"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted
MK x rwby but rusted white knight twist
Jaune (RK): *walks on the stage with his broken sword* Good to see you again, Snow Angel
Weiss: *Uses Glyphs to skate onto the stage* Jaune? When did you get so... Mature~?
Jaune (RK): ...Why are you looking at me like that?
XXX
Jaune (RK): *Jumps off Juniper and lands on stage* You used to be cold-hearted
Weiss: *Knight summon lowers her on stage* Now, I'd love it if you melted my frozen heart, Jaune
Jaune (RK): *Smiles* As my angel wishes
Tonight on “YouTube Poop scenes that have lived in my head for a decade”
You Guys Look Good Together.
Willow: Are you two dating?
Weiss/Jaune: What?!
Willow: I mean, you guys look so close and well…
Weiss: *Red* Of course we're not dating! We are only friends!
Jaune: Exactly! We're just friends, nothing more.
Willow: I'm sorry, but you two look so close…
Weiss: *Angry* We're not a couple! Arg!
Weiss, upset, heads off to her room to be alone. Jaune, on the other hand, stays and looks at Willow with a somewhat angry look.
Jaune: I already told you that I have no feelings for your daughter.
Willow: But you two look so happy together, and you don't spend that much time with me anymore.
Jaune: Well of course not, you asked me to keep our relationship a secret!
this is so insanely accurate i dont even know what to say
“Seriously THAT is my competition for make out time with you…not to sound like a biphobe but…REALLY?!?!”
“…yeah he IS and you know what he’s WINNING…because you’re so MEAN!!!”
A couple of Mk intros but with Lancaster and Rusted Lancaster (Rusted Knight Jaune x Ruby) as a bonus.
MK Intros!: Jaune Vs. RWBY And JNPR Edition
Yang: *Walks onstage, cracks knuckles* You ready for a little extra training, Jaune?
Jaune: *Unsheathes Crocea Mors and deploys shield* This is going to hurt, isn't it?
Yang: *Slams fists together, activates semblance* No pain, no gain.
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Yang: *Walks onstage, cracks knuckles* Looks like you're all grown up Vomit Boy.
Rusted Jaune: *Takes off helmet* Had to happen at some point.
Yang: *Slams fists together, activates semblance* I just wish you didn't have to do it alone.
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Blake: *Drops down from the ceiling* So, why exactly did you want to spar with me?
Jaune: *Unsheathes Crocea Mors and deploys shield* Pyrrha wants me to work on my agility.
Blake: *Unsheathes Gambol Shroud* Then let's get to work.
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Rusted Jaune: *Petting Juniper* Don't worry Blake, I won't tell anyone about you fangirling over me.
Blake: *Unsheathes Gambol Shroud* I was not fangirling.
Rusted Jaune: *Walks closer* Sure you weren't.
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Jaune: *Walks onto screen holding Crocea Mors* You ready, Snow Angel? *Deploys shield*
Weiss: *Loosely holding Myrtenaster, a glyph under her feat* If you call me that one more time, I'll freeze you where you stand.
Jaune: *Gets into his stance* Why'd I have to open my big mouth?
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Weiss: *Walks onto screen* Brothers, why did he have to get so hot.
Rusted Jaune: *Removes helmet* What was that, Weiss?
Weiss: *Gets into combat stance* Nothing! Let's just spar already.
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Jaune: *Walks onto screen holding Crocea Mors* Are you sure this is a good idea, Rubes? *Deploys shield*
Ruby: *Petal bursts onto screen, Crescent rose at the ready* Don't worry Jaune. I'll be there to heal any of your bruises~.
Jaune: *Gets into his stance* You do look cute in that nurse costume.
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Ruby: *Petal bursts onto screen* So, this is what you'll look like in twenty years?
Rusted Jaune: *Takes of helmet* Disappointed?
Ruby: *Insert iconic pose here* Pretty much the opposite~.
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Jaune: *Walks onto screen holding Crocea Mors* Nora, you need to calm down! *Deploys shield*
Nora: *Holding Magnhild over her head* I'm the Queen of the castle, Jaune-Jaune!
Jaune: *Gets into his stance* Where's Ren when you need him?
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Nora: *Walks onto screen, get's stuck by lightning* I'm not leaving here without you, Jaune.
