There is,,, a lobster. On the way

There is a lobster somewhere in the facility but we don’t know where

This is not a joke btw I was supposed to receive and acclimate a lobster today but I waited around in the lobby for an hour before finding out that the Lobster Deliverer went around back and gave the lobster to the aquarist and he went out on a diving trip without telling anyone where he put the lobster. There is literally a lobster here somewhere and we can’t find it. Lobster location unknown.

Update he put it in one of the lobster traps tied to the pier. Which is fine, that’s where it was gonna go anyway until we set up its display, but I would’ve preferred to acclimate it before plopping it into the ocean. But the hooligan has been contained. There will be no surprise lobster attacks today.

Update 2 here is Thee Lobster

DO NOT LET SOCIAL MEDIA TURN YOU INTO AN AMERICAN

As an American: Seriously, please don’t

ok well i don't

"Americanization" is a real phenomenon, and how non-Americans should be cautious of it is taught in different countries at school. It's taught in Greece and people from other countries told me their elementary or middle school teachers (using the American grades, to make it make sense to the majority on the site) talked to them about it.

It's common sense here, except for USians, so I'll analyze it a bit more for the dominant demographic here. In a globalized setting, the most dominant culture affects the others and sets the trends. The way our language works, how we think, our levels of politeness and intimacy, and our levels of respect. (flash news, they are going down 😂)

I don't want to imply that there is nothing good in the US. There are plenty of positives in the country. It's just that for the rest of the cultures online it's a constant daily fight to not forget our roots, with the degree US media and brands have permeated our lives. In Greece at least we watch more US American media than Greek media nowadays, and many of our shows are rip-offs of USian ones, with little adaptation to Greek reality and culture.

And to demonstrate the amount of this exposure, a 22-year-old Greek asked me the other day "if something happens we call 911, right?" This might have literally cost them their life, in a dangerous situation! Because all the movies and songs they consumed (not an unusual thing for the Greek youth) were what they knew. And I found a similar comment in this comment thread.

Lots of Americans in the notes failing to understand this post. It's not about not liking the US. It's not about you feeling ashamed or guilty for being American. It's not about you.

It's about American media drowning out native language media all over the world, and workplaces requiring the English language in your repertoire more and more. It's about proper translations and foreign language dubbing of films disappearing because "everyone speaks/should speak English anyway." All of this is leading to the deterioration of native speaker groups of languages worldwide.

In my country, Dutch language courses can't find enough people who want to study the language, while English language courses are overflowing with people who want to study the language. There is even widespread distaste for the Dutch language for being crude or sounding rough or what have you. That's our native language!!! That is our culture in its purest form!!! That is knowledge we inherit from our parents as they did from theirs!!! That is how we learned fairytales and folk stories and myths!!! That is the language that shapes our communication and our way of thinking!!! To hate your native language is to hate yourself at the deepest level.

And yet it's so normalised. Droves of foreigners living in the Netherlands will never learn a word of Dutch, because "everyone speaks English anyway." We are the world's leaders in non-native understanding of English, but it comes at a cost. A grave cost we will continue to pay.

If you're looking to support your non-American friends in any way that is not performatively shouting "I hate being an American" into the void, first of all, unlearn that hatred of yourself and your culture. You are of no help self-flagellating, and there is a difference between holding your country accountable for its issues, and denying yourself your culture because your country is doing and has done bad things.

(I am not going to get into arguments about whether or not US American culture exists. It does, and if you think differently you are welcome to change your mind.)

Secondly, learn about other countries. Learn a bit of Chinese. Take an interest in the Italian political system. Ask your friends about their countries' folklore. Watch documentaries about art from Nigeria. Absorb information that is not fed to you by American media.

And thirdly, quit expecting your non-American friends to communicate in a way that appeals to you. The French and Dutch will always seem rude to you because our way of communicating is far more direct than the way you communicate. People from other cultures may seem vague to you because their way of communicating is far more indirect, and you're not used to that either. Quit being frustrated when you don't get what we mean exactly. Quit assuming we mean the absolute worst thing you could imagine just because you didn't get what we meant the first time. Ask us to explain if you need us to, and learn to accept that we are different from you.

