Oops. Crowley left his playlist in the Bentley.

Throwing this meta idea out there for someone because my recurring headaches (migraines?) are fucking me up...

I would love to see an analysis on all the times Crowley/Aziraphale are on opposite sides to where they usually are (possibly excluding the car bits because I recall Neil saying something about how they *had* to film that way because of the driver seat).

Like -- I've always sorta noticed noticed that they're usually on the "wrong side" when they're either flipping the script, acting out of character, or at some sort of odds against each other, but I don't have it in me to really do a deep dive. See a few examples, though...

Crowley switching sides when he proposes a totally fair not rigged in any way coin toss for Aziraphale to go do a temptation (then ends up on the hook for a miracle himself).

They're sort of "at odds" with each other here, but not really. They sort of appear to be in character, but they're really kind of not? Crowley's sarcastic as hell but not normally that rough with Aziraphale. And Aziraphale is thirsty as fuck in this scene and he normally tries to hide it better.

At some point Aziraphale mentions they're on opposite sides, and they literally are, on screen, from where they normally are. Aziraphale is lying, Crowley's trying to pull off a personal miracle, and they are at odds with where they normally are in their relationship.

Again they're at odds with where they normally are -- Crowley is emotional, vulnerable, in public. You can even see right through his glasses here! I'm certain that's conveying his vulnerability. Aziraphale has just defied heaven, and is seeking a human to possess.

This one is interesting because they start out on the "right" sides for who they actually are and they're discussing each other's prized possessions, then Crowley circles around and we see them in the correct visual order, right before their respective sides kidnap them and they really have to really put on the show.

Okay, I kind of lied on not being able to analyze this, but still I'm SURE someone could do a deeper dive into all of these scenes (and I know there's more I didn't mention!).

I think one of the reasons Good Omens speaks so intensely to so many people is how it handles abusive relationship dynamics and, of course, the deeply hopeful resolution that is so incredibly rare when this topic is explored.

Good Omens just handles and illustrates the concept of emotional trauma so well. Particularly as it relates to toxic relationships, and childhood emotional and psychological abuse.

A lot of the stories and allegories we get in modern media are about physical abuse. Here though, we see the fallout of controlling relationships. How subtle and deceptive and insidious they are. How, unless you’ve gotten lucky enough to gain some outside perspective, you can’t even see it for what it is.

Good Omens perfectly illustrates two different sides of the victims of abusive family relationships:

Aziraphale is the compliant one. He really tries to see the good in everyone and he’s unintentionally an apologist because, through no fault of his own, he’s been completely brainwashed. Because he’s a good being, his priority isn’t himself, but others. Extending grace to everyone but himself is so intrinsic to who he is that he expects no reciprocity. Even though he can’t shake the feeling that something is off, he’s been taught not to trust himself and therefore continues to brush it off or to simply choose not to think about it. 

Aziraphale is NOT however, completely unrebellious. His priority, though, whether he’s aware of it or not, is self-preservation, as is invariably the outcome in a family situation like this one. He is very good at perceived compliance but ultimately motivated by other things. The first example we see of this is in giving his sword away in the garden. He follows this up with many small, mostly ignored acts of non compliance - his association with Crowley, his love affair with humanity, indulging his hedonistic tendencies etc. - without endangering his position, firmly on the side of the angels. Yet, like anyone who has ever been in this type of family dynamic, he is very motivated by fear. He fears consequences because he knows they will not be merciful. He mentions this quite a few times throughout the story, worried both for himself and for Crowley. 

Crowley is the proverbial black sheep. He questions authority. If something feels wrong, he’s not going to let it go. Crowley has a very strong sense of right and wrong but where it differs from that of Aziraphale’s is that it is intrinsic. It relies on free will, on choice. Something can’t be purely right unless it is free from outside controlling influences. Force is never right, manipulation is never right. Crowley doesn’t believe in artificially imposed “morals” and he cannot reconcile the incongruence of heaven beating everyone over the head with “goodness” and forcing them to comply with it, especially when things like infantcide and crucifiction are involved and everyone is just supposed to be ok with that.

