perFECTION

homophobes are always like “stop erasing platonic love!” when someone ships best friends but like whomst is your partner if not your best friend that you also kiss

Proof positive: my college roommate is my actual goddamn soulmate and I would have married the shit out of her if we were at all interested in ladies (alas, also proof that I am apparently super fucking straight) BUT NOW I have a male partner who is quite similar in absurdity levels as she and he is the closest male approximation I will get (no one can ever compare let’s be honest with ourselves) and alsoalso he is my best friend with KISSES and SEX on the side

What the FUCK is the point of a romantic relationship if your partner’s dumb shit doesn’t make your entire goddamn soul shine

What the FUCK is the point of platonic love if your friend’s dumb shit doesn’t make THE MARROW OF YOUR BONES SING

Thanks I hatelove you all

$80 for five days a week is a gross of $134,000. You beg your ass I’m gonna be in that cemetery cleaning every goddamn thing. Fuck a ghost when I got the demon of student loan debt chasing my ass.

i’m there with my fuckin’ ouija board asking them how they like their grass cut

Strapping on a diaper and popping a Xanax every night before work tbqh

https://www.facebook.com/welcometomymemepage/ dont forget 

My friends, the full set has been revealed to us!

I love you Archbishop Frank.

The continuity of these is what sells it to me every time

Why is there always a member of the clergy

The biomes are now catholic

15 year old Coco Gauff defeats Venus Williams to advance to the second round at Wimbledon

Honestly I’m surprised Venus didn’t like give her a benediction and just ascend into heaven like “My time with you has ended, serve tennis well, young one.”

fucka you

basard

Why are humans like this and why am I laughing so hard

From The “Boys Can Be Princesses Too” Project!

This is so wholesome!

So I started the school year with ALL BOYS in both of my classes. I still brought out Let It Go whenever there was a chance of snow because I like that song and if you don’t do SOME little thing for the grownups in the classroom we will all go mad. Anyway, I discovered that one of my boys that joined us halfway through the year LOVED Let It Go. He and I would sing along to the song and act it out together as it played. Even once we started getting girls in the class, he was still the one that was most into it. It made my heart SO WARM that when I mentioned to his mom that he loves Let It Go she chuckled and said, “Yeah, he gets so into it! It’s his favorite!” with zero sense of “but he’s a BOY and they can’t like princesses!”

Also teachers to parents

My gf, a bio major: *talking about science stuff*

Me, a fine arts major who has never taken a bio class, absolutely confused and amazed: I have no idea what you’re talking about and I love you.

Pride & Prejudice (2005), dir. Joe Wright

We don’t talk enough about how part of Jane falling for Bingley is that he thinks Elizabeth is DOPE AS SHIT and openly loves hanging out with her. Cute nice boy has taken Netherfield at last? Great! Cute nice boy who would legitimately be super stoked if Elizabeth ended up being a spinster aunt who lived with them and taught their children to embroider their cushions very ill indeed as long as she kept laying down sick burns? MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

Post-book Mr. Bingley is ALWAYS excited before parties where Elizabeth will be in attendance, because he knows she is going to make some very unexpected jokes and he will be in STITCHES and also in AWE and yay for loving and supporting at least one of your in-laws.

@zombeesknees

#i mean Bingley genuinely LIKES Darcy#they’re a classic combo of golden retriever and aloof dignified cat#so of course golden retriever Bingley is going to meet Elizabeth and go YES GOOD A NEW CAT FRIEND#DARCY COME MEET MY NEW CAT FRIEND#Darcy: HISSS#Elizabeth: HISSS#Bingley: SEE WE’RE FRIENDS

via @pagerunner

Reblogging for the cat comments!😆😆😆 Having had both cats and goldens this is the truest thing I’ve ever read!

Cranky cat people for the win

I’m home sick and throwing up so like send me pics of your fat animals lol I want to see some Absolute Units™️

Here mah chonky girl

Her name is Noodles

Look at that belly AFJKTDSE

It is SUCH A GOOD BELLY

Also she give me kisses

I’m home sick and throwing up so like send me pics of your fat animals lol I want to see some Absolute Units™️

Here mah chonky girl

Her name is Noodles

This dude asked me out on a date and wanted us to vape and have Hawaiian pizza (his fave). Tbh I don’t know if I should block him because he vapes or because he eats pineapple on his pizza

Once a guy sent me a picture of spaghetti poked through hot dog slices before and after he cooked them and I never texted him again

Uhhhh…

@mostlycatsmostly

This just reminds me of that book “All Cats Have Aspergers Syndrome.”

watch your gross fucking hands I don’t care what genitalia you have

Me, screaming at every child that’s every been under my care as they leave the bathroom: HANDS!! HANDS!!!!