Healing (being healed) doesn't mean not being triggered anymore, deleting trauma from your life, no more falling into mind traps. It doesn't mean you'll be perfect once you're done (there's no such thing as "perfection"). You may still fall into old mental pattern occasionally, you may still have triggers here and there.

In fact, healing means recognizing and accepting your emotional reflexes and needs, so that you don't have to let them take over cause you know you are the one in control. It means knowing you have other options to choose from when triggers hit you, that won't have you ending up in a burnout, overthinking or feeling overwhelmed by everything. It means you know you can choose your thoughts and reactions freely, without having to depend on your traumatized mind and what it wants you to think/feel (even if to keep you safe).

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“Being suicidal and living for others is the most drowning feeling ever”

— Why can’t I find a reason to live for myself?

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“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everybody is doing so many things with their lives and I am just here.. achieving nothing. I wonder if that’s all I will ever be, nothing.”

please dont look me in the eye and tell me you love me when you dont mean it. i can take no for an answer. i just cant take it when you lie straight to my face and expect me not to notice.

Dear diary...

And after some time... I did it again.
I needed to feel this again...
I don't know... I guess I'm just weak. And selfish. And pathetic. I don't know. All I know is I hate myself for being like this.
It's always the same. What's the point of trying?