So he questions. He probably did so respectfully. “Respect your elders and betters” is definitely something you are browbeaten with in a dynamic like this. That, however, is a transgression that is not easily forgiven unless you drop it immediately and never bring it up again. Clearly, this is not what happened. And the consequence was being kicked out of heaven and punished. And he never really gets over it. He was betrayed by his family and that’s not something that ever heals right.

He “hung around the wrong people” because, under the circumstances they were the only others around. Crowley gives the distinct impression of a kid thrown out of his abusive family and inadvertently ended up in a gang of anarchists because self-preservation is something you learn early in a situation like that.

Heaven is very much an “ends justify the means” crowd. Of course, the “end” in this case isn’t particularly great either and in fact the only goal involved is the elimination of the other side, the perceived “evil” to Heaven’s “good”. Heaven perceives “good” as submission to the rules and they the enforcers of it. Hell perceives “evil” as the opposite of that but really it just boils down to choice.  

Hell’s manifesto then, as it were, is really just “do the opposite of what Heaven wants”. But Crowley takes that a step further because he believes in the value of choice. It’s what he’s been pushing Aziraphale towards since they met.

What makes this story so delightful and so satisfying is that Aziraphale ultimately chooses to say no to his family. He chooses, well, to have a choice, and defend others rights to choice. He leaves the abusive dynamic and he chooses Crowley and himself and humanity. He learns boundaries and stops allowing himself to be controlled. And we get such a good representation of how hard that is to do. But we also get to see that he’s not going to have to do it alone. Crowley is never going to leave him on his own, not even when he says he is. And that’s what eventually drives Aziraphale to make the choice; Heaven’s controlling superiority or Crowley’s unrelenting support.  

Crowley’s arc is that he’s caught in the middle. He’s not ruthless enough for Heaven or for Hell and he’s unable to deny his personal convictions enough to convincingly fake it. He didn’t want to fall. He didn’t want to be evil. He just didn’t want to be whatever it is Heaven is. 

So he’s out there, alone, doing his best to survive and blend in until he runs into Aziraphale and finds a kindred spirit. And Crowley can’t help but to be drawn to Aziraphale because he’s different. He’s kind. Because, even though the angel doesn’t know it yet, Aziraphale is like Crowley and they’re destined, someday, to be on their own side.

Angst with a happy ending, indeed.

#yessss#yes this#all of this#this so much#I do think it’s also important to note how crowley fell into another different but still abusive crowd after being kicked out#no less controlling but more overtly violent#bc victims of this sort of abuse can have a hard time not falling into the same/similar abuse again#and we can revictimize each other in our pain & anger & need to gain the control our original abusers took from us#whoop everything about this show hits on my feelings about the controlling abusive religion I grew up in#good omens#good omens 2019#meta#domestic abuse#emotional abuse#mental abuse

Via @jezunya​.

Which, uh, yeah. The control is familiar! And it’s maybe also interesting and important to note that Crowley is a whole lot more compliant after his Fall, despite having fallen in with an even more overtly controlling community, because he doesn’t really think he has anywhere else to go. And that Aziraphale, who has a “place to go” in the form of his connection to Crowley himself, is a lot more openly defiant as a singular angel when he does choose to tell Heaven to go stuff it, and winds up being more emphatically aggressive about his defiance than Crowley is–he has a safer place to stand than Crowley ever did. 

I also don’t think that Aziraphale is exactly brainwashed, either–he certainly doesn’t have Stockholm Syndrome so hard that he genuinely trusts Heaven or would bring them any information more than is necessary to keep himself safe. He has doubts, but he doesn’t want to voice them–but he is visibly afraid of Gabriel and Sandalphon, and in fact he is visibly tense and uncomfortable pretty much every time he’s interacting with Heaven. The overall sense is that he is unhappy with Heaven and thinks it’s a threat, but that he’s too frightened of the consequences to choose to officially leave, especially when he can choose to be quiet and pay lip service and engage in the things he really wants to do in his own time. 

