was not right. There was a bit of joking around, sounds like some of them were kinda laughing and then the audience laughs at times. It’ not a good look when you’re taking about a serious topic. You need to be respectful.
2. When Justin Bieber was 18, he was at the 2012 American Music Awards. Jenny McCarthy (who was 40 at the time) had grabbed Bieber on stage by the neck, grabbed his butt and kissed his face and neck; as well as making some disturbing comments about what she did:
“I did grab his butt. I couldn’t help it. He was just so delicious.”
“So little,” she continued. “I wanted to tear his head off and eat it!”
In a backstage interview with Access Hollywood, McCarthy, 40, further explained that “emotions … took over” and her attack on the 18-year-old pop star was all part of living out “a cougar fantasy maybe.”
Bieber was clearly uncomfortable by it. You can tell by the video, you can tell by the pictures. He even goes on to say when he gets to the podium that he felt “violated” and most news outlets say he was joking (because he was kinda laughing) and the audience cheers. I don’t know; I don’t think he was joking. I think he was serious and the laughing–a lot of people laugh when they’re uncomfortable.
The crazy thing is, this didn’t seem to garner a lot of outrage. There were some people who didn’t think it was right and possibly more so now, nearly 10 years later. But at the time, there were people poking fun at Bieber for his reaction. Some even said he was gay:
“C'mon … any straight guy wouldn’t be making a face like that if ‘attacked’ by a hot girl.”
“If that isn’t the face of a gay dude being kissed by a hottie I don’t know what is …”
That right there is why some guys don’t tell people that they’ve been assaulted or raped. Guys and girls are guilty of saying that crap right there. Believing that they ought to enjoy it only adds to the stereotype that guys always want it (which is whole other problem in itself). But we as a society think that a lot of times so in situation like these, it looks ‘odd’ that he’s not happy about it.
What’s worse is the fact that McCarthy didn’t get fired from anything, she didn’t have any consequences for what happened. That is not okay. Do you know what that tells victims? That it’s fine, that they don’t matter. I really think he should have pressed charges against her. You don’t touch people like that you don’t grab he, you don’t kiss them like. This is basic stuff that we’re taught early on, t respect people and their boundaries.
3. Terry Crews war sexually assaulted by Hollywood agent, Adam Venit. Crews was with his wife at a party when the assault happened:
Crews was with his wife, Rebecca King-Crews, at the party last year when, he claims, Venit began making moves with his tongue at him.
“I’m looking like, 'Is this a joke?’ … It was actually so bizarre,” Crews said. “He comes over to me. I stick my hand out, and he literally takes his hand and puts it and squeezes my genitals. I jump back like, 'Hey, hey.’”
Crews continued, “And he’s still licking his tongue out and all this stuff, and I go, 'Dude, what are you doing? What are you doing?’ and then he comes back again. He just won’t stop.”
Crews claims he then pushed Venit away from him, causing Venit to bump into other partygoers.
Wendy Williams talked about Crews on her show and about the incident. She says she was asked whether she thought it was brave of him to come out and say it and she said:
“No. It’s not brave. He’s just talking.”
She kinda flip flops in this segment. I really don’t know what she truly thinks. First she says it’s not brave, then lists out reasons that suggests the opposite and then says she’s glad he came out and said it.
It is brave, though. People who have actually had something like this happen to them and sharing their story takes courage. Many don’t because they feel like they won’t be believed or they’ve been threatened to keep quiet or whatever the circumstances are. Not to mention, that he actually gave a name and it was someone who has represented some big names in the industry. It’s not like he was some unknown person.
But it wasn’t just Wendy Williams making remarks; 50 Cent also reacted to Crews’ situation by posting this image on Instagram which was deleted after receiving backlash:
(I only didn’t cover up the other usernames because this was found on Google)
And I think this is something that guys do to each other that definitely does not help anything. There’s no need to mock or insist that someone enjoyed it or whatever else they say. You may think it wasn’t a big deal but it’s a big deal to the person it happened to. Just like when guys say they wish the teacher who had raped her student would do it to him or asking where was she when he was in school. And many of them are of age but imagine being the student and feeling ashamed, maybe angry and they feel like they can’t say anything because they don’t know if people will believe them and they don’t want to be mocked over it.
It’s a valid concern because as a society don’t take it as seriously as we should. Some guys don’t even take it seriously which only hurts men as a whole because some will look at their reactions and think it represents them as a whole group when it doesn’t.
4. Brandon Fraser was sexually assaulted by Phillip Berk, who was formerly a president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
Berk admitted to “pinching” Fraser in the buttocks after an event, but Fraser says the incident was much worse. “His left hand reaches around, grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint. And he starts moving it around.”
The organization itself didn’t even take it seriously.
