In a nutshell.
I fell in love. For the first time in a long time, I wholeheartedly and openly allowed myself to let down my walls and care about another human being more so than I did about myself. For me, it’s the classic case of right person, wrong time. Needless to say, we did not work out. I did not know my soul was only partially complete until I fell in love with this person. My heart skipped a beat but my soul was calm and soothed every time we were together. When we were apart, I looked forward to the next time we were together. Everything I did, I just wanted this person to be happy. If it was a bad day, I always focused on the better part of the day. “What was the best part of your day?” - a question I found myself asking everyday. As many good days we had, they weren’t always so. Obstacles after obstacles were thrown, left and right. While some obstacles and flaws were in plain view, I decided to ignore them and hoped that love would prevail all. In the end of it all, I found myself trekking this path alone. I was led to believe that we were in it together but feelings and actions subsided while mine were still passionate as ever.
As much as we are similar, we were heading down a different path. Maybe it was the age difference or the different place we are in our lives. I am holding onto every ounce of hope I have left. Not hope that we will end up together but hope in myself on future relationships. For the first time ever, my heart felt fulfilled. Despite the trust issues, the lies, the pain, there were plenty of good. In the meantime, I am holding off on all relationships or dating because now that I know the wonders my heart is capable of, I will hold out for the right person. I kind of want to say the person who is MORE right for me because who is to say that this past experience was the wrong one.
As this year ends and a new one begins, I will remind myself that I need to start putting myself first again. Strive to be better, set more goals for myself. Where I am not is good but I must do better. Do more to prove to myself that I love me more than anything.
Life update. We worked out and now we are engaged lmao.
