Stories and Other Nonsense

Yeah we only really let @prokopetz get away with it

In my defence, I don't post this way because I'm afraid of typos. I do it because using a very formal register to shitpost about robot dick is inherently funny.

People are always complaining about shifts in grammar feeling wrong to them, but when I was a kid it was still considered an error in formal English to apply the possessive pronoun to inanimate objects – i.e., you couldn't say "any die whose value is X", you had to say "a die the value of which is X" – and people pulling the stick out of their collective ass over that one is literally the best thing that ever happened to me.

If you have no perspective on how aggravating this rule was in practice, imagine that it applied to non-inanimates; i.e., imagine that in formal writing you weren't allowed to say "that's his car", you had to sad "that is the car of him", and this was considered reasonable. Fucking Mojo Jojo-ass grammar.

Tiers of old-school fandom:

@smeghenegham replied:

I actually know somebody who got injured as a result of a glomp in spite of being neither the glomper nor the glompee because the glomp in question sent the recipient’s plastic Naruto daggers flying and poked a bystander in the eye.

god i love little kids, they're like aliens, they're so bizarre.

i hung out with some pre-k kids today and told them my birthday was yesterday and it was absolutely Not Computing to them that i didn't get presents so they were bringing me random shit (pinecone, tiny rock, crust from sandwich, some smushed blades of grass, etc etc) and one kid brought me a handful of sand and as he was holding it out to show me how shiny it was, noticed there was an ant in it, and his instinct for some fucking reason was to lean down and suck in a mouthful of the sand/ant???????? and sent himself into a coughing fit. literally what and why the fuck would anyone do that

Forever love the phenomenon of people seeing the intense burning hatred Madoka fans have for Kyuubey and asking “What did the poor little bunny kitty do to deserve this?” Then experiencing the show and proceeding to want him eviscerated.

Hello everyone because this is my diary and I can’t stop thinking about this I want to share that the front door to my family’s farm house was broken and the only way to get inside was to climb onto a ledge 3 or 4 feet off the ground, using a stepladder

And I grabbed my 84 year old grandmother (who is NOT senile and does not, in theory, need to be monitored like a toddler) by the shoulders and I spoke to her clearly, in Spanish, “Abuela, promise me you will not try to climb up and down without help. If you feel like going outside I WILL HELP YOU. As many times as you need help. We’ll get the door fixed but until then you do NOT go up or down that ladder without me or my mom helping you. I want you to look me in the eye and PROMISE ME. Because I love you and I’m worried you’ll get hurt. Do you understand? Do you promise?”

And she said all the right things and, as it turns out, LIED TO MY FACE because 12 hours later she (my 84 year old grandmother) jumped (THREE FEET) down onto solid concrete (THREE FEET DOWN) and fucking tucked and rolled like a paratrooper onto the grass, through some miracle, completely unharmed, and when I found her lying there I shrieked “ABUELA? SALTASTE?” (YOU JUMPED?) whereupon she (84) looked up at me and calmly said “Claro” (of course, or, obviously)

I do not know how she has not shattered every bone in her body but she got away with it without even a bruise. Anyway we fixed the front door.

I guess technically she didn’t lie because I told her not to use the stepladder by herself, I never made her promise not to jump!!!

The thing that kills me is that this is how old people DIE. They fall, sometimes from much shorter distances, break their hip, go to the hospital, and never come back out.

I banished her outside for a bit, for her jumping crimes, and very nearly hung a sign around her neck that said “I LOVE SCARING MY GRANDCHILDREN TO DEATH BY BARREL ROLLING OUT OF AN UNFINISHED BALCONY DOOR”

Here I am climbing through the same door for reference

NOOOOOOOOO

that photo of hunter s. thompson shooting his typewriter is such a mood

Could NOT have predicted what I was in for before the image loaded. Why is it a ray gun. Why are they in the snow. Why that outfit in the snow.

Happy Birthday to Hunter S Thompson!

That is the look of a writer who is convinced he has found the source of the typos and plotholes, and is determined to Do Something About It.

I don’t think you can fully understand transmisogyny without understanding how it’s weaponized against cis Black women.

When you find a transmisogynist you’ve found a racist who will use their ideals of the “normative female body” to demean and denigrate Black women. For years it was a popular right wing rumor/conspiracy/dick move to refer to Michelle Obama as a “tranny” and more recently sports organizations have repeatedly excluded cis Black women for not having “normative” hormone levels. Transmisogyny and antiblackness go hand in hand.

see i could be a different kind of autism blog because i'm real good at identifying magic: the gathering cards from crappy photos but there just isn't that many opportunities for that except me scouting ebay

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP RSTU XY

22/26

try harder please

i'm having so much fun

Out of the Fire and Into the frying pan.

its not funny but i do think about it a lot

Yeah I don’t get this.. glad I don’t have kids. I mean what are you supposed to say?

it’s about the context. if a kid feels bad about doing something, they are unlikely to do it again unless they feel like they have to or if they don’t know another way to get it done. children are just small humans; they don’t like feeling bad/guilty/etc. any more than anyone else does. so if a kid comes forward and says ‘I did this bad thing and I feel bad about it’ and you scold them for doing that thing that they already feel bad about, then you are effectively just scolding them for coming forward. if the kid already feels bad, they don’t need an adult to tell them they should feel bad. in reality, the kid was probably coming forward about it because they wanted the adult to explain how to make it right, or how to do it properly.

