i want to be like held. like I want to just be with someone. i want to be in contact with someone. i guess im just lonely but idk. I think my desire for human contact is a selfish one. i want to get rid of this negative energy I feel like im being haunted. kinda psyching myself out but idk. i feel mucked up. i wonder if i feel this metaphorically or literally. I genuinely can't tell thats kind of alarming. is it okay to think a ghost is haunting me? why can't i tell if that's how i really feel. theres a difference. I guess it seems feasible. I kinda believe in ghosts but I kinda don't. this nervous breakdown has been nothing but strange I hope im just tired. I don't want new symptoms

my head sounds like tv static my ears hurt i feel so idk not present

god i did it. i my legs were shaking but i did it. im so tired. i dont wanna be suicidal when i wake up. im so tired of wanting to die. i just want to function. maybe even thrive. god. i want a new brain.

why the fuck wont my phone die this is next level bizarre is it not really at one percent what the fuck

why the fuck wont it die

if I sleep ill be able to face tomorrow

if I get up I can go to bed amd look at makeup and sleep

my phone has been on one percent for 10 minutes I want it to die so I have incentive to get up

god im desperate

please?

I can do this

it's just period stuff itll go away i can do this. i can do this. i can get up and do this. i just have to go to bed. that's all i have to do. i'll do the rest tomorrow. i can't do it now it wont work it might work tomorrow i'll be fine tomorrow i can do it i have to. i have to finish finals i have to go home please please please

please be lucid please just think straight. i am thinking straight though. what's the problem what's wrong i don't understand why i cant fucking function.

at least im not cold. i hate being cold.

i dont know what to do with myself. im basting in my own period blood and I am frozen im locked im afraid to move im afraid of confronting my problems my responsibilities my friends myself especially at present. i don't want control of myself everything is wrong. if i get out of the tub then what fuck i dont know what to do i dont know i dont know i simultaneously want neither death nor life. both have consequences both scare me. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i dont know what to do. i dont know what i want to do i dont know whats best for me right now i dont know how to make a decision i dont know how to be a person i hate myself so much i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i am stuck im so stuck i can't do anything good for myself why cant i why cant i just move god please aja just move aja aja aja you're a person and you exist at least pretend you do for twenty minutes. enough to put your own damn self to bed why cant you do that aja AJA AJA FOR FUCKS SAKE GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD guess not thought that would work. you'll feel like ripe shit when you wake up in the tub covered in your own menstruation. god i hate myself