We are already adapting to your culture 100% of the time we are online. It's your responsibility to adapt to us, too. At least do your friends the courtesy of learning about and adapting to them.

This is a big problem in other English speaking countries. I live in the UK, in England no less, and there was a point in my childhood where my brain would bring up 911 as the emergency number. And on top of having our culture's stomped on we have people making fun of the way we do things and justifying it as "well you deserve it because you're English" like the backwater underfunded poverty stricken areas people mock have ever had any power. There's an Americanisation of food, and culture, an import of social justice issues as the American understanding of things is superimposed over our own history by kids who mean well but have learned all their vocabulary from Americans. We share many things but these issues are not the same and treating them as the same can be detrimental to the change people want to bring. (For example our most diverse prime minister's have all been Conservative, and the last one to bring up God while in office was "left wing" Labour. Even the colours of left and right political parties are different here.) Poverty is experienced differently. Class is experienced differently. Race is experienced differently. Racism is experienced differently.

And half the time if you even talk about it you have god damn 19 year olds hopping up and down screaming like toddlers because you're not doing it right for their needs.

If people are jumping to the idea they should call 911 rather than whatever it is in their country, That's A Problem and people should say so.

--An American

We actually have it set up in Australia so that if you forget it's 000 here and dial 911 instead, it will still connect you to the emergency centre. That's how much of a problem if was.

I've had to put actual effort into making sure my child, who lives in the UK, learns to speak its own language and not what Americans speak. Its mad I had to put limits on American media consumption. I never had to do that with ANY other countries media. Not even the dominance of RP in English media did as much damage as American media did. As if its not hard enough trying to keep regional dialects alive. Theres kids growing up with American accents ffs! (And yes you could criticise the parents and screen time but this aint happening with other accents. I think that's important to recognise)

And I am forever having to remind people what country they live in whenever politics come up. Its not uncommon for people to *only* know American politics and not even realise it. They have just learned thats "the way things are". And the same with law! Trying to tell their own solicitors to do things the "proper" (american) way! Brits walking around talking about their constitutional rights! First amendment! Its fucking ridiculous! People thinking "oh I know my rights" and woops now you're arrested because you can't actually talk to the police like that and your silence can actually be used against you.

I've seen multiple British poc be torn apart online for discussing their lived experiences, and even other British poc back up that harassment because they've been taught to think about things the American way, so the American racists attacking British poc must be right! Trying to discuss any non-american race politics (for the benefit of the fucking opressed) is always inevitably derailed because how dare we not fit the whole worlds experiences into the tiny boxes americans can relate too. Which in turn just destroys people's ability to educate and give people the vocabulary they need, which then deprives people of the understanding and connection they need to process and deal with their oppression.

Thankfully things have changed in the past few years but there was a time it was almost impossible to find (free) educational resources for BSL because well, why learn that when you can learn ASL?

Even when trying to engage with other languages and cultures, its ruined by American culture. My kid abandoned its language studies for years because it just could not deal with the demand of having to not only learn a new language but also learn American to use apps like duolingo. How discouraging for a young child to be told over and over that they are wrong for using the correct, very common but not American word.

And it just permeates everything. I lost my native dialect to classism and fought so hard to get it back. And yet I have to keep diluting it online so I can just talk about things else everything I post will be derailed by americans cooing over the silly little brit using weird words instead of like. Enaging with what I say in a meaningful way. Or I'll get threatened with doxxing by some bratty teenagers because I used a BRITISH colloquialism that coincidentally occurred in an American dialect and they just can't get their heads round the fact america doesn't own everything.

And yeah the 911 thing is a fucking problem. I've encountered near zero little kids these days who will remember 999 first no matter how much the adults around them try to help them.

