surprisingly

Willoughby: Please, Ms. Dashwood, just let me explain! Maybe then you'll hate me a little less. You see, when I first met your sister, she fed my vanity, and so I kept paying attention to her for my sake and didn't care about her own feelings at all.

Me:... In what universe is this little speech meant to help you?

Willoughby:... and I never had a lot of money, but that didn't stop me from behaving like I did and surrounding myself with rich friends I could take advantage of. I knew I had to marry someone with money to support the lifestyle I wanted, and I also knew that your sister was far too poor to provide that kind of money for me.

Me: Seriously, why are you still talking?

Willoughby:... Then I realized I actually cared about your sister! And I was going to tell her, but then my one rich relative, who I'm supposed to inherit from, found out I seduced, impregnated, and abandoned a young woman. She threatened to take me out of her will unless I married the woman, but I couldn't possibly do that! And since that meant I would be denied my inheritance, I would have to marry someone rich because I like expensive things. So, I broke up with your sister and prayed I would never have to see her again.

Me: I would love nothing more than to jump into this book and strangle you.

Willoughby:... I remember the day I left your sister. I saw her heart break, and I hated myself for it! I was tortured!

Me: You deserve to be tortured.

Willoughby:... When I found out you were both in town and that she still cared about me, I realized I still cared about her, but by then, I was engaged. So, I decided to avoid you, but I also followed you around the city quite a bit, and I'm so lucky neither of you ever noticed me watching!

Me:.... I have no response to this....

Willoughby:... How miserable I was during that time! In love with your sister but engaged to another! And when we met at the party, your sister, so beautiful, wanting an explanation and my fiance jealous. What agony I was in!

Me: You did this to yourself!

Willoughby:... Your sister wrote me a letter. Remember? Well, my fiance saw it and was suspicious, so she told me what to write as a reply. I hated to do that to your sister but I was already engaged and I needed her money! Don't feel bad for her, though. She knew I didn't love her when we married. So, Ms. Dashwood, have I made you hate me a little less? Do you see that I actually did love your sister and suffer for all the pain I caused her?

Elinor: Yes, you've redeemed yourself a tiny bit.

Me: Elinor, you are a better woman than I.

Willoughby: Well, it's time for me to go and continue my miserable life. I will never be happy in my marriage, but it's nice to know you wish me well. Marianne is completely lost to me, isn't she? Even if I were to ever become free of my marriage-

Me: Are you serious right now?!

Willoughby: Alright then, I will return to my own life and continue in dreadful suspension, waiting for the day that Marianne marries another. Goodbye.

Me: Again, you did this to yourself.

california girls we’re inconsolable

dreams of doom the visions wont stop

Carrizo Plain, CA by Marlin Harms

Fitzwilliam Darcy 🤝 Caroline Bingley 🤝 Elizabeth Bennet 🤝 Jane Bennet 🤝 Mr. Bennet 🤝 Lady Catherine 🤝 Charles Bingley 🤝 Mrs. Bennet

Being completely flabbergasted that Fitzwilliam Darcy loves Elizabeth Bennet

Meanwhile, Charlotte:

i’ll say it til the cows come home but as undeniably strange as the star wars prequels are, george lucas’ direction with anakin was downright fucking inspired. people were waiting for whatever badass backstory lucas was sure to give them, awaiting a naturally intimidating actor with rogueish charm to be cast, waiting for this masterpiece of badass villainy or whatever, and george lucas is like no, no, i’ve got you. and then he finds the one man on the planet who looked babier than baby mark hamill and says, “his main personality trait will be being weird and awkward, secondary personality trait loving his wife, tertiary personality trait being incredibly good at murder, and all of these traits will do battle on the silver screen for three movies until they all win in possibly the worst way.” that fucking rules. george lucas could’ve done anything with darth vader and he willingly, enthusiastically chose mentally unstable college student who is somehow married but his only friend is his kind-of dad. that fucking rules, top down, that’s fucking exquisite. if you don’t think that premise is inherently entertaining you’ve got no taste

george lucas really said there’s no such thing as cool fascists there’s only scared, pathetic, angry little men and honestly that was INSPIRED.