It’s interesting for me because I can see aspects of myself in both of their responses – I picked fights and yelled and asked questions and yelled again, but when I was too tired for that, I would go quiet and compartmentalize my life very strongly and pay my lip service, and then I would go do what I really wanted. At one stage I tried doing what was wanted, just in case it was better after all; but eventually I just gave up and waited for the storm to pass. You can get away with an awful lot when you have the appearance of someone who is respectable, after all. 

Moreover, Aziraphale is never portrayed as weak for falling victim to this emotional abuse. (Neither is Crowley.) From a representation perspective, it’s a lot easier to say “hey I see myself in this abused character” when that character is miracle-wielding, super-intelligent angel (or demon) than a hurt little kid. There’s a certain degree of “if he can get caught in this, then I could too, and it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me.”

From a fandom perspective, it’s fun to be able to switch from “he’s BAMF!” to “he BABY!” and vice-versa.

Yes! It also goes to show that no one is immune to it - you don’t have to be a scared kid (although, it should be noted, scared kids are also valid and if you ever were one that does not make you weak (we all were at some point, let’s be real))… you can be a Powerful Eldritch Being and still be emotionally abused and bullied into a way of thinking that doesn’t agree with you. You can be powerful and still be afraid. One of the important lessons about abuse that is often overlooked in media and needs to be more widely shown is that it can happen to anyone. Men, women, adults, children, the strongest people you know, people who hide it insanely well, can all be victims of any form of abuse.

Consider: Anathema is not all that interested in books. Her grandmother was an early Apple investor; she doubtless grew up with all the latest and greatest information technology at her fingertips. She has a modern university education - she does her research on JSTOR and obscure occult blogs. She can query a SQL database with just the right terms to find exactly what she needs, first try. Anathema is indifferent to books - it’s just that she’s from a family that fetishized one book.

Consider: Newt needs books. After all, if he tries to look something up on Wikipedia, the servers shut down and the smartphones of everyone in a quarter-mile radius get bricked. If he went to university, he researched his papers deep in the stacks of the library, cross-referencing dusty volume to dusty volume. (He once tried to use the microfiche reader, but the bulb began to sputter and make popping sounds, so he gave up as a precautionary measure.) Newt is the kind of person who misses card catalogs, because he needs card catalogs.

Consider: You’re writing the kind of story where the adults present at the end of the world stayed in touch, so both Anathema and Newt are available when Aziraphale needs all hands on deck to discover the secret of your story’s supernatural mcguffin. They arrive at the bookshop, ready to give it their all.

“Where’s your computer?” asks Anathema.

She is escorted to the back room, where she is confronted with Aziraphale’s Amstrad PCW. It doesn’t even run on DOS, for somebody’s sake.

Ok, fine. She has her Macbook in her bag. What’s the WiFi password?

WiFi? Aziraphale’s computer can access the internet, but only because he expects it to. There’s no WiFi network - celestial and occult beings don’t need them.

Aziraphale looks from Anathema, who once casually drew pictures on the title page of the one book of prophecy he was never able to acquire, to Newt, who, in the past five minutes, has established a base at the back room table, surrounded himself with antique tomes, and started taking notes on a scratch pad.

Aziraphale distractedly sends Anathema and Crowley across the way to fetch coffee, and then he leans over Newt’s shoulder to point out a noteworthy illustration, which Newt has already bookmarked and used to draw a parallel to a passage in another book.

Newt is hapless, anxious, and often underestimated, but he’s not stupid. And Aziraphale likes him a lot, because they have a lot in common.

OH MY GOD YES

Why has this never been mentioned anywhere before??? 

This makes Absolute Perfect Sense!

Especially when you consider that Newt’s old job was literally just sorting through newspaper clippings and highlighting important information. And he actually fucking rocked at it.

I mean, I feel like people really overlook the fact that Newton Pulsifer was the only character in the entire bloody book to figure out that something funny was happening in Tadfield on his own. Not the only human character, the only character full stop.

Anathema and Aziraphale had the prophecies. Crowley and Shadwell had directions from Aziraphale. Newt literally just had a scrap of newspaper showing that Tadfield had been having unusually nice weather for the time of year, for the past eleven years, and that was all he needed to send him down there.