Rusted Jaune: *Removes helmet* I can actually be a hero here, Nora.
Nora: *Gets into stance* I won't lose you too.
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Jaune: *Walks onto screen holding Crocea Mors* What are we going over tonight, Pyr? *Deploys shield*
Pyrrha: *Bangs Milo against Akouo twice* Just the basics.
Jaune: *Gets into his stance* My basics or your basics?
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Pyrrha: *Standing confidently* Oh, Jaune.
Rusted Jaune: *Removes helmet* I'm Sorry Pyrrha, I couldn't save you.
Pyrrha: I'm sorry my foolish decision has caused you so much pain, but I cannot allow you to give up.
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Ren: *Loads StormFlower* You'll need to train hard if you wish to survive.
Jaune: *Unsheathes Crocea Mors and deploys shield* I'll do whatever it takes to make it here at Beacon.
Ren: I was referring to Nora.
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Ren: *Loads StormFlower* Remnant needs you, Jaune.
Rusted Jaune: *Removes helmet* It's too late for me.
Ren: I will not leave without my brother.
BONUS
Jaune: *Walks onto screen holding Crocea Mors* I'm not really sure about this, Penny. *Deploys shield*
Penny: *Floating Array deployed around her* Do not worry Friend-Jaune, I've adjusted my combat parameters to your skill level.
Jaune: *Gets into his stance* So I won't be vaporized by a laser, great.
------
Maiden Penny: *Floats down* I sacrificed myself to save the world, Friend-Jaune.
Rusted Jaune: *Removes helmet* No! There had to be another way!
Maiden Penny: *Eyes glowing* And now my final act will be to save you.
A new opportunity
(Good god i can't remember the last time i spent so long in such a long post, hope you enjoy)
Another day began at Beacon, and just like always, teams RWBY and JNPR gathered for breakfast at the cantina.
Nora: -which is why i believe that a monetary system based on Maple syrup would be the best solution to an economic crisis.
Ren: . . . . . .
Pyrrha: . . . . . .
Ruby: . . . . . .
Blake: . . . .worst thing of all? that kinda makes sense.
Jaune: Huh, looks like I kept the gray streak in my hair.
Weiss: It looks more white to me~.
Ruby: No, it's silver!
Weiss: White!
Ruby: Silver!
Jaune: ...
------
Weiss: WHITE!
Ruby: SILVER!
Yang: It's been 3 hours!
Blake: How can they keep this going for so long?
Jaune: No idea.
Weiss: It's white and it represents how he's going to marry me!
Ruby: No, it's silver. Just like my eyes! And he's going to marry me!
Jaune: Can't it be both?
My sister is an angel... Right?
Jaune's apartment.
Yang: I know it's kind of silly that I feel this way because you're dating my sister. But you understand my situation right?
Jaune: Oh I completely understand you. I have younger sisters and I know how it feels when they have a boyfriend. But it is part of life. They grew up and the most we can do is trust them and help in whatever way we can.
Yang: Thank you Jaune.
Jaune: It's ok. And about your question about my relationship with your sister. Don't worry, our relationship is healthy and I always treat your sister with the respect she deserves.
Yang: I'm glad.
*SLAM!!* The door is thrown open.
Ruby: Oh Jaune, your favorite big booty goth girl is back!~💕
Jaune: *Worry* Ruby stop.
Ruby: You didn’t miss me? Do you need me to punish you?~💕
Jaune: Ruby please stop.
Ruby: Don't worry. I can take care of that~💕
Jaune: RUBY!!
Ruby: What?
Jaune: Your sister came to visit us.
Ruby: My siste-? OH!
Ruby then turns around and notices that Yang is in the room as well.
Ruby: H-Hi sis, you look... good?
Yang: *About to cry* We used to play house with dad. And now you're… you're… you're a pervert. Waaah!
Ruby: I can explain! Jaune help me!
Jaune: Do not look at me. You are the pervert in this relationship.
Yang: *Cries louder*
Ruby: Jaune!
Nora: So…you guys went to a fairy tale-ass dimension where everything was fucked up. Did…did you guys get anything while you were there? Find out any new things about yourselves?
Weiss: Nah, not really, it was pretty uneventful-
Jaune: I got trapped in there for 20 years so now I’m mentally older than everyone I know while dealing with the crippling knowledge that I can’t save everyone.