Random Animal Generator - Perchance

I understand why he didn't, but I really wish Colonel Brandon had challenged Willoughby to a duel and just shot him.

They did duel but they both returned "unwounded, and the meeting, therefore, never got abroad." It's super subtle in the book.

Which path should he choose?

The path of the warrior, the path of the scholar, or the path of the artist?

he should wander away and have a picnic while he thinks about what path to choose

Great idea! But where should he have the picnic?

Under the tree, or under the old fort?

By the sea, so he can enjoy the sound of the waves

A lovely choice!

Should he build a sandcastle to pass the time? Or perhaps go fishing?

Perhaps he could collect shells he finds interesting

Sounds fun!

Which shell should he pick up?

This one

That's not a shell, it's a tiny earpiece.

Should he listen to music? Or to the mysterious pre-recorded message?

He should give it back to the crab in the largest shell, they thought they had lost their wave-pod and are grateful he found it!

The crab wants to give a gift in return.

Should he accept the gift of power, or the gift of knowledge?

the gift of friendship :)

Friendship acquired!

Should they celebrate with pizza or ice cream?

The crab friend cannot eat either of those! Let's split a nice seaweed salad instead. :)

So many options!

Should they get tossed salad, wiggly salad, or spiky salad?

Seasar salad

Nothing beats getting it straight from the source

Should they use scissors or claws to cut the seaweed?

What about that sword in the first panel?

The circle is complete.

Through choices, friendship, and salad, he found his way to the path of the warrior. But he won't walk it alone.

Their path is just beginning, but this story is over.

Thank you to everyone who participated!

This a Moonmelon, scientifically knows as asidus. This fruit grows in some parts of Japan, and is known for its vibrant blue color. What you probably don’t know about this fruit is that it can switch flavors after you eat it. Everything sour will taste sweet, everything salty will taste bitter, and it gives water a strong orange-like taste. It’s also very expensive…costing about ￥16000 JPY (which is about 200 dollars).

or you know this could be photoshopped

but idk

you tell me

this is alexandrias melon (wow)

it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic)

it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds

it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy.

its really strange how all of these pictures look exactly the same because everything on the internet is true

This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus.

The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers.

It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza.

This planet is really just so amazing guys wow.

Patrickmelon

The taste of this melon will always surprise you.

I’m fucking done with this site

This is the evermelon.

If you cut this watermelon a certain way you will find that it has seemingly regenerated. You can do this an infinite number of times and will have a neverending supply of melon.

OH GOD I haven’t seen this post in YEARS and THAT is the fucking additon to it!?

ALRIGHT THATS IT ITS TIME TO STOP

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenmelon and I’m ebony black  (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips, and a lot of people tell me I look like watermelons (AN: if u don’t know what dat is get da hell out of here!).

Nothing will ever be better than the last one

HASHBFJGJDHRJFKFKRJ

That last one took me out at the god damn kneecaps-

Someone wrote a really interesting article about why people believe these sorts of things so easily.

weatherboy (derogatory)

op what does this mean

wouldn't you like to know weatherboy

I don't know why I fell for you, it was probably my iron deficiency.

what a shame doctors don’t prescribe vacation to secluded seaside towns like they used to

how can you tell

Anyone: Hey (asks about a special interest of mine)? Me: Becomes an unskippable cutscene

when people are like “the hunger games just stole the plot of battle royale” like listen everything steals from the plot of everything the lion king is just furry hamlet westworld is jurassic park but sexier lost is edgy gilligan’s island there are no original stories and the only good piece of media is jennifer’s body

Michael crichton wrote westworld and jurassic park tho so he just pirated himself

michael crichton keeps TRYING to tell y’all about the evils of capitalism impeding on the progress of science when will y’all LISTEN

Maybe he just doesn’t like theme parks

michael crichton in line for a roller coaster at six flags: fuck this

Jesus Christ, that’s the height at which every rollercoaster and dark ride is a decapitation threat

how am I ever supposed to leave tumblr when it takes me on journeys like this