I rewrote my tav’s backstory and she is so unbelievably fucked up— which is rather fitting for this party of sad bitches. I love her so much, when I do a durge playthrough I’m literally just gonna play her again because frankly from what I know about durge it’s not like unrealistic for all that to happen to her.

So I was thinking about how everyone has reasons for being level 1 despite the backstories:

Gale made magic herself ignore him. Karlach’s fucking heart is broken, Wyll’s patron is in a box, shadowheart forgot

But like astarion? Nah man is fully just level one, you think he has combat training? The fact he can use a sword to begin with is astounding. the only thing this guy did that is useful while adventuring is like sneaking around and looking pretty. Like mechanically he’s not even good at talking to people he has like a +2 to persuasion by default. Like nothing about his backstory to me implies he’s had a higher cr than 1.

become the swamp witch of his dreams

my tav and astarion's kid-- he's like a little bitch but harmless

his name literally means 'Flawless'

lil star

bb astarion perhaps teehee

Short king truthing astarion

Every bg3 companion’s backstory is like:

When I was a child I was in a dire situation so I trusted someone— I didn’t have much of a choice and then I was locked into servitude for many years.

Lava girl: 10 years ago when she referred to herself as ‘a girl’ she was poor and shit and trusted that goopgash guy and then boom sent to actual hell

Sailor moon: as a lil bb her fucking parents got yeeted and she ended up in a cult where they used magic and shit to fuck her up and bingo bongo she is a cultist now serving mother night

Astronaut: a minor (elves get to vote at 100), dude got his shit kicked in (prob his fault ngl) and off brand strahd comes over and is like wanna live? And then boom 200 years of torture

Wylliam Shakespeare: the most literal of them all— 17 and everyone was gonna killed by dragon mommy cultists and boom literal demons r like I can help, and now he’s a warlock

Waterdeep’s worst wizard (my Waterdeep dragon heist character is best wizard): the goddess of magic groomed him and told him to Kys

I don’t pay attention to any other companions but considering this pattern it’s probably the same

actually Kat and Asta's relationship in act1 they do just be trying to out-manipulate each other constantly, they be playing mind games and shit

Seeing as this is my steam hours

I wanna know (for science) If there is any correlation between the peoples favorite bg3 companion and their favorite Stardew single

She Literally gonna wife him and have his children—

If I can’t find canon information about astarion’s family I will just making shit up and it will be sad