Ruby: The stress of leadership got to me, so I tried to commit suicide. Kinda.
Yang: Blake and I got LAID!
Weiss: …oh. right. Forgot about…all that.
Nora: Okay. So…that sounds…traumatizing.
Jaune: It was!
Ruby: Thank you for asking.
Yang: I mean it depends if Blake’s tongue counts as traumatizing-
Blake: Shut Up Yang.
Nora: …
Nora: …Ngl feel a little uncomfortable inquiring any further about THAT can of worms.
Nora: Was there anything that…wasn’t horrifically awkward to talk about?
Weiss: Uh…I guess not really-
Yang: Weiss is into DILFs.
Weiss: HEY-
Nora: Oh HELL YEAH, that’s what I’m talking about. Wait, who was she thirsting over?
Weiss: I wasn’t thirsting over anyone-
Ruby: Jaune.
Yang: Jaune.
Blake: Jaune.
Jaune: Wait, what?
Nora: Oh REALLY?
Weiss: That wasn’t me being thirsty-
Blake: “Oh Jaune, when did you get so mature…”
Yang: When she saw Aged-Jaune she wanted to climb that shit like a LADDER.
Ruby: I’m not sure I want to know what she would’ve done if we weren’t there to shame her.
Nora: Ice Queen wanted an Ice Daddy?
Weiss: I Hate. You ALL.
R_BY_N___: *Proceed to begin teasing Weiss relentlessly*
Jaune: *Whispers* Sorryyyyy…
Weiss: *Whispers* It’s okay. I’m glad they’re talking about…literally anything besides the traumatic stuff right about now.
Jaune: Fair, still, little rude to be making stuff up about you. Not like you actually wanted to jump my bones or anything, right?
Weiss: …
Jaune: …
Weiss: *Blushes*
Jaune: Wait. Hang on. There’s no-Weiss I hadn’t taken a shower in a WEEK-
Weiss: Okay yes but also neither had I, so it’s not like I was gonna judge, besides that sweaty musky smell was kinda hot-
Jaune: …
Weiss: Oh I probably shouldn’t have said that. Sorryyyyyy….
Jaune: Its okay Weiss. It’s flattering. A little weird. But flattering.
Weiss: Thanks…
Jaune: Besides, we can put that behind us! Now that I’m kind of young again it’s not like you still want to bang me.
Weiss: …
Jaune: …
Weiss: *blushes*
Jaune: Weiss?
Weiss: *jumps up and places a kiss on his cheek before scurrying away*
Jaune: Weiss?!?!? Weiss what was that???? Weiss?!?!??
Jaune: *runs after her*
The specific scenarios of Miles parents meeting his friends is so funny to me bc after how they dragged Gwen's emo ass they'd be losing their shit over Hobie aka literal self proclaimed anarchist acab king who somehow radiates way more of a GET OUT aura to them than already mentioned gal does and then theyd have a whole ass man ??? with a literal child ????? lmao Peter wouldn't even have time for some rational explanation they'd just go for an instantaneous who ARE you and kick shove the door right in his face. Then they'd meet Pav. And they'd cry out of joy bc listen guys they'd fucking LOVE Pav ok like the kid SMILES and is KIND and EXTREMELY POLITE and gives overall THE BEST ENERGY EVER GIVEN and holy shit honey this kids the fucking actual sun oh my god wait is he single ?? I bet he isn't he is a DREAM hey son have you ever thought of idk yk dating him like listen ok forget about that white girl pls he is perfect ok listen to us for a moment Miles hear us out pleas
Delinquent Pyrrha
Basically what Pyrrha would be like if the pressure of being champion got to her. Still wanna make a Gyaru Pyrrha but have no idea what that'd look like...
Dr. Arc
Dr. Jaune: *Looking at the camera* Hello, my name is Jaune Arc. I'm the Becon Academy Doctor and I hate my job. *He says with a big smile*
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Nurse Penny: Doctor, Prof. Xiao long got hurt again.
Jaune: Ok, bring her inside.
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Jaune: *At the camera* I have a good staff, Penny is attentive and loves her job. I also have a secretary, Miss Zedong, she's a bit shy but she's the best at her job.
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May: *On the phone* Of course. Miss Xiaolong, you can come in now.
