REDUCE YOUR EXPECTATIONS TO ZERO

the hardest lines ALWAYS come from fanfics and I stand by this

(credit to the authors!! I can't remember where exactly they all came from but if u recognise their work pls tag them :) they deserve way more recognition!!)

Alright, fine, I'm assuming tumblr internally blazed this post or something, considering I got OVER 7K NOTES (out of its total of 11k) ON IT OVER THE LAST WEEK WHEN IT'S NOT EVEN MY POST

So watch me put some effort into tracking down every quote and see tumblr lose interest uwu

OP also mentioned the following fics in the notes but I didn't find the quotes inside: never saw you coming by dimpleforyourthoughts Just Static by Jessadilla

There. Now y'all have a valid reason to reblog this aksjghajk

AND GO SHOW THE AUTHORS SOME LOVE it's bad enough that people just drop quotes without any credit whatsoever, the authors deserve to know they're being appreciated!!!!!

part 1

Can anyone with an amazing talent PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE edit this into the trans flag!!

@hineasperb

finally found the time to cobble this together! :D

NICE

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! ITS PERFECT

Please read this before you send me ideas or links to fanfic of any of my stuff. Please.

i'm helping out at a creative writing workshop for uhhh i think 10-12s? 10-14s? idk. but that age range. and anyways

a) i forgot how fun this is

b) it's really hard not to like, re-write for them and stick to just "hey add descriptions here, change this grammar, really cool ideas!" bc i'm an adult and not trying to talk over/railroad these kids, but i'm just so excited for their ideas!!!

c) little boys write cool stuff like "what if we went to mars but it sucked so we left, but left behind all our technology and the technology rose up and created its own society and then went to war with us for abandoning them? what if transformers had 100x the war crimes? what if the earth blew up. what if we were the robots all along?"

d) little girls out here writing like "aunt melanie's skin was sloughing off the bones as her beloved dogs tore her apart, turning on her in blind animal instinct. the second she stopped providing food, she became food." and a lot of body horror and dark themes about group pacts and betrayals and ritualistic murder/sacrifices. like a lot

me, turning to the teacher who is also doing this: hey so, i'm personally really cool with the tone and direction these girls take, but is any of this? how you say... a red flag?

teacher: little girls have really rich inner lives to combat the way they're puppeted by society in real life. they'll learn to censor it out in a couple years, but it doesn't go away.

me, who was also a weird little girl who phased in and out of weirdness depending on social settings: nice.

i think it’s fun that a fair amount of menstrual product packaging has hashtag feminist hashtag inspirational messages printed on it but i think they should have fortunes. like cookies. you open up a pad and the paper stickerback thing inside says “a chance encounter will turn into a valuable business opportunity” do you see my vision

Phineas and Ferb episode idea: After Candace shows her photos of all of her brothers’ creations, Linda thinks that her daughter is a talented graphic artist and signs her up for a competition. Candace is frustrated and about to tell her mom the truth but then Jeremy shows up and he’s like “Wow, Candace, I didn’t know you were a graphic designer. That’s so cool. Btw, my little sister is also gonna be at the graphic design competition.”

Long story short, Candace asks her brothers to help her become a graphic artist for real so she could beat Suzie.

Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz has gotten tired of designing -Inators so he designed the Comes-Up-With-Inators-Inator to design them for him. The Inator’s creation are a hit among other Evil Scientists who buy them in droves. Doofenshmirtz is then signed by Vanessa to an Evil Contracption Designing competition (held in the same building at the same time as the graphic design competition, of course).

Desperate, he asks Perry the Platypus to help him get his mojo back so he could design -Inators again.

Cue musical montage of Doof and Candace training to learn/relearn their respective art form.

It’s the competition(s). Candace is a nervous wreck, but Jeremy believes in her. Doof is all self-assured and ego-boosted by everyone thinking he’ll win, but then he sees his Comes-Up-With-Inators-Inator (who looks like a robotic him) also signed up for the competition.

While getting ready for the competition, Perry is accidentally almost spotted by Phineas and Ferb. He sneaks behind the curtain to the behind the scenes. That’s when he discovers that the goal of the competition is to design a doomsday weapon. Nervous, he swaps the cards with those of the graphic design competition.

The competition begins. The graphic artists are assigned to design a doomsday weapon while the Evil Scientists are assigned to design a cool band poster.

The scientists are baffled, but they do their best. The Comes-Up-With-Inators-Inator is stuck because it’s physically incapable of drawing anything but Inators.

Meanwhile in the graphic design competition Candace does her best but her brain goes blank. Suzie meanwhile is trying to sabotage her by switching her card back with the card from the other tournament. Unfortunately it’s the card of the Comes-Up-With-Inators-Inator, who now goes to task designing a Doomsday weapon.

The competition is finished. Candace’s work is mediocre, but she wins by technicality for being the only one who drew the correct thing.

