second best

This account contains a lot of restrictive ED content including calorie counting and weight counting, s/h, and S/A content

It also includes a lot of potentially triggering thoughts and rants apart from some normal posts (which are rare) so pls pls pls be careful if you look through

burned - 158

total intake - 787

burned - 277

total - 418

burned - 270

total intake - 949

burned - 481

total intake - 130

burned - 255

total intake - 830

burned - 234

total intake - 1105

burned - 256

total intake - 560

burned - 0

total intake - 956

burned - 274

total intake - 693

burned - 266

total intake - 832

i beg that i lose at least 1kg before may 23rd ive got to give an endocrinologist my weight and i cant be this huge for that i refuse to

RULES:

LEAVE FOR WORK 2 HOURS EARLY WHERE POSSIBLE (no waking up earlier than 6am)

WALK THE 1.7 MILES HALF WAY

BUS THE REST OF THE WAY

NO EATING AT WORK

ONLY HERBAL UNSWEETENED/NO SUGAR TEA

BUS HALFWAY HOME

WALK THE REST OF THE WAY (no later than 10pm arrival)

LOW CALORIE DINNER WITH HEAPS OF PROTEIN TO FEEL FULLER AND 2 GLASSES OF WATER

i will:

refuse food from friends

avoid low alcohol beverages on nights out

weigh in every friday

lol ive gained so much its ridiculous. im super ill so im gonna take it easy today but as soon as im better its 300cal time. then im gonna smoke a bunch do some lil conditioning on myself so that i associate nicotine and being hungry with each other and hopefully thatll make me Want to be hungry because ive got nicotine cravings

i love her so much she has my whole heart

my cat died on monday and i miss her so much. im in pieces over it

my mum took her to the vet that morning cos shed been in pain for a while and apparently it was tumours that weren’t curable and the vet, my mum, and I all agreed it wouod be cruel and selfish to prolong her life considering what any treatment would put her through just for anither week with her. so she was put down the same day. i didnt even get to see her that mornign and have a normal moment with her cos she was already at the vets when i went to work

and she was sleepy from sedation (to investigate her pain) when she was brought to see us for a final goodbye and she was so cuddly and purring. shes a super grumpy cat but i got to give her so many cuddles and kisses goodbye and i wish i had more time with her. and idk it was probably the earlier sedation talking but it felt like she Knew what was happening so she was letting hs cuddle her and that she mustve missed us cos shed been there all day at that point. she was always always there for me when iw as horribly depressed and always sat with me so i wasnt alone

so i stayed with her when they finally put her down and it was so quick it was super humane but it was too fast i miss her so much and i want ber back

hrhsghsdh theyre in my head again cos i filled in a form ab S/A for a friends survey and thry wont leave

‼️‼️ TW S/A ‼️‼️

something i never expected after being s/a-ed is that im now paranoid whenever someone who might be connected to my r*pist does something bad (intentionally or not) towards me and that its because my r*pist has spun the story and made me the abuser

like something just happened with my now old band and while yes it was completely unprofessional towards me, realistically i dont think it was meant with bad intentions just done in a really dumb and childish way

but some of my old band are friends with someone i’ll call 1 who is friends with my r*pist.

and im so irrationally paranoid that theyve become friends with my r*pist through 1 and that theyve spun the story and thats why the stuff with the band was super unprofessional, sudden, and just seemed like a cop-out for something else