Yang: *Holding her broken arm* What?
May: You can come in now.
Yang: I can what?
-------------
Jaune: *To the camera* The only thing bad are my patients.
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*Knock Knock*
Penny: *Opens the door for yang* Please come in, Prof. Xiao long.
Yang: Thank you. *To Jaune* What up Doc? How's it going?~
Jaune: Better than you, I see.
Yang: *Chuckles* Oh this broken arm? It's nothing compared to my broken heart. When are you going to accept a date with me?
Jaune: *Sighs*
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Jaune: *To the camera* Yang likes to tease me. She always talks about going out on a date, or spending an afternoon together playing "Doctor", but I know she doesn't mean it. She just wants to annoy me.
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Yang: *At the camera* I wanna fuck that man
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Jaune: Ok, this is only going to hurt a little so hold on.
Yang: HA! I am a woman of steel. I don't feel pain!
Jaune: *Snap the bone into place*
Yang: OH SON OF A-! Damn that hurt.
Jaune: *Using his Aura to heal her* Your aura will help you heal fast, but you won't be able to fight for 3 days. Understood?
Yang: But Doc...
Jaune: *Serious* Understood?
Yang: Shit, you look so sexy when you act like that. Hey what if we-
Jaune: *Interrupts her* Excelentes news, we are done here. Penny, please escort patient to the entrance please.
Penny: Yes Doctor.
Yang: Come on Jaune, just one date.
Jaune: Goodbye Yang, have a nice day.
Yang: Tsk, I'll get you one day.
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Jaune: *To the camera* And that is something that I do here. Normally more things happen, but today seems to be a quiet day.
Penny: Doctor, Nora hurt herself again using electricity.
Jaune: God damn it! I'm coming!
My Daughter is an Angel... Right?
Jaune's Apartment.
Jaune serves a piece of cake to Pyrrha's mom.
Jaune: It's good that you were able to visit us, Mrs. Nikos. Pyrrha will be happy to see you.
Mama Nikos: Oh thank you, I thought I would be a bother to you two.
Jaune: Nonsense, you are always welcome here.
Mama Nikos: Thank you. *Takes a bite of cake* Oh my god! It's delicious, where did you buy this cake?
Jaune: I made it myself.
Mama Nikos: Oh really? You have to give me the recipe.
Jaune: Sure, just let me go get a pen and paper.
*BAM!* The apartment's front door is flung open.
Pyrrha: Oh Jauney~💕! Your Greek goddess has arrived!
Jaune: *Quietly* Oh shit....
Jaune: Pyrrha before you say anything, your mo-
Pyrrha: *interrupts him* And look… *She pulls out a video camera* I bought this when I was walking here. With this we can film while we fu-
Jaune: Make a cake!!! Great idea. (Please, stop!)
Pyrrha: What? No. It's for you to film me while you fuck me good~💕
Jaune: *Panic* Pyrrha!
Pyrrha: Just like last time when you fuck me on the couch, and treat me like your whore~💕
Jaune: Pyrrha stop!
Pyrrha: I want you to record how I choke with your big cock. How I leave my drooling all over it. I want to see the horny stupid face I make when your breed me. I want you to fuck my brains out in 4k~💕
Jaune: *Covering his face in shame with his hands*
Pyrrha: Jaune? Is something wrong?
Jaune: Your mom came to visit.
Pyrrha: My... MOM?! *She finally turns to look at her mom*
Mama Nikos: *Angry* Jaune, could I speak to my daughter in private?
Jaune: Of course. *Leaves*
Pyrrha: Jaune! Don't leave me alone with her! Jaune! JAUNE!!!!
The Arc Family Part 11
Little Jaune: *Tired* I'm back.
Mama Arc: How was the school? Oh god, what happened to you?
In front of her was her son all muddy and very tired.
Little Jaune: I was pushed by my enemy.
Mama Arc: You were pushed by your enemy? You mean a bully?! Nicolas! Your son is being bullied at school!
Papa Arc: *From far away* What?! Give me a moment, I'll be there.
After a while Papa Arc joins the conversation.
Papa Arc: What is that about Jaune being bullied?
Mama Arc: Well, he came all muddy and tired. He told me that he was pushed by his enemy!
Papa Arc: That doesn't sound good at all. Can you tell me what happened to you son?