Meanwhile at the Evil Scientists competition, the scientists all drew terrible posters except Doof whose poster is beautiful. He’s about to be declared the winner but then the Comes-Up-With-Inators-Inator reveals what it’s been working on, a doomsday machine. Everyone panics, and Perry the Platypus tries to stop the machine, but fails. Then the machine ticks down to 0, and nothing happens.

Turns out the Comes-Up-With-Inators-Inator is terrible at coming up with machines. All of its Inators don’t work. Which unfortunately for Doof results in all of his previously happy customers showing up to complain because their Inators didn’t work either. He asks Perry to help him again, but Perry is already gone.

“There you are, Perry.” “Curse you, Perry the Platypus!”

Despite winning, Candace feels hollow because she only won by technicality and all of the other designers were much better than her. She feels like a fraud. But then Jeremy shows up and asks to buy the rights for her poster, because he thinks it’s really cool. Candace is happy.

The End.

Jeremy: I love the exploding moon in the corner

Candace *frowning*: It’s a flower

Ferb’s Line: Maybe you did design a doomsday weapon after all

I used to be obsessed with Phineas and Ferb.

Also I’m a good writer.

sometimes you just gotta listen to music at a volume that you know will be part of the cause of your hearing loss at the age of 28

hey yall. im 25 now and i already have tinnitus <3 dont do this. LOL

oh btw for those saying “i already have tinnitus haha it cant get worse” YEAH IT CAN BITCH! if you want to listen to music loud do it on speakers at least. headphones will Beam Pain Waves Directly Into Your Cochlear Hair Cells and a 10kHz Tone Loud Enough Will Give You Psychic Damage Forever

if i have to fucken, translate it to something you’ll understand? Imagine theres a picture of garfield here saying

YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO HEARING LOSS

i like the typography on this sign, it's like an old internet rant page

Men will cum in anything…..you could throw a plate across the room and a man will fuck it before it lands

Same energy

BTW, just to make sure everyone knows, this isn't just some internet rando commenting on her observations on the internet.

They are an Assistant Professor of Media Industries at New York University and literally just finished writing The Apple II Age: How the Computer Became Personal, a book on the history of the computer industry in the 70s.

This tweet isn't just an observation, it's the result of years of research and study. And it's absolutely true.

Gotta be constantly vigilant for this bad boy

fake minimalistic ATSV poster for a school project

that discord post from march about their ai stuff is going around again and it's annoying me. the new voice recording things are recorded and saved to discord's servers so they can. y'know. be uploaded. and listened to by the people you send them to. just like the images and videos and other files you have been uploading

their ai stuff is just the chat bots and auto mods. you're Fine.

that said tho. still turn off the "share data with discord" thing. but yeah it really is Not that bad

here are the settings to turn off sharing your data btw

the data sharing settings are at the very bottom of the privacy & safety section

Booooooy how people don’t want to look at this.

Arguably, with age, the majority of people do become disabled.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^

“Why should healthy people pay for sick people?” “Because the only things separating healthy people from sick people are time and luck.”

All the previous reblogs with commentary being in 2019 is fucking haunting.

I’m not a member of the WGA. Since I live near LA (and used to work near LA), I do have an acquaintance who is a member of the WGA.

Last week, I drove up to the Fox Studios lot, brought my own sign that said “THIS LIBRARIAN SUPPORTS THE WGA,” and started to walk on the picket line. I knew no one. I did have a friend, who brought her niece, come by later and march with me, but I initially started out by myself.

It was amazing. I talked with some of the writers and made some friends. I had an in-depth conversation with a writer/show-runner about AI and children’s literature.

I went with no agenda outside of my support for the writers. I’m going again tomorrow in support of the writers. I’ll go as many times as I can until the strike is over. It’s too important not to stand in solidarity.

whats that defunct land quote again? every part of the film making process is awful, but not making film is even worse? idk something like that. anywah im being completely normal about art rn ::))

found it

I’m not a member of the WGA. Since I live near LA (and used to work near LA), I do have an acquaintance who is a member of the WGA.

Last week, I drove up to the Fox Studios lot, brought my own sign that said “THIS LIBRARIAN SUPPORTS THE WGA,” and started to walk on the picket line. I knew no one. I did have a friend, who brought her niece, come by later and march with me, but I initially started out by myself.

It was amazing. I talked with some of the writers and made some friends. I had an in-depth conversation with a writer/show-runner about AI and children’s literature.

I went with no agenda outside of my support for the writers. I’m going again tomorrow in support of the writers. I’ll go as many times as I can until the strike is over. It’s too important not to stand in solidarity.

Thanks, tumblr mobile, for unintentionally making this even funnier

Just as I said, “is this ever going to load?” One gif loaded and honestly it answered my question perfectly.

Together they create the full set.

saw this again on my dash after reblog and…

tumblr black out poetry