So I used to work in schools teaching basic First Aid. Whenever I ran a session there would inevitably be one kid who would shout 911 instead of 000. A handful of times a kid would say 999, but that was because they’d just watched Operation Ouch. Kind of understandable since when I first started at that job Bluey didn’t exist yet and most kids shows were American.  I now teach First Aid to adults and the fact that people say “Sometimes you just think 911 because of all the American television we get” absolutely infuriates me on a gutteral level. 

I had a friend from uni who had such a thick American accent I swore she was actually American. Turned out she came from a country town and just watched a lot of American TV. My parents would jump on me the minute I started to use the American word for things when I was a kid and now I will use the Australian word instead of the American word because fuck you, you can learn to understand my dialect now. I am so thankful Bluey exists and that Americans are learning Australian words, because seeing the articles and tweets of parents being upset their kids are talking like Australians make me perversely happy. Americanisation is a thing and it is vile and I fucking hate it.

I also spend a lot of time in (non-tumblr) role-playing spaces. You can just tell when a writer is American and hasn’t sought to learn about other cultures and think about how the culture of their character may affect word choices. When I can see a post/app/whatever that’s supposed to be from a character who would not use the same words refer to their mother as “mom” or use other American terms.... I want to scream. 

Other cultures exist! Americans do not own everything! You don’t have to be the centre of the universe the whole fucking time!

The weird thing is that I find myself nodding in recognition -- as an American. I grew up in Minnesota and the response I often get from both Americans and non is "Fargo!" and a comment on how I don't sound like the movie. The city of Fargo is not in Minnesota and there's only one guy in the whole movie with an accurate accent. (Mr. Mora here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-XEHwUBubk). The comment about preserving accents and dialects in the UK hit me, because you hear the actual Minnesota accent less and less, due to a combo of people moving around and the fact the kids are picking up the generic "newscaster" accent from TV. The US is huge and full of many cultures and we're homogenizing ourselves as well as the world. And it suckis.

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So I uh... finished that drawing from earlier.

Reblogging this again because i love it ok??? 😭 and I'll do it again!

2003: It sounds incredible, but in the future whole webpages full of images and videos will load in the blink of an eye.

2023: It sounds incredible, but text-only news articles used to load in the blink of an eye.

also btw im sorry but we HAVE to acknowledge that marginalized people are gonna be into problematic kinks too. there are trans people who are into misgendering & detrans kink there are gay people into conversion/orientation play there are fat people into feederism there are people of color into raceplay there are disabled people into disabled fetishes there are women into misogyny fetishes! for a variety of reasons! and you have to not care. you have to learn that it does not fucking matter. ignore the little gremlin in your brain that tells you that arguing over the morality of what gets consenting adults off is important or worthwhile & that having a fetish = condoning or believing or acting out any of that kink utside a scene or that it makes your activism invalid & you are a Better Activist for not having that kink. that's the devil talking. also no their partners are not inherently evil for indulging in their kinks either. you don't have to enjoy these things or even want to see or hear about them & your boundaries should be respected, but once you start letting people kinks color your perception of them as a person you've already lost. Destroy That Gremlin

I hate how everything's called devices and apps now. Those are frail words with no weight and show no respect like machine and program do.

Below the poll is a series of animal images labeled A through J. A is the least close to the birds we have today; J is the closest. If you encountered these animals in the wild, which would you call birds? If you pick a higher up option, then that means you consider all the below ones birds as well - so if you pick A, then BCDEFGHIJ are all birds. If you pick J, only J is a bird.

A:

B:

C:

D:

E:

F:

G:

H:

I:

J:

PLEASE REBLOG THIS SO IT CAN LEAVE PALAEOBLR. I NEED PEOPLE WHO DON'T RECOGNIZE THESE ANIMALS ON SIGHT TO VOTE.

I apologize to all of y'all with vision impairments for whom this poll is inaccessible. Alas, this is an experiment, and I cannot name the taxa. Thank you.