Little Jaune: Well...
Flash back
In the classroom in math class. Jaune was working on his exercises until a note falls on his table. He takes it and looks around to see who send it to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices that Weiss, the most strict girl in the class, turns away immediately.
Little Jaune: (Is this from Weiss? What for?)
He will open the note and say: "Dear Jaune. I'll be waiting behind the gym after school today. Make sure to come alone, ok. From Weiss"
Little Jaune: Eh? (What is this. This is scary!)
In Jaune's eyes, Weiss is a difficult girl. He always interrupts the boy's fun, threatening to tell the teacher, and always says that the boy/s are dumb. She isn't too bad from the perspectivo of an adult, but for a child like Jaune, he prefers to stay away from her.
Little Jaune: (I'm being called out, what do I do...?! Is this Bullying?!!)
While jaune was getting more and more worried, Weiss felt nervous and was blushing.
Later that day, Weiss is playing on her phone behind the gym while waiting for Jaune to arrive.
Little Jaune: Th-Thanks for waiting, Weiss.
Weiss smiles and turns to see Jaune's direction. But she finds a boy covered in notebooks and duct tape on his body and wearing a trash can for a helmet.
Little Weiss: What are you wearing?
Little Jaune: It's my armor.
Little Weiss: You look lame, just take it off.
Little Jaune: You won't hurt me if I take it off?
Little Weiss: Huh? Why would I hurt you? That's bullying.
Moments later, Jaune took off all his armor.
Little Jaune: Uh... Then, what do you want?
Little Weiss: *Looks away nervous* Do I have to spell it out for you? Really, you're such a child.
Little Jaune: A child?
Little Weiss: *Looks at him* You see, I haven't been getting much sleep recently.
Little Jaune: Huh?
Little Weiss: My skin is starting to get rough, and I can't concentrate on the lessons... *she begins to blush* And it's all your fault. So take responsibility.
Little Jaune: *Confuse* Eh? Responsibility? You mean like a penalty game? Why?
His reaction upsets Weiss and she pushes him into a puddle of mud.
Little Jaune: Ugh!
Little Weiss: Why don't you get it already?! *runs away* You're such a child and an airhead!
Little Jaune: Weiss is scaaaary.
Flash back ends
Little Jaune: And then I walked home and here we are.
Mama Arc: Jaune, I think you misunderstood, it seems that this girl-
Papa Arc: *Interrupts her* Wants to be your rival!
Mama Arc: What?
Little Jaune: *Excited* Really?!
Papa Arc: Yes, it happened to me many times in the past. Girls came to me with excuses like that to let my guard down, but I didn't let them. So you shouldn't do the same.
Mama Arc: Honey, you're both wrong. She did it because she likes Jaune.
Papa Arc: Of course she likes Jaune, who wouldn't want to have my son as their rival!
Little Jaune: Yeah!
Mama Arc: *Sigh* Like father Like Son.
The Crown is Never Wrong. (Mothers day Edition)
Mama Arc: *She finds the Crown of Choice on the table in the living room* What is this?
She takes the crown and looks at it carefully.
Mama Arc: (Did Jaune leave this here? I don't think he'll mind if I use it.)
She puts on the crown and a vision appears.
Vision:
At the house of the Arc Grandparents:
Dragonslayer Kid: Grandma, come one! Everyone is waiting!
Grandmama Arc: I'm coming dear.
Winter's Kid: Grandma, do you need help walking?
Grandmama Arc: Oh yes please, how sweet.
With the help of her grandson, she goes out to the garden where everyone in the family is waiting for her.
Lancaster kid's: *Excited* Grandma is here!
Whiteknight Kid's: *Happy* Grandma!
ArcWitch Kid: Hey, everybody stick to the plan!
Belladonna Kid's: She is right!
Penny's Kid: Guys, on the count of three. One... Two... Three...
Everyone: Happy Mother's Day Grandma!
Grandmama Arc: *Happy* Oh my god, thank you.
Nora's Kids: That's my granny! You are the best grandma! I love you a lot, grandma! Wooooho!!!
Arcfall Kid: Shut up morons!
Visions ends.
Mama Arc: That was beautiful. I'm not going to let my stupid son screw this up. Jaune, where are you?! Did you know that our family is allergic to condoms! Jaune!!!