Anonymous asked:
hey op, why the fUCK do you have so much free time
I made 52k last month, what's your excuse fucker
How? I lied
I bet you work at the anti-soup kitchen, which steals soups from the poor.
A pleasant surprise.
When he goes back into the dirt
i can’t believe this little shit has a completely armored back and then sleeps belly up just to dare predators to fuck with it
Y’ALL. We have one of those cling film covers in our bathroom window for privacy and in the afternoon when the sun hits it just right, it makes rainbows, right? And today my wife sends me the best pic she’s ever taken:
the goodest dog in all the land
Mandela effect isn't real all the CEOs of companies were just at a party together going "hey y'all know what would be funny to fuck with people? Just take all our logos and cha cha real smooth and never talk about it"
Imagine if you locked Light and Patrick Bateman in a room together. They would be having the most generic conversation but you wouldn’t be able to hear it over the sound of their overlapping internal monologues. There would be a few seconds where their monologues both play in sync to say something misogynistic.
i’m just like sisyphus except instead of rolling a boulder uphill i have to wash my hair
every time my bf says “for the time being” i respond with “for the time bean” and then we say “all hail the time bean” and carry on the conversation like nothing happened
this fucking paper is gonna kill me
Listen all u internet goers……. I know everyone has some wild catfish stories and I need to know them
okay so for legal reasons this is all a very funny joke and none of it is real I promise
basically there’s a property listing floating out there somewhere online that lists my phone number as a contact for the owner of a house in a suburb of [redacted], ohio, even though that is a town I have never lived in. about two years ago, I started getting calls and texts from people who were asking if I was interested in selling the property. when I told them no and they had the wrong number, the amount of calls increased, and I had to block their numbers.
since then, once about every 3 months I get a call or text from people wanting to buy this house in ohio as they think I’m the owner. I got fed up at one point and just started replying “yeah I might be interested in selling, but the property I have is haunted. like super haunted. lots of ghosts everywhere, so you’ll have to get rid of those before putting it on the market.” to my delight, they stopped replying after that, so I now do that when I get these messages.
the last time it happened was actually just a few weeks ago, and the guy texting me on behalf of this house flipping operation actually offered to pay for an exorcism. I replied by telling him I was pretty sure the ghosts were protestant, so if he brought a priest in it had better not be catholic. he has yet to reply.
centrifade
You are having literally the funniest possible reaction to an infuriating scam
listen the only way to beat a scam like that is to give them a reaction that is just way more bizarre than whatever they started with. crank the bonkers energy up to an 11 and they’ll leave you alone
caramel frappe give me the strength to clean my room
caramel frappe PLEASE
#this art is so evocative. it feels like a goya painting
thank you so much this is the highest compliment
Reblog to give your followers each their own sword.
Upgrades people upgrades
The Roomba has equipped a sword now, protect your ankles people!
Ehehehehe
Oh god yes that's the good stuff
i need to put all three of these pictures in a single post. this is significant. this matters. this is why i exist
kamuiforest
Local horny idiot tries to nest in my nightstand drawer
Op
Was the bird calling itself a pretty bird
He mimics what I tell him :)