Shadwell had him looking for signs of witchcraft by sifting through the British tabloids, which are pretty much guaranteed to bring up a lot of false positives in that regard, and yet Newt managed to find the one thing in there that was genuinely magic.

Aziraphale would love him.

Of course Aziraphale would love him. Newt is the Crowley analog. Asking questions of people who are dedicated to a rigid system. (“Don’t the churches so that sort of things these days?” And “You can’t let a 400 year old witch tell you what to do”) Right down to the whole “rebound” issue where he tries to do something and it backfires on him. (“Uh, yeah, if I wanted to improve this computers improvements all I’d have to do is open the disk defragmenter.” Vs “Call Aziraphale! ….ARRGH!”) The only real difference there is that Crowley sews the seeds of his own destruction and Newt seems to have an innate quality to him.

Anyway this is why Newt walking Crowley through an anxiety attack is on my to write list.

I was rewatching the show yesterday (because of course I bloody was) and the scene where Newt asks Anathema “don’t you ever do things just because you want to?” cuts directly into Crowley’s drunken ramble about the nature of falling and it hit me how similar they both are. (Also Anathema/Az - see a bit further on)

They both are cut off from the thing that is important to them: Crowley by Falling and Newt by his curse with machinery. They’ve both been stumbling along, making their own way. The parallel of Newt Falling from his job in the corporate agency and ending up in a grubby, grimy, smelly place with weird stuff on the walls is a subtle call back to Crowley’s own fall from the shiny corporate land of Heaven to the gloomy soggy mess that is Hell.

Their approaches to their significant others also runs a parallel course, although Newt’s version is much abridged in time: run into person from The Opposition, both quite guarded and jabbing at each other, Questions are Asked, Free Thought is encouraged and when one is melting down because he’s feeling useless the Other gives him the emotional boost he needs (”Could you? Make these machines work better” / “Do something, or I’ll never talk to you again!”)

And wow on the Az and Anathema parallels. The line where that really hit me was “I’ve spent my whole life trying to work out what Agnes wanted me to do and she’s never failed me. Sometimes, I fail her.” - is this or is this not Aziraphale’s relationship with God in a nutshell? It’s the divine plan, after all. It’s Ineffable.

OKAY SO I just finished binge watching Good Omens and a thought that occurred to me was that my hesitation before watching this was everyone saying “they’re so cute but they don’t even get together!!” And the other side saying “yeah back in our day we didn’t see gay couples you’re spoiled now so get over it!!” And I’m just????? Y’all. They DID end up together. What are you talking about? Usually, in queer-baiting media, the gay couple thats teased to be end game, end up being with other random people of opposite gender. Or having crushes on people of opposite gender that usually comes to fruition. But at the end of Good Omens *spoilers*, they have lunch at a romantic restaurant where they can finally just enjoy a meal without the fear of being caught together. They get to talk while a soft song plays on piano and they sip champagne and indulge in one another without worry. They didn’t have the “traditional” happy couple ending because they aren’t traditional. They’re 6000+ entities on either side of a war, finding themselves in love with humanity and each other. But, then again, the most traditional part about them is what they enjoy doing on dates: dinner and entertainment.

And they're FREE. They don't get to be free in the book, and it's such a major thing. They say "if we scare you, then leave us alone" and Heaven and Hell listen and now no one gets to define what they are except them. And they have the first baggage-free date of their whole lives. While a love song isn't just referenced, but plays. For THEM.

Like, none of it happens that way in the book because the book isn't specifically a love story and this is. Every beat of their whole narrative is laid out as part of the "epic romance" playbook and the only reason there's any ambiguity at all is we expect kissing. Is there friend-love, or romantic friendship? Sure, there are stories with that. And they're defined by how either in the story or "one day" those pairs will have hetero romances and families.

Crowley and Aziraphale are never going to put anyone else over their relationship that way. They Get Together. They already WERE.

