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reblogged

The people in the apartment below me are playing “Never Have I Ever” and I’m smoking on my porch creeping on their game

Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn’t intentional! I didn’t know what they were doing!!! Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink

Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshirt contest

(Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo)

Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH! Katy: Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche Brandon: I’m being singled out I hate you all

Guy 2: Never have I ever had a threescore [Pause] Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?!?!?!?! Katy: Shut up Andrew it’s before we even knew each other this was years ago!!! [Pause] Andrew: And you won’t even watch porn with me…

(the family is disintegrating)

Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational game of Never Have I Ever….

[People saying ‘cheers’]

(stop fighting guys you’re tearing this family apart…..)

Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food. [Pause] Andrew: Dude Brandon: Dude Katy: Dude omg Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana! Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks. Ester: what the fuck though. Whatever.

(Don’t let them kink shame you Ester I still love you)

#TeamEster #BananaSplits

Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side #TeamEster #TeamKink

Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew

#TeamBananaFucking

Ester: Never have I ever had a crush on a family member Brandon: [random fumbling noises] Katy: brandon omg ew Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND I WAS 13 IT’S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED Ester: methinks thou dost protest too fucking much Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew

#TeamBananaFucking #TeamWhatTheFuckBrandon

Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana.

#BananaCreamPie #GamesOverKids #TeamEster

This is spectacular.

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Is Russia even real

I think it is necessary for me to transcribe what she’s saying because it is EXACTLY how I babytalk to my cat:

“Oh Stepa! So little – little Stepa! My little kiss, where’s my little kiss?? Where are my little fingers? Where are my little legs? Where are my little paws? Stepa!” *shakes his paw* “Say hello! Hello my little one! Hello!” *lies down on him* “Oh how nice, how warm. Good boy…”

to be clear, this bear is named the russian equivalent of “steve”

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i'm literally the girl that blacks out pregaming... i cannot hang

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if i ever get myself into another relationship, someone PLEASE shoot me first. save me some misery

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deleted my twitter bc i'm obsessed with being on it and don't wanna see certain ppl on there rn so i switched back to tumblr i guess to post things i would post on twitter and get 0 likes or rt's bc i have no followers so i'm basically just talking to myself but it's better than a bunch of fake ppl i know reading it!!!!!!!

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I hope whoever made this has an awful day

I really need someone to end my suffering

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barelyup

I want someone who can’t stop kissing me and pulls me back in everytime i pull away

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reblogged

I just want someone to rub my back and play with my hair and eat pizza with.

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barelyup

@emareewillis come here bitch