After the HFPA finished its investigation, according to Fraser, the organization contacted him again and proposed issuing a joint statement, which said, “Although it was concluded that Mr. Berk inappropriately touched Mr. Fraser, the evidence supports that it was intended to be taken as a joke and not as a sexual advance.” The organization also apologized to Fraser in the proposed statement and suggested a forward-looking resolution: “All parties consider this matter to be concluded.” The HFPA wrote that it looked forward “to continuing to work with Mr. Fraser.” And presumably Philip Berk would remain a member in good standing of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and a Golden Globe voter.
Now, don’t get me wrong, people, organizations, they can and have denied such a thing took place for women as well do this isn’t something that happens to just men. However, I do think it’s something you can get away with it more if it’s done to a man, just because we have a lot of awareness about sexual assault and rape that happens to women and such.
And what gets me is the ‘jest’ part. Touching someone like that isn’t right. How, with the way Fraser describes it, can that possibly be taken in jest? That’s a terrible attempt at an excuse. In the end, Berk was expelled but it was from an unrelated incident.
This is something that really upset him.
The incident, he said, was traumatic—"I felt ill. I felt like a little kid"—and the aftermath even more so: “I felt like someone had thrown invisible paint on me.”
That right there should show you that men aren’t just fine and dandy if they get assaulted or raped. They aren’t these sex crazed animals that will take anything that they can get and be fine. They have feelings. This can put them in depression just like it does to woman. This can cause them to kill themselves or try to.
And yet people still ignore it and make ignorant remarks.
Fraser didn’t even have the courage to speak up until the metoo movement where he saw others standing up and telling their own stories.
5. Now this one isn’t sexual assault, however it is still assault and I think it’s worth mentioning because of the reaction it got.
Adam Levine got some criticism for how he handled a fan jumping onto the stage and grabbing him. He’s the lead singer of Maroon Five and the band was playing in Los Angeles California of October 2021 when the incident occurred. He was in the middle of a performance when a woman jumped onto the stage and grabbed Levine’s arm to give him a side hug, He was shocked by it, he swore once and she was pulled off him by security.
After the fan was removed, Levine could be seen shaking off the incident, but clearly thrown off guard.
The incident was recorded and shown on tiktok where it proceeded to go viral. And some people were “offended” by how Levine had reacted.
They argued the band had a disdainful opinion of their fans and viewed fans as being “beneath them."
(Since these were in an article it didn’t make much sense to cover the usernames, since you could just look up the names anyway. But please don’t go send hate to these people).
I gotta say, first off, these comments are just…ridiculous. You would think he’d done more than what he did just by looking at those. I want to know how they would react to suddenly getting grabbed. I’d wager to say they’d react the same or worse. I just have several issues with those that criticized him for it:
- Obviously, the number one being the double standard of it all.
- And this kinda goes with that first ^ point but the language of the articles. I looked at what is considered assault in California just to make sure, but technically this is considered simple assault. There were no injuries or anything but still, she grabbed him. I’m not so sure Taylor Swift getting grabbed by a fan would be said as “:grabbed” and not “assaulted”
- The lack of common sense. You have to look at it this way too; this is a safety issue. There have been celebrities that were killed by their own fans. What if the woman had a weapon with her? She could have seriously hurt or killed Levine and people aren’t thinking of that. It’s easy to think, “Oh, she’s just a little overexcited” and that was the case this time. But it could have been a lot worse. This is why there are rules in place.
- I also think there’s definitely a sense of entitlement some fans have towards celebrities. They act like a famous person is just supposed to take it because “you chose this life” or they use the “without your fans you would be nothing” card. They are still human. They still have feelings. They still have boundaries you need to respect.
Levine ended up apologizing for his reaction in a series of videos on his Instagram story. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that he had to do that.
Just think about that for a moment.
We as a society are talking more and more about things like rape, assault and respecting boundaries and all that an despite that, he had to give an apology when he shouldn’t have to. It’s just messed up.
Both men and women have to do their part in fixing this.
Men- support each other. Don’t be that guy that makes fun of the victims whether that’s by comments or sharing memes or whatever. It may happen to someone you know (or happened in the past) and if they know how you are, they won’t want you to know about it. Or, you may be preventing them from coming out and seeing something at all. Because if you’re saying that, they might think others will as well. And one day, it might happen to you. You might be carrying around anger, shame, and whatever else.
Women- support them, too. Don’t also be the reason why someone would keep it a secret. You would want your female family member/friend/whatever to trust you enough to tell you, right? The men in your life need to know it, too.
So often this becomes a gendered issue and we become narrow minded (and this is everyone, not just women do it), especially because of that stereotype where we’re told men always want it. And so, (some) people take it to heart and believe it for sexual assault, too. Not to mention, that sometimes when the victim is a man vs women then we see it turned into an unnecessary competition of who has it worse as a victim. It sucks for anyone.
We have to make sure male victims know that they aren’t alone.