I'd like to emphasize "They already WERE." Because the romance plot of Good Omens is a coming out story, not a falling in love story. The falling in love happens in the back story. The conflict Crowley and Aziraphale face is less "does this person love me?" and more "does this person love me enough to break the rules / societal norms so that we can be together?" with a side of "am I willing to fight the power structures for love?" For me, this is queerest thing about Aziraphale x Crowley in the miniseries.

Because the romance plot of Good Omens is a coming out story, not a falling in love story.   holy shit

And the thing is, it’s not even...really....subtext, either. Aziraphale is explicitly worried that Hell will destroy Crowley if they find out he has a relationship with an angel. Aziraphale is actively hiding his relationship with Crowley from Heaven because he knows it will go badly for him if they’re found out. And he’s right: when Michael discovers he & Crowley have spent time together, she and Uriel and Sandalphon drag him into an alleyway and threaten him over it. He’s lectured about his “boyfriend” — about his relationship with Crowley — which he dodges admitting to in that conversation.

He’s effectively not closeted to humans (humans both read him as gay AND he doesn’t have to hide his relationship with Crowley from them — in fact that relationship needs to largely exist in human spaces), but his Heaven-facing closet is so deep it practically goes to Narnia. And! The thing is! This deepens a lot of the themes about choices and free will and what side you’re own throughout the story. It feeds into being on their own side, on choosing humanity and the world over their own kind. Their coming out is about their relationship with each other, but also about their relationship with humanity, and Aziraphale’s fall to human, and Crowley’s rise to human, the side and family and life they’ve chosen to live freely.

When Gaiman says that their emotional intimacy is driving the story in the TV series, that’s what I think he means: that whole coming-out arc, the way they learn to choose each other (and humanity), to stop hiding their relationship, to end up where they end up on purpose — with and for each other.

Because the romance plot of Good Omens is a coming out story, not a falling in love story. 

—@enough-of-a-bastard

We all know that the most accepted interpretation is that Crowley fell for Aziraphale at the Garden of Eden, and that Aziraphale fell for Crowley at the Blitz in 1941. there’s something so fascinating that a demon, a creature meant to cause trouble and mayhem, fell for an angel in the (comparatively) most peaceful era on planet Earth. storms didn’t even happen at that point.

While Aziraphale, an angel, bringer of goodness and justice, finally found true love at what is considered the darkest point in humanity’s history, in the ruins of an actual church, an important place to his religion. 

They fell in love in each other’s opposite environment. Crowley had to ‘go up there and make some trouble’ just to make it to Eden, trespassing on holy ground. and Aziraphale was surrounded by death and destruction happening at every second during the Blitz, standing in the ruins of “God’s house”. 

Something about ‘not knowing anything’ yet ‘being certain that everything will be better if you were near that one particular person’?

If They Only Knew

If they only knew

How to keep you safe like I kept you

How to speak the words they never used

I wish they only knew

There were three truths that Aziraphale had been taught about demons. Of course, there were far more than three, but seeing as Heaven strived to be concise while maintaining its penchant for symbolism, the list had been broken down into three main concerns.

1.     Demons will do all that they can to spread evil. Demons will destroy all that is good.

2.     Demons do not trust one another. Therefore, you cannot trust a demon.

3.     Demons cannot love.

There was not a pamphlet that had been distributed to the Heavenly Host. These were truths that had been conveyed through countless conversations, side-eyes, implications, subtle jabs, and consistent proclamations of specially selected scripture.

There were truths about angels too. There were truths about angels, but there were also truths about Aziraphale.

There seemed to be an ever-present divide between Aziraphale and the rest of the angels. Where the rest of the Heavenly Host had the ability to carry out their duties based upon adherence to logic and reasoning, Aziraphale was aware that he often allowed his emotions to overtake his better judgement. The angels had made that clear to him. On occasions in which Aziraphale would hazard questions and concerns in Heaven, soaked to the bone with frigid flood waters, ears ringing with cries from The Crucifixion, the angels had been able to carry on, driven by purpose and written resolve. They had assured him. They had known what was best.

In mending his mind, he would use a scrap of his heart, trying not to focus on the ache it left behind.