Thank you, this helps. I like kids but being autistic sometimes it’s confusing because here in don’t know what the script is.

An appropriate script could be:

My only real and valid writing tip is that you google every word you make up for your fantasy stories. That's It

there won't be any results though because you just made it up

One time I made up a name for a character and after googling it discovered it was a Zimbabwean slur

This is why Star Wars has an in cannon genre of music known as Jizz Wailing. Jizz Wailing is the playing of music called Jizz-wail as performed by Jizz Wailers in the Star Wars universe cause Lucas decided he didn’t need to look up a word he “just made up”.

Occasionally, you come across one of those totally-not-a-terf-gender-critical blogs with some very eloquent posts about how they really, really don't hate trans people and will even call trans women trans women as a sign of good will, they will just also call them male, and they really, really just want to see gender norms abolished, and they don't understand why they get all this vitriol thrown at them for that from people who misread the gender-critical position.

And you think to yourself, oh, this person seems well intentioned and probably just ran into a few too many trans people whose patience is understandably thin. They just need it explained to them that trans people are fighting against the same enemy. And with some helpful hints, they will easily understand that screaming "I'm a lesbian that means I don't want dicks in my sex ever" is not helpful rhetoric and that the people taking issue with that statement are not actually trying to do a conversion therapy on them. They don't know that the hateful dogwhistles that sound like reasonable assertions are in fact dogwhistles. The thing about dogwhistles is that normies can't hear them, after all!

And then you scroll down a little further and you find just post after post of the most evil shit you have ever seen, making it VERY clear that they VERY much so do hate trans women, and you're like, ah. Right. People lie, I almost forgot.

is it fucking weird to anyone else to think that deer are like, everywhere

like, i tend to think of them as a north american animal, but

I like how they just avoid Mongolia

Mongolia has an anti-deer forcefield.

I like the rat map even better

What is Alberta doing

we are fucking constantly vigilant 

Jesus fucking christ, Alberta

Hey! Albertan here. I thought rats were fictional until I was 9 years old. I have still never seen a rat in person.

Hate hate hate how some people's image of a woman who hates other women is like. A tomboy who mostly hangs out with guys and isn't really into wearing makeup or dresses. 9 times put of 10, those girls don't hold a fucking candle to most flavors of Woman Hate that I can think of. Just off the top of my head, we've got:

I've barely scratched the surface with these, there are SO many more. Also, none of these are mutually exclusive. Also note that most of these women could dress any way and still be Like This, although flavors one and three are a lot more likely to dress traditionally feminine.

Can you believe. Can you FUCKING believe. That this post got reblogged by a TERF. But like, one of those TERFs that pretends not to be a TERF. She’s all “i support trans people, i’m just ~asking questions~” in her bio but if you scroll for thirty seconds you find a long-ass post defending JK Rowling.

I SPECIFICALLY made sure to include a description of TERFs in the “women who hate other women” list, and this still happened. Holy shit how is nothing safe

*sidles up to you at the bar* would you like to hear my wise aphorism

only if it's actually wise. the last guy who asked me this had a pretty foolish aphorism tbh

oh… uhuh… *really should have prepared this ahead of time* never ignore… the melody of time… when your shoe’s untied?

*considers this aphorism sagely, sipping my horrible and bitter potion*

yes. there is wisdom in this. he whose shoes are untied must carefully mind the rhythm of his steps. bartender, another Wretched Potion, for my comrade here

*to self* holy shit… my aphorism… it’s wise!

I were inspired

is there anyone out there with a nyt cooking subscription

will they send me the chamomile tea cake with strawberry icing recipe

We out here torrenting recipes now? Reblog

We need more scary infinite variants of manmade environments like the Infinite IKEA or the Backrooms.

May I suggest, The Lot:

I'm sorry to disappoint you but this is a real parking lot. I didn't edit it.

Check out the lot-to-building ratio in any large American sports stadium

Some lots are so big they have bus services specifially inside it. The lots are broken into sections and buses go around to their sections at a set amount of times before the start of something and drive people to the main building.

The societies of lost people inside The Lot would probably operate something like that to locate and pick up new arrivals and bring them over to one of the major settlements.

In the Infinite Ikea or Backrooms you can convince yourself there's gonna be a door round the next corner or behind that wall.

But despite it being completely open, there is no hope of escape from The Lot. Whereever you look it's just more cars from horizon to horizon.

Sheesh, man, that's

a lot

Won’t lie, if I were having a rough time and the office himbos brought me mac and cheese I would be cured.

These guys are really on to something here.

[Image ID: Screenshot of a tweet with its username blurred out. The display name says “do not quote retweet or @ me please”. The tweet itself says, “Woman in my office is going through a breakup and the work guys chat was trying to think of something nice to do for her and one of the guys said, very sincerely, said ‘women like mac and cheese, right? maybe we can do something with that?’” End ID.]