No matter how you feel about the joker movie as a movie, you still have to admit that the way it chaotically threw off disney’s plans for endgame this year is so fucking funny? Like? The mouse schemed to end their last avengers movie on a cliffhanger so that endgame could make bank. They poured $365 million into the budget, and an additional $200 million+ into marketing to secure its spot as the most talked about comic book film of the year. And the way they peddled that film to get maximum discourse was astounding? The gay joe russo character, everyone speculating over who was going to die, the “best picture” and “oscar nom for Robert Downey Jr” campaigns. The way a board room of writers fumed in a room for a year deciding strategically what the least offensive story was for maximum appeal, and it was pg so that every living human being on earth could go see it. they released endgame in the theatres TWICE.

And then just. 

this fuckign clown mcgee movie that NO ONE asked for or even wanted comes along - and from the director of the hangover movies too???? and everyone’s in a panic that this film is going to make people do crime?? like, everyone’s either talking about how great it is, or it’s trash - but even if you hated it, you’re still talking about it? And it was rated r, so it cut the audience who could go see the movie in half, and yet because it cost around $60 million to make and earned $1 billion+ at the box office, it still technically became the most profitable comic book movie to date lmao?? It’s not even connected to a batman movie and it somehow got that record. And now the oscar noms are out, and joker has 11 oscar noms meanwhile endgame got 1 nom for visual effects… lmao this movie really is the real life version of how it feels to get pranked by the joker’s trick

if they made bucky an anti hero (which is just a regular hero but for people who aren’t pussy) especially when the enemy is hydra and sam was the ‘likes to claim plausible deniability at buckys actions but always brings him along anyway bc doing what’s right trumps whatever wild shit buckys about to do’?…ugh that would be so sexie ☺️

[on a mission]

bucky: *throws bad guy out of a window*

hydra agent: I thought you didn’t kill people!

sam: I don’t

hydra agent: he just threw a guy out of a five story window!

sam: I didn’t see him do that. bucky did you do that?

bucky: no

sam: see?

hydra agent: I saw you!

bucky: how do you know hes dead? how do know i didn’t put a mattress down there?

hydra agent: did you?

bucky: no

!! coffin cuck !!

you know what, I think u just ran into a vampire couple. they opened their marriage not because they’re tired of each other or anything, but because they figure it’s probably unrealistic to remain entirely monogamous for eternity. they might not remember what century they met, but they’re secure enough in their relationship that they can work through the issues of being open married together without judgement

tropes i will never get tired of

This right here is a serotonin generator

i love people who get excited about stars

I get excited about stars because where I live there’s so much air pollution that you can’t fuckin see any

Brie Larson guest-hosting Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12/18/2019.

T I T S

mr delmar from delmar’s sandwich place in queens figures out that peter is spiderman bc the masked vigilante himself bounds in one day, orders a sandwich, and then asks him to “squish it down real flat” and who the hell else says that aside from peter goddamn parker

peter says it and then stiffens as he realizes what he said and there’s like. a pause. mr delmar is squinting at him. peter is standing there awkwardly with one forearm braced across his chest because he’d made a motion with that order and hadn’t set his arm down. murph meows and rubs against peter’s legs.

“okay, spiderman, one sandwich squished down real flat coming right up,” delmar says, and he grins at the kid. god, what an idiot. “and hey, man, you can come by whenever you want. for groceries and supplies or for just a breather- the break room’s got a half dead coffee maker, but you could probably fix it.” he arches an eyebrow as he hands spiderman the sandwich. “you’re always welcome here.”

spiderman hands him the money, stutters out a relieved I- oh okay, thank you, and scrams.

several days later, a red-faced, oddly shy peter parker comes up to the counter with an armful of first aid supplies, mumbling something about how here’s closest. delmar rolls his eyes as he begins to check him out, and makes a mental note to stock more medical supplies. he’s seen the shit that this kid gets hit with.