Aziraphale learned to rely on logic, to fall back on these truths when he felt his heart rush forward. When he felt questions, griefs, desires well up inside of himself, all he could do was step back and address them objectively, lest he do something rash.

For there were truths about angels, and truths about Aziraphale. And if Aziraphale no longer fit these gospels, then what made him any more different than a demon?

There was one problem. Aziraphale had used these pillars of logic to try and hold himself together, using the knowledge of his superiors to remind himself of his place. Of Crowley’s place.

But these angels had never felt hope at seeing a demon in a jail cell. They had never sat close enough to his raucous laughter to notice that he had crow’s feet by golden eyes. They had never heard a broken voice, shaking with something other than the cold, asking over and over for the safety of children.

And as often as Aziraphale reminded himself that Crowley was a demon, there was the growing feeling that he was also a friend. But friendship was a dangerous thing. So Aziraphale did what he could – he reasoned. He built his companionship with Crowley upon the pillars of these truths, and when he felt the all too familiar desire to grow ever closer, he would rip stitching from his heart to sew his mind together again. The fractured pillars were sealed with cement.

But tonight. Tonight, there had been a bombshell. Metaphorically, there had been two.

“These are just a bunch of half-witted Nazis.”

Number 1.

“It’d take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it.”

Number 2.

“Little demonic miracle of my own.”

Number 3.

“Lift home?”

The pillars collapsed. The last threads of Aziraphale’s heart were torn away. But rather than bleeding out, it was as if a barrier had been removed. These threads had not been sutures, but rather tethers and bindings. After so many years, this fragile thing was finally released.

And love crept forward tentatively.

Started reading Lord Jim because of its prominence in the Good Omens season two posters. Little did I expect the first line of dialogue:

you mean

gif by @crowleyanthonys

(WHAT IS UP, NEIL GAIMAN? IS IT A BIG FUCKING STORM? IS SOMEONE'S METTLE GOING TO BE TESTED AND FOUND WANTING? ARE THEY GOING TO TRY FOR REDEMPTION? I'M ONLY IN CHAPTER FUCKING THREE)

Oh I see

Crowley would definitely own this shirt

Oh. Oh. Just a thing.

I love how Heaven and Hell know that Crowley (not really Crowley, but they don’t know that) would run after Aziraphale in the last episode, when they kidnapped him for their “revenge”.

 Hell was waiting for him to do that, they let “Crowley” saw his “best friend” (’boyfriend’/partner/husband) get kidnapped. That’s part of his own punishment.

Somehow, Hell must have found out about stuff like that bit in the church back in 1941 and realized that Crowley has what they would consider a compulsion to come to Aziraphale’s rescue. 

This way, the last time Crowley would ever see Aziraphale would be when his angel was being dragged away to certain death. The fact that they let Crowley have a moment to try to save Aziraphale only adds to the cruelty of this. 

They were making sure Crowley knew that he had failed to protect him, just as he had failed Hell. Strengthening the idea that he deserved whatever additional punishment Hell had in store for him. 

They didn’t just want to punish Crowley. Hell wanted Crowley to want to be punished.

Hey, here’s a headcanon! I’ve seen discussions on Crowley intentionally choosing to have black wings, which is valid, but have we considered that maybe the whole “white wings for angels/black wings for demons” thing is required by Heaven and Hell? Maybe all angels and demons can change their wing color, but they’re not allowed to because it’s part of the “uniform”, so to speak, and they would get in big trouble with their respective HR departments if they showed up in any other color?

Just imagine Crowley and Aziraphale whenever they’re off the clock being like “Finally!” and throwing on a different color/pattern like one throws on a comfortable pair of sweatpants. Imagine them wistfully researching/googling various species of birds while they’re still employed, and then getting so excited after the Apocalypse when they can FINALLY express themselves out in the open, free of the constraints of conformity, and make all their ex-coworkers jealous. 😇😎

Imagine Gabriel’s appalled face when he runs into them and sees Aziraphale walking around completely unashamed with his extremely colorful non-regulation wings. And Aziraphale looks him dead in the eye, snaps his fingers and makes his wings pitch black, just to watch his former boss almost have an aneurysm.

