gentle garbage

she was a gal and she had a pal can i make it anymore obvious?

vampires don't need to bathe because they can't sweat or anything but they absolutely get dirty from running through the woods all day. so whenever that happens carlisle lines all the kids up outside and absolutely blasts the shit out of them with the pressure washer like he's trying to get mud off a car

the marble skin ensures they don’t get hurt or anything, but once or twice Alice wasn’t paying attention and didn’t plant her feet and her little body got blown right into a tree

Emmett tries to bite at the water like a dog with a garden hose

The twilight fandom has aged like a fine wine.

I mean vampires don't need to breathe right? So can't they just throw Alice in the washing machine?

the cullens rent out a laundromat one day a month

just, the entire laundromat

alice fits just fine into the industrial-sized machine 

emmett made a tik-tok out of her spinning around in the dryer and screaming WOOOOOOOO and it was one of the most popular videos until carlisle made him take it down

N U N   R A V E

BLESS THIS MOSH PIT

“Drop the blessed bass sister Mary Bethel!”

I’m not gonna lie, this made my night.

The Male Chivalry fandom absolutely ruins their pants over the Defending A Woman’s Honor trope but cannot comprehend the Woman Defends Her Own Honor scenario and that’s why strong female characters get dumped on

Man punches a man who catcalls me on the street? A hero. A role model. I should marry him. I punch a man who catcalls me on the street? Overreaction. Crazy SJW feminist. It was a compliment. Why do we glorify violence. I’m the real bad guy

Kinda makes you wonder if my honor is really the motive here tbh

There she is officer, that’s the woman who stole my heart

It’s mad that vex can just like ... become the sun as a BONUS ACTION

had a dream last night that I brought a guy home from college to meet my parents and in the middle of us all having dinner he got up on the table and said “I have an announcement to make” and he rips his shirt off to reveal a giant tattoo of krumping Marge Simpson with text that said “Will you marry me BOTTOM TEXT” and I woke up clammy

artistic rendition

VIDEO SOURCE

(Turn on the sound!!)

moo

i hate pranks straight up if you throw water on me or put a spider in my bed or even have the nerve to jump out at me i’m deleting you from my phone from facebook from instagram from myspace from my house and from habbo hotel from neopets like my trust is g o n e gone i’m teleporting back to 2007 and blocking you on msn i swear to fucking god

fanfiction is so wild cause im like…..ugh im not in the mood to read a book…..i’ll just read an 82k word fic instead……

Look…. To start a book… You have to make room in yourself for new characters and worlds. Do I look like I have the emotional energy for that? Do I look like I can trust like that right now? Just show me the things I already know pay good returns on my investment, except I also want to read something new so I guess they can be in a coffee shop this time.

This - this is it, you’ve put it into words

these posts saying that everyone is back on the David Tennant train in 2019 like it’s 2011 while we loyal few have been slogging through every thing he’s put his name to over the years including two versions of the same mopey police detective

Every year on the thirteenth day of the tenth month, they take a camping trip.

That first year they just couldn’t bear to be apart. No one wanted to mourn on their own, so they took a week to travel through the forests outside of Whitestone, catching up and killing things to blow off steam along the way.

The second year was a celebration. Vex was pregnant, and with them all together Pike took the opportunity to propose to Scanlan. The only one to cry more than him was Grog.

The third year, the trip almost didn’t happen. No one expected the de Rolo’s to roam the wilderness with a baby in tow. But this new tradition was important to them, and why shouldn’t their child experience the adventuring that first brought them together?

From then on, it became a family affair. Scanlan’s mansion morphed and shifted for their needs, creating nurseries, play rooms, and guest rooms as necessary. They sat around and told their children stories of the uncle they never knew, of his bravery and stupidity. Each year the campgrounds changed. One year in Vasselheim, one outside Kraghammer, one in the Feywild. They heard of the tales of Vox Machina along the way, of how their parents met and saved the world. In the process, they picked up a few skills. Each member of Vox Machina imparted some of their wisdom on the next generation. The little de Rolo’s and Shorthalt-Trickfoot’s learned about singing, archery, smashing, healing, building, and growing. Soon others started to tag along. Zahra, Kash, Kima, Allura, Tary, and so many others added their own voices and talents to the story from time to time, and their family grew ever bigger. 

The only steadfast were the ravens. Vox Machina was used to ravens following them wherever they went, so they didn’t pay them much mind. But the birds’ glistening eyes followed the children wherever they went.

i just walked past the apartment beneath mine and through an open window i could hear my downstairs neighbor crying faintly while the song jolene played in the background and im just like… bitch are you okay…?

I actually ended up going back downstairs to check on her and brought some leftover cookies I baked this afternoon. she’s very sweet and going through a Breakup Mood™️ after being cheated on. she’s coming over to my gf and I’s annual bad movie night on Friday and she even let me pet her cat named Clarence

my gf thinks it’s funny but very fitting that our downstairs neighbor was able to summon a concerned lesbian just by playing jolene while crying about being done dirty by a man

reblog to summon a concerned lesbian in your hour of need

Yes please

this is so funny i

For f’ing sure

When you’re followed by a blog with a suspicious URL and risque avatar.

high schoolers watching shows you dont like really isnt that deep

Rare photo of J.K. Rowling about to make a tweet (circa 2019)

crowley and aziraphale run into each other in berlin, 1929 a collab btwn me and my sister (her drawing, my colors!)  edit: if you want a print of this, i have it available here!