If y'all could read this fic in my brain you would be so impressed.

I have three modes of reading

for someone who loves sleep, i do not sleep enough at all

If/when you have children please let them (as soon as they're able) pick the theme of their birthday parties.

The girl who used to do my hair let her toddler pick the theme of her 3rd birthday and she chose Target. Like, the store. So everything was red and white and covered in bullseyes and I'm just so full of joy looking at the pictures on Facebook right now because it is obvious that this little girl is having the time of her life and that her parents put so much love and creativity into making the decorations and cupcakes.

Children will come up with some of the best and most fascinating ideas if you let them.

A former coworker told me her daughter chose a retirement themed 6th birthday party, so they had a whole bunch of decorations that said "happy retirement" etc. and I was like Jess your daughter is an absolute icon

This child is BRILLIANT. I love this so much.

My brother got asked what theme he wanted for his 4th birthday (the same year I had my 9th) he said he wanted an Easter party like mine (mini-eggs, easter-eggs, painted eggs, egg-based crafts all round, with rabbits and chickens everywhere) the only issue? My birthday is in late-March, his is in August, do you know how hard it is to find easter eggs in August???

Don’t forget Him

baby: *incomprehensible babbling*

me: WHAT!? really??? no way :0

being gay is......hm. its like.....well. you all know

flat stomachs really need to stop being a thing people expect from others like…….what the fuck do you mean i need a flat stomach when i have 7 meters of intestine in me

Terrifying thought but I absolutely agree

Twitter hits too close to home

gay wrath has ended whats next guys

Gay Sloth, go take a nap, gays!

HELL YEAH IM GOIN TO BED SEE YALL LATER

not being in the phandom anymore

and yet I feel heavily nostalgic right now

here I am again, caring

do people really escape any fandom

fucking christ I am sobbing

“If the men find out we can shapeshift, they’re going to tell the church!“

i didnt learn anything about contouring but that’s okay

Do yourself a favour and watch this. I am sobbing with laughter at one a clock in the morning, i literally had to stop the video because I couldn’t see through my tears of mirth.

PRESS PLAY. 

IF YOU DO NOT WATCH THIS

YOU ARE MISSING OUT

i still have no idea how to fuckin contour but there are much more important things for this person to teach you

best sleeping conditions: freezing fucking cold room but layers and layers of blankets 

worst waking up conditions: freezing fucking cold room but layers and layers of blankets

lms if ur looking forward to a soft gay domestic life w the girl of your dreams

wheres the love of my life wtf!!! i got things i want to do with them tf

“is this what straight white men feel in theaters like, all the time??” now a quadrilogy

I literally asked someone this same question earlier!!!

Happy Pride Month!!

Look at her phone omg

The shoes tho

i loved the 90s

cadet kelly premiered in 2002

everyone knows the 90s didn’t end until about 2004