To the world🥂

The full version 😉

Movable brooches "Aziraphale" and "Crowley" inspired by opening titles of GoodOmens show.

Materials: cooper, brass, german silver, feathers, patina.

P.s. Thanks quarantine for time, which I spent to this work 😅

Food Omens masterlist

A marshmallow and a chocolate snake meet on the Apple of Eden…

This is a silly photocomic with candies in the role of Good Omens characters. 9/10 dentists recommend to brush your teeth after viewing this.

(It seems that if I edit the post with a link to the next part, it doesn’t show in the previous reblogs, so in the future parts I will link to this post.)

Here are the links to the individual episodes of Food Omens:

Episode 1: In the Beginning

Episode 2: The Book

Episode 3: Hard Times

Episode 4: Saturday Morning Funtime: part 1 - part 2

Episode 5: The Doomsday Option

Episode 6: The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives: part 1 - part 2    

Or on AO3

It’s complete!

Crowley: *does that thing where he puts his hand behind the passenger seat so he can look back to pull out of the parking lot*

Aziraphale: lord forgive me for how I am about to sin

@femmeaziraphale​ i had to draw it……….

This should be a fic. Is it? Can anyone tell me if it is??

@to-saunter-or-not​ it is, i wrote it! it’s in the notes of this post and o ao3 here

and i made a podfic of that fic! there’s a whole chain of things going on here

This fandom is SO MAD. People be like: I made a text post! I made it into fanart! I made it into fic! I MADE IT INTO PODFIC. I CREATED A VIRTUAL REALITY HOLODECK OF THE SCENE

Soft to My Edges

A little something for all you lovelies that made me smile today. 

Warning: Does contain mention of fat shaming.  But, it’s soft I promise.

Read it on AO3

Crowley shook out his jacket and hat before hanging them on the coat rack by the door, allowing said door to close noisily behind him.

“Aziraphale!”

There was a faint call from the back of the bookshop.

“If I were my husband,” Crowley kicked off his boots and continued to call as he made his way through the maze of books and collected treasures, “where would I be?”

“Back here, I said!” Aziraphale had gone for waspish, but had laughed on last word.

Crowley found him on one end of the sofa, tartan blanket over his lap and cup of cocoa held in both hands. There was a large leather-bound book beside him with a bookmark placed gingerly somewhere about the middle.

“Done for the day, then?” Crowley stood over him, hands on his hips, “it’s barely noon.”

“Barely close enough to closing. Too many customers today. Three! I had three try to buy my books!”

“You don’t say?” He watched as Aziraphale took a deep sip of his drink and then set it aside.

“That’s three too many.”

“But what if there’s one more needy customer?”

“Oh, no! Was someone waiting at the door? You didn’t let them in. I put up the closed sign!” Aziraphale was working himself up to a real lather and he started sputtering when Crowley climbed into his lap, sitting back with his knees on either side of the angel’s thighs. “There’s no customer at the door is there?”

“No,” Crowley’s smirk tried to stay put, really it did, but it gave way to a soft smile against it’s will, “but there’s one in your backroom. That’s where the good stuff is right? Wouldn’t want him to make off with something important!”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“You like it.” Crowley leaned closer, pressing himself against Aziraphale, curling to nuzzle his face into his neck. He felt the moment Aziraphale went stiff and pulled away. Panic zinged through his chest and he jerked back. “Or maybe not? You okay?”

“Fine.”

“Do you want me to go? Some time to yourself? I could go-”

“No! No, I don’t want you to go, dearest. Please.” Hands stroked up Crowley’s sides to prove the words.

“Then…”

“It’s just… I wonder…” Aziraphale trailed off, looking away.

“Suspense is gonna kill me, here. What could you wonder that would offend me, hmm?” Crowley slipped a finger under Aziraphale’s chin and lifted his face as he slipped his glasses off and set them on top of the book beside them. “I fell for wondering.”

“It’s just… I’m soft.”

“True.” Crowley stroked a finger along his cheek, enjoying the soft give there.