“you don’t get a discount,” he says, and peter barks out a surprised laugh.

anybody else here not good at anything

when people ask where you see yourself in 10 years

JUMPING ON THIS OPPORTUNITY

LAST YEAR WE CAN REBLOG THIS GUYS

spiderman: into the spiderverse has an post credits scene fools.

I always forget that the MCU and the Netflix Marvel shows exist in the same universe but like…do the Defenders know about Spider-man??? Like has Jessica ever looked at a TV segment talking about Spidey and been like “oh god not another asshole in a red suit”?? Have Matt and Foggy ever been at the police station while the cops were bringing in some asshole completely covered in spider webs?? Has Luke ever just been kicking ass on the streets only to have this CHILD swing in out of nowhere to steal his thunder?? Peter’s just OUT THERE, running around NYC, helping little old ladies cross the street in front of God and everyone, like you can’t convince me the Defenders DON’T know about him and maybe fear for his safety a little because oh god that’s a child

Just so you know there was a scene during my test screening of into the spiderverse where Peter Porker says fuck and I just went and watched the final film tonight and they cut it out. It appeared in a speech bubble with a bunch of symbols like “f$&@!”. He also had a horrifying line about one of his family members dying and it smelling like singed bacon that legit got gasps during the test screening but they cut that as well. I just want you to know they made John Mulaney say so much weird shit that did not make it into the final cut of the film and y’all better pray they put it in the extended features because I was DEVASTATED at some of the jokes they removed.

Fun fact, they didnt make John say any of that stuff. in an interview he said that, since he was a comedian he was told to “have fun with it” during his recording sessions; which apparently lead to a lot of swearing and morbid jokes for at least 2 hours before he stopped and asked what the movie was rated. “PG.”

“Oh, so you can’t use anything that I’ve said at all”

“No, no we cant.”

“Well why didnt you guys stop me sooner??”

“You were having fun with it.”

i love the implication here that a multibillion-dollar animation studio with executive meddling saturating every action it takes went so far as to animate a character saying fuck and include it in test screenings for their rated-PG holiday blockbuster

Steve on Asgardian liquor is a woo girl and no one can tell me otherwise ever

#‘thor you’re SO funny #thor you’re so - isn’t he so funny? isn’t he SO SO FUNNY?’ #natasha: ‘im leaving’ #sam: ‘im right behind you’ #bucky: ‘i wanna see how this plays out’ #‘HEY NAT. NAT. WOULDN’T IT BE LIKE HILARIOUS #IF YOU DARED ME TO MAKE OUT WITH THOR? #COME ON I DARE YOU TO DARE US TO MAKE OUT’ (via ilvalentinos)

Where’s that pic of the twink staring at the bear because that’s the vibe this gives me

what a good addition to this post

like what if the asgardian immune system works hard but the common cold works harder? one day his throat get scratchy and then he starts getting sniffly and a headache sets in and by the time bruce gets home he’s convinced he’s Dying

thor: this will be my last day on earth

bruce, shoving him under five blankets: I wish I could have more sympathy but I TOLD you to wash your hands and be careful with what you touch in public spaces & u didn’t

thor: I will never smell the sharp tang of sweat and blood in the midst of battle again, nor breathe in the delicate fragrance of summer flowers, or savor the taste of a hearty stew. oh how i undervalued the freedom of a clear nose. i swear, if i survive this–

bruce, about to give him a lethal dose of nyquil to shut him up for a few hours:

anyway at least one nyc newspaper publishes a headline that says HORNY ON MAIN: DAREDEVIL SPOTTED ON STREET IN CENTER OF HELL’S KITCHEN and it instantly goes viral. foggy gets a braille version for matt, who in turn gets it framed

I appreciate that when Frank Castle says he’s old-fashioned he means, “if you even so much as look wrong at a vulnerable person in my presence I’ll beat you to death with my bare hands and it will be your own goddamn fault” and not, “women are weak so you should let me handle it”