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hopeless romantic

@eternalmelody

kayla / 21

my dad–also a writer–came to visit, and i mentioned that the best thing to come out of the layoff is that i’m writing again. he asked what i was writing about, and i said what i always do: “oh, just fanfic,” which is code for “let’s not look at this too deeply because i’m basically just making action figures kiss in text form” and “this awkward follow-up question is exactly why i don’t call myself a writer in public.”

he said, “you have to stop doing that.”

“i know, i know,” because it’s even more embarrassing to be embarrassed about writing fanfic, considering how many posts i’ve reblogged in its defense.

but i misunderstood his original question: “fanfic is just the genre. i asked what you’re writing about.” 

i did the conversational equivalent of a spinning wheel cursor for at least a minute. i started peeling back the setting and the characters, the fic challenge and the specific episode the story jumps off from, and it was one of those slow-dawning light bulb moments. “i’m writing about loneliness, and who we are in the absence of purpose.”

as, i imagine, are a lot of people right now, who probably also don’t realize they’re writing an existential diary in the guise of getting television characters to fuck. 

that’s what you’re writing. the rest is just how you get there, and how you get it out into the world. was richard iii really about richard the third? would shakespeare have gotten as many people to see it if it wasn’t a story they knew?”

so, my friends: what are you writing about?

I think I’ve reblogged this before. Don’t care. Doing it again.

it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

"July is light blue. The color of the sky. July feels like a long vacation. In the sun it sounds like waves splashing alone the beach. July smells like my birthday cake. It tastes like chocolate ice-cream. July is the best month of the year."

-Gurpiar Sidhu

other shows may think they are good but they are NOT Dead To Me created by liz feldman starring linda cardellini and christina applegate stream now on netflix

The Signs As Studio Ghibli Moodboards: Taurus♉️

“Magnificent tree. It’s been around since long ago, back in the time when people and trees used to be friends.”- Tatsuo Kusakabe, My Neighbour Totoro (1988)

Studio Ghibli Move Recommendation: My Neighbour Totoro (1988)

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Thinking about howls moving castle as romance but also as a young girl who’s been exploited by her family as the eldest daughter her whole life, and has never had any dream other than to put herself second to well-being of her stepmom and sisters. Meets a man, but the only thing he can offer her is a room in his castle and the opportunity to watch him be selfish in his all his relationships and responsibilities. Which she can learn from, and finally put herself first.

wheres MY "wow sophie, ur hair looks just like starlight! its beautiful" moment

Every time I rewatch Howl’s Moving Castle and Sophie tends to calcifer, I know she’s taking care of Howl’s heart. If I don’t ever get to experience love in such a vulnerable and most importantly, indirect way…I don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself.

Just watched Howls moving castle again when I tell you that movie magically fixes my mood. For two hours I am absolutely vibing. They all just grow into such wonderful people together?? They’re a family your honor?? It’s truly such a wonderful film and it captures the feel good vibe so perfectly

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Howl's moving castle is the only movie where the lead is like 'I love this guy' within the first 10 minutes and I'm completely on board with it like yeah me too Sophie let's go get this man

And all I want in life is a little cottage in the high up mountains, make butter and do pottery and send them to my loved ones through the mail while reading books in the meantime and dress prettily uhuhuh