All alt text includes artist attribution; I did not make these pictures myself.

ah yes, Galavant, the musical comedy fantasy show with bangers such as

"Local King Realises He Has Zero Useful Skills"

"Gay Bar Anthem About Undressing An Oblivious Straight Guy"

"The Ruling Class Sucks, How About We Poison All Of Them"

"The Most Scathing Critique Of Representative Democracy You Will Ever Come Across"

"Yelling About How You're Going To Very Sneakily Kill Your Brother"

"Pirate Shanty: Run Aground Edition"

"Disney Princess Love Interest Duet Except The Lyrics Are About How You Barely Tolerate Each Other" (twice)

and of course

"A New Season AKA Suck It Cancellation Bear" which is the actual real title of that song and cannot be improved upon through humorous description

also have I mentioned that all of these are composed by actual real Disney composer Alan Menken, of Little Shop of Horrors, Tangled, and basically the entire Disney Renaissance fame, and wow do they sound like it

Neloth, probably

Since, in true Celtic fashion, I’m gonna start saying “it’s too hot” today, here’s the perfect poll…

Reblog & put your answers in the tags because I’m curious and need to know I’m not suffering alone

am i having a stronk?

*strok

*stornk

*stroke

Wait I forgot I could have just edited the post

QUEST-CE QU'Y'ALL DOING AUJOURD'HUI

Tintin remembers what comes after 15.

FUCKING HELL IT’S BACK FROM LAST YEAR

This literally gets reblogged every 15th of the month. It’s almost two years old. It’s beautiful.

listen up ya’ll this post is 6 years old now and you’re still reblogging it. every month. once a month, my notifications blow up for this one video, but only until the 16th. then the notes on this vid completely stop. it’s so eerily spot on and impressive how you just all collectively know what to do. if I’m not online, people irl still remind me that it’s the 15th. thank you for six surreal years of me wondering if I completely fucking lost it. here’s to the 15th

Ten years of celebrating the 15th, everyone

HAPPY 10 YEARS OF THE 15TH, EVERYONE. I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS STILL HAPPENING.

Some people name their child after themselves, and some people say they think of their pets as their children, but rarely do you see a pet owner name their pet after themself. "Hi, I'm Dave, and this is my dog, Dave" -- you just don't see that a lot.

Spinch is literally right here

Georg Janny (1864–1935) 

Night in the summer

Frankly some of you should be hornier over weirder shit. The fear of being too genuine is the enemy of art. Be a bit of a pervert. It's good for the health. Doesn't have to be a sexual thing just own up to being a bit obsessed in some cringe shit it's fine.

Theres a novel by Poul Anderson called The High Crusade, which has an alien spacecraft land in rural England in 1345 during the Hundred Year’s War. The local baron has been raising an army to help King Edward against the French, and immediately assumes this must be some kind of enemy trick.

In a way, he’s correct: the aliens are scouts for a brutal and repressive interstellar empire, which has dominated numerous planets through their devastating technology.

Unfortunately, this reliance on advanced weapons means they’ve completely forgotten all forms of melee combat and Sir Roger of Tourneville leads his militia to defeat the aliens easily.

They spare a single enemy, forcing him to fly the ship at spearpoint. They intend to raid behind enemy lines, capture the king of France to end the war, and then go onward to reclaim the Holy Land using the same tactic.

In an attempt to outwit the knights, the alien pilot actually travels to the nearest Imperial planet, where he expects the occupying military forces to save him.

I won’t spoil the details, but the knights accept this as a challenge and declare the launch of the “high crusade”.

That last picture is so stupidly badass I might tattoo that next to my dick cause it ain’t getting any better after that

Tips for returning twitter users:

-If it cannot break its egg’s shell, a chick will die without being born.

-We are the chick.

-The world is our egg.

-If we don’t crack the world’s shell, we will die without being born.

-Smash the world’s shell! For the revolution of the world!

redditors take note

Aaaaargh. :)