yall have no idea just how badly i want to cook some rice in gatorade

i hope to god im doing this right

im not sure how to feel about this

update: the gatorade didnt give the rice any flavor as i had hoped but the color is nice? Anyway i slapped some sweet chili sauce on it and now im eating the gatorade rice abomination while playing destiny 2

it looks fucking disgusting i know but it just tastes like rice

LAMBASTED FOR RICE CRIMES

stop reblogging this im begging all of you

happy birthday to my bastard child

hey is it ok if i leave this sandwich out on the dash 🥪ill eat it later

🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🥪🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

NOOO

Let Them Say Fuck, Semi-Finals

God, this is a tight race. Guess it's time for propaganda part two.

Candace's summer has sucked. She's been dragged onto her brothers' dangerous inventions despite being terrified of them, she's been turned into various things against her will, including a fly and a liquid. She's been attacked by animals, stampeded by cows and humans, accidentally got high once while lost in the middle of a forest, and regularly falls from high places. She had hair grow all over her body on a date and her boyfriend's mum tried to shoot her with a tranquiliser dart because she thought Candace was an orangutan. Her boyfriend's psychopathic little sister put squirrels in her pants (giving her a fear of squirrels) and trained her dog to attack her.

And worst of all, rather than getting acknowledgement that any of this actually happened, her mum thinks she's insane because everything vanishes into thin air before she sees it. The universe is genuinely against her.

And how does she feel about that? Well, how do you think she feels?

Once again, these are all canon lines and scenes.

Her brothers can do anything and everybody loves them, leaving her feeling overshadowed and irrelevant.

And indeed, Candace has attempted to run away from her life and society three separate times (in two episodes and one movie). And who can blame her? Her life sucks.

Candace mostly just wants her mum (Linda) to believe her and appreciate her, but usually, she just gets in trouble, made fun of, or ignored. Even Linda's apologies are backhanded:

In the episode "Mom's Birthday" she's trying her absolute heart out to do something nice for Linda's birthday and P&F outdo her at every turn while everything she makes gets destroyed. The breakfast she prepared for Linda gets slammed in her face without Linda even noticing, the cute dress she bought as a present gets eaten by moths, she eats her own card because she thinks it's inferior to what Phineas and Ferb made, and all her musical instruments disappear so she can't play the song she wrote.

And then even the happy ending of that episode where she finally gets a moment in the spotlight, it lasts all of five seconds before Phineas redirects her attention away gain.

Candace has a whole collection of depressing-ass songs, too. In this episode Candace's personality gets split into two and they sing a song about how much they can't stand one another. It never gets resolved either, they get merged back together without reconciliation and it's clear she's just as much at war with herself after this episode as she was before.

The worst part is, there will never be a lasting happy ending. Because if Candace is happy then the show doesn't work, and Disney will never let the show go. Even in the 20-years-in-the-future flash-forward ep Candace relapses the second she sees the boys, suggesting even in all that time she never really gets over it.

Papyrus is indeed capable of saying fuck and may or may not be willing to, but he is a kind soul and would willingly give it up as he would recognise that Candace needs the fuck far more.

@let-them-say-fuck-tournament

[part 1 here]

fresh, clean no-terf version for reblogs!

Your mom and aunts aren’t on tumblr.  Please warn them about this as well. 

[Image description: Two smartphone screenshots of a Facebook post by a person named Sheila Toll posted 2 Sep. It is black text on a white background and the post is public. The post reads:

I am a Family Doctor and I want to keep a promise made to a patient. 

Julie was a healthy, post-menopausal woman in my care who came in for a periodic health examination. One of my routine questions, in what is called the “Review of Systems”, was to ask if she had experienced any vaginal bleeding. 

She said “No” but then laughed and added, “Other than when my period came back for a few months last year”. 

All health care professional are taught early on that ‘vaginal bleeding in a post-menopausal woman is Cancer of the Uterus until proven otherwise’. This comment by Julie was, therefore, a red flag (no pun intended) prompting further questions, an examination and an ultrasound of her pelvis. 

Julie was surprised to see me so concerned, especially since the symptoms had not recurred over many months. 

Sure enough, a pelvic ultrasound and tissue sampling confirmed Cancer of the Uterus. 

Julie underwent a hysterectomy and radiation therapy. She is now healthy, cancer-free and is expected to stay that way. 

After all this was done, Julie sat ME down for a talk. She told me she’d had no idea a ‘short return’ of her period after menopause was a danger signal. Furthermore, she addressed the topic with friends over coffee and discovered that, out of 20 women, NONE of them knew this symptom was abnormal! She admonished me to “Tell women this! Don’t assume we know it!”

From that day on, I have kept Julie’s advice in mind when talking with post-menopausal patients. But recently my wife suggested that I should take this to a wider audience. 