“Well, about the middle. And, really, everywhere else.”

“Also true.” Crowley was trying to focus. He was trying really hard, but he’d been thinking about nuzzling kisses into Aziraphale’s neck the whole way over and, well, he’d never been the best at focusing on other things once he was fixated. Aziraphale huffed, clearly frustrated that he was going to have to spell this out.

“Do you mind?”

“Mind what?”

“Crowley, really!” That did come out snippy and Crowley sat back further.

“Do I mind if you’re soft?”

“Yes!”

“About the middle?” Crowley trailed on hand down the middle of Aziraphale’s chest and rested it gently on the swell of his middle.

“Yes.” His voice was hushed and maybe a bit sad.

“'course I don’t mind.” Crowley’s thumb had taken up stroking the top of his belly of it’s own accord.

“Really?”

“Nuh,” Crowley tried to collect his thoughts- flighty buggers, always abandoning him when he needed them- and cleared his throat, “It’s just… it’s all you. Why would I mind?”

“Well, I did close kind of abruptly today.”

“Uh huh.”

“And there was one customer still shopping.”

“Uh oh.”

“So, I asked him if he’d kindly leave.”

“And?”

“He…” Aziraphale dithered a moment, his hands clenching and unclenching at Crowley’s hips (which did nothing to help Crowley gather his wildly scrambling thoughts), “he muttered something about me as he left.”

“Do you want me to find him?”

“What? No!”

“I could. I could find him and make him pay.”

“Crowley, really.” His face had gone all fussy which made Crowley smile and in turn made Aziraphale smile for a moment before it faded.

“What did he say?”

“Well, now I’m afraid to tell you.”

“I won’t hurt him.”

“You won’t go and find him.”

Crowley made a noise.

“Promise me.”

“Depends on what he said.”

“Promise me, please.”

“Fine, Angel. I promise. Tell me?”

“He called me a ‘fat bastard.‘”

“But, you are a fat bastard.” Crowley watched a look of hurt flash through Aziraphale’s eyes and mentally kicked himself, “No. Nuh, no. Look, it’s. The thing is.”

“Gabriel thought so, too…” Aziraphale’s lip had started to wibble and Crowley’s thoughts all gathered back in his brain just in time to start to panic.

“I LIKE IT OKAY?” He gathered Aziraphale’s face in his hands and squeezed gently, meeting his eyes, “I like that you’re a fat bastard.”

“But it’s, it’s not a kind phrase.”

“You’re very soft about the middle, and everywhere. I know because I love to snuggle against you at every opportunity. You know this.”

“Yes.”

“I like that you give around all my sharp edges. I like how you’re warm and comfortable. It makes me feel safe.”

“Oh.”

“And you are a bastard.”

“Hey!”

“Well, it’s true. Shutting the store down abruptly before lunchtime. That’s a bastardly thing to do.”

“But my hours are listed-”

“You keep bastardly hours.”

“Hmmph.”

“I like your bastardly ways. They’re endearing.”

“But-”

“So, sorry. You are a fat bastard. Only, you’re my fat bastard and I love you for it.”

“Oh.”

“Now, can I snuggle my fat bastard husband?”

“Let me think about it.”

“Okay, you think about it,” Crowley made to get out of his lap, “I’m gonna go have a word with Gabriel.”

“Don’t you dare!” Aziraphale tried to pull him back, but Crowley pulled away with equal force.

“No promises for Gabriel’s safety!” Crowley tugged, “I’m going to teach him to mess with my fat bastard husband.”

“Please! Be reasonable!” Aziraphale tugged once more with more force and Crowley abruptly let up, collapsing back against him.

“Much better,” Crowley nuzzled his nose under Aziraphale’s chin and kissed him there.

“You’re a bastard, too, you know.” Again, he went for stern but it came out a little breathy.

“You like it.”

“I do.”

“Must be made for one another. That poor customer will have to find himself another angel to-” he never did get to finish his comment as Aziraphale gave him a better use for both their tongues.

The Guardian of the Eastern Gate (and his partner in crime)