So, Julie, this is for you: 

If you are a post-menopausal woman and your period ‘comes back’ or you have even one episode of vaginal bleeding, TELL A HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL and insist on having it investigated! 

Wishing you all good health and long lives. End image description.]

one time in my last job a woman came up to the register explaining that when she bought stuff a day prior the clerk forgot to scan a pair of socks worth less than €2 and it was only right for her to bring it back to the store and pay for it proper. unfortunately my manager was directly next to me at the time and took over the register to handle this serious issue. the receipt she had brought with her said which register performed the previous transaction that forgot the socks and the manager could find out who was running that till on that day. poor dude had a manager yell at him for a half hour about how much of an incompetent fuck up he was, he left the job immediately after but i couldnt tell you if he quit or was fired

i think about this moment a lot. the customer seemed like a sweet woman with only good intentions and when she paid for the socks she had a look on her face that said "i feel good because i did the right thing". and a guy lost his job because of a pair of socks. if shit like this ever happens to you and a clerk forgets to scan an item just think of it as a small blessing or that you had good luck or something. keep it.

*places an orange just outside a fairy ring to see what comes out* science is more of an art than a science

*the orange grows legs and skitters away*

Fascinating results *places a banana in the same spot*

*clawed hand reaches out of the ether and drags it into the ring, leaving ragged claw marks in the soil as it disappears, back into the ether from whence it came*

“let’s go to the extreme.” *places a pineapple in the same spot*

Real scientists would keep putting an orange in the same spot to make sure the results are consistent before moving on to other fruits or different spots.

The only valid response to this post.

We’re working up the complexity levels of fruit until we feel there is enough evidence to support the judicious placement of a volunteer twink

You sit down, we haven’t seen what’s happened to the pineapple

This is Tumblr; we’ve ALL seen what happened to the pineapple. O_O

No wonder the twinks are lining up then.

Funny how a mass arrest goes completely under the radar when it's mostly teens, right?

To be clear there was no explosive; "hill bomb" is just what the event is called.

Holy SHIT. I just finished reading a related article, and y’all, this was so corrupt OTHER SFPD COPS ARE STANDING WITH THE KIDS.

Like basically their take is “yeah, some kids were being unruly. Y’all handled it ENTIRELY the wrong way and there is zero reason this should have happened.” There was an official meeting (I think like a monthly town hall kind of thing? I forgot to take note when I read it) and the cop who’s in charge of internal conduct investigation was there and he. Was. PISSED. And inviting parents and teens involved to give their testimony on the specifics of the rights violations they experienced so he could follow up and make full reports.

Like you KNOW shit’s fucked when even other police are looking at the police chief and saying “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

frying beef is basically a sexual thing

about to cum so hard i pass out

It is none of your damn business why a woman gets an abortion.

It is none of your

damn business why a woman

gets an abortion.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

My favorite banned terms on this site are "suicide prevention" and "safe sex"

Fuck nasty and kill yourself inmediately after

Salmon male grindset

For people who are new:

I am a (very good! shockingly good!) coffee company that donates all its profit to charity. But it turns out "I" functions oddly in that sentence, because corporate social media presences are not actually sentient; instead, companies are made of people, even if capitalism attempts to elide the essential humanity of coffee and other products humans consume.

Anyway, companies are made out of people, and this company's tumblr is made out of author and vlogbrother John Green. It's simple, really: I am a company who is a person who is me who does the marketing for the awesome coffee club, which provides you with the world's best coffee and donates all its profit to reduce maternal and child mortality in Sierra Leone.

p.s. Occasionally I am not a coffee company. Occasionally I am a person who answers questions about my books or other work. Other times, I am a sock company. Like the rest of us, I contain multitudes.

[ID: the "I love you" supernatural meme.

Top panel: Castiel, looking emotional, is saying: "I love you".

Bottom panel: Dean is looking back at him, and saying: "John Green returned to tumblr but only to sell his coffee, which is surprisingly delicious, ethically sourced, and donates 100% of its profit to charity.". End]

Top panel: Castiel,

looking emotional, is

saying: “I love you”.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

something charmingly twentieth century about this

This counts as a spell

yknow i was wondering why i recognized this guy and then the username watermark finally caught my eye. and yall. its him.

WHAT?

i hope every single workplace in america strikes and i mean it

we're currently in such a terrible recession right now, all workers can barely afford to pay rent regardless of job. i hope we hunt down the rich for sport at this point

those snakes are not fighting they are fucking. im very sorry

while two snakes FUCK to the death

That dog looking at the snakes like why you gotta do that while I’m eating

Metal as snakes fucking.

I can totally hear this cat tuning the guitar while the children find a good place to sit. 

I like the implication here that the other cats can play guitar, they’re just not as good

Elliot Page has the chance to do the single funniest thing in the history of Hollywood.