Dnd Has Me By The Throat

Cassandra Dunn Vertiz

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

Magnus Archives fan I see

THIS IS SO FUNNY I'M SORRY

it drives me crazy every time I see some response to the WGA/SAG strike that is essentially “well everyone in hollywood is a millionaire anyways” because 1) you could not be more wrong; there are way more people struggling to make ends meet working in this industry than sitting on millions of dollars and 2) a big topic of conversation is whether the studios are able to replace people with AI - in the case of the actors, there is talk of being able to use people’s likeness FOREVER without pay or consent

I don’t care if every actor was a millionaire, every single person has a right to control how their likeness is used and to think otherwise is just disgusting

Elliot Page has the chance to do the single funniest thing in the history of Hollywood.

Born in Flames (Lizzie Borden, 1983)

gender conforming but the gender i'm conforming to is lesbian

dichotomy? more like dyke hot 2 me #feminism

Thinking about the time I lost a game of Overwatch and I was so mad about it that I genuinely considered getting into shit with the other team in chat and then realized that it was a colossal waste of my living breathing Human Time and uninstalled Overwatch instead because it was only making me angry.

And then thought about the OTHER time when I was on TikTok and realized I was Not Enjoying Myself and was, in fact, seeing so many sad videos and fake influencer ads that I felt Truly Despondent and then just…Deleted it.

Imo I want my social media /general media experience to be a pleasant break from real world and I get to decide what I get to cull to make that a reality for myself. I highly reccomended it! Life has improved considerably!

As many people in the tags have said:

[ID: the just walk out meme is a human skeleton running against a blue and white gradient background. the white text reads, "just walk out, you can leave!!! work, social thing, movies, home, class, dentist, clothes shopping, too fancy weed store, cops if you're quick, friendships. if it sucks... hit da bricks!! real winners quit." end ID]

KATE SIEGEL and MCKENNA GRACE as THEO CRAIN The Haunting Of Hill House (2018) Episode 3 | Touch

"I'm weak."

"No, you're just hurt."

now that sag-aftra has joined the strike, the increase in cold-ass takes has skyrocketed about “why should we support millionaires whining about not making money??”. like my man. my guy. the actors well-paid enough to have name recognition are striking to protect their colleagues. that very name recognition is what the average person is going to notice. they probably won’t care that ‘woman who plays every dead body in police procedurals’ is striking, but someone like emily blunt? that’ll get their attention. besides, would you rather they just… not support their colleagues? because at this point you’re basically saying you’d prefer if they scab than support their colleagues who can’t make a living wage despite both groups being talented professionals who deserve respect. name recognition is a powerful tool for sag-aftra and i hope they wield it with scalpel-like precision against the execs

I think it’s less they don’t want the rich actors to defend their colleagues and more that they just don’t understand that like 80% of actors aren’t rich. They think all actors are rich

here’s a transcript:

>walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I’m drunk as shit >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >“What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!” >guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >“Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!” >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >“I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!” >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in an machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat

I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.

in addition to two comments reading “FUCKING EPIC” and “THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS” op elaborated further in another post:

Holy shit, is this still being posted?

I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys.

Their leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that his right to stay in the country was contested, and he had to go to court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked.

I was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he shouldn’t be deported for lack of common sense or social normality.

His defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of the random people he’d helped out, including one memorable point where a woman, nearly on the verge of tears, pointed out how he’d taken on a guy threatening to rape her and carrying a knife by whipping out a fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his eccentricities, made the country better.

He was not deported, and lives here to this very day, stalking the streets in musketeer garb, rescuing drunks, and dispensing his own brand of justice.

Oh my God

What we need to do is convince all the disney adults in america that high speed rail would be a preferable way of getting to disneyworld compared to driving or flying. We could maybe harness their fondness for the monorail or something, but this is a group of people that has time, income, and passion that we could leverage. If we could direct 5% of the enthusiasm they have for limited edition popcorn buckets into calling their representatives and demanding high-speed interstate rail, we could get it by 2030

Genuinely I think that an entertainment industry strike is one of the best things that can happen in the late capitalist hellscape of our current era.

Because if people already don't have bread, and you take away their circuses, well...

It tends to not go well for empires, when that happens.

Stop giving your fantasy heroes swords challenge

Swords are for dipshits with more dollars than sense, real chad warriors have spears and axes

Spears: probably the oldest weapon humans ever developed that took more effort than just picking up a rock or swinging a branch as a club. Spears are the most venerated and effective weapon in history, used by every culture across the world with very little - if any! - exception. Medium-to-long reach means wider defensive area, ability to change hand position on shaft means you can adjust tip distance for opponents closer or farther away. Fast, maneuverable, throwable; reach for keeping people outside your personal bubble and can be used to just bludgeon people because a wooden pole bonks just as good as another wooden pole without the stabby bit; various styles of tips and blades that can be used to slash (not as effective but still very possible because blood drawn is blood spilled), more room for cool decorations as well as can be used to bear a banner or coat of arms. She does it all and she did it first. (They also twirl real cool)

Axes: PROBABLY THE SECOND OLDEST WEAPON DESIGN MORE ADVANCED THAN JUST PICKING UP A ROCK. Brutal, practical, utilitarian, the axe is excellent for that sweet sweet CHOP. The full force of your swing being focused into an area less than a millimeter wide and several inches long can cause SO MUCH DAMAGE, and if it's dulling mid-fight you still have a brutal tool that will break bone as indiscriminately as any other hunk of metal tied to a stick. They can be small and maneuverable, used with a shield or paired with another axe. They are the most effective way to just hack at an opponent's own shield, and - due to the fact that axes tend to have a much wider, shallower blade than, say, swords - they aren't as affected by the blunt force (with regards to dulling/damaging the actual edge of the blade) or as prone to getting stuck in the wood of the shield. Combat/fighting/war axes are definitely designed and sharpened differently from their wood-chopping brethren with regards to balance and the depth of the blade, but the guiding principle is the same. Chop chop chop chop chop.

Polearms: they're spearses. They're axes. They're both and they're neither. Pikes, glaives, halberds, bardiches, guisarmes, guandao, naginata, scythes, tridents, anything we took a blade or pointy metal and a long pole and ductaped together.

Swords are cool! They can be beautiful! However, they are race horses being used to work the fields: too expensive to maintain, not optimal for the purpose they're being used for, and too easy to irrepably damage if misused. Your opponents are wearing armor? You better hope you have a sword maneuverable enough to work into its weak points, because you're not hacking through that before you find yourself walking through golden fields of wheat. You only have one hand on your sword? Better hope somebody doesn't smack that long lever in your hands in such a way that it just gets knocked from your grasp.

This is the same post as every other Spears and Axes in Fantasy/Fiction post in existence, but I wrote this one and its mine amd im in a mood this morning apparently

@scarletkilometers SO TRU ABSOLUTELY CORRECT I AM POLISHING YOUR HAFT IN APPRECIATION

Okay but @gamemakerm have you considered what it could mean for a warrior woman to hold her nemesis at spear point first from a distance, hands at the back of the shaft to keep her nemesis as far away as possible which unfortunately lets her knock away the spear and get away? So the next time she has her nemesis at her mercy again, she's holding a firmer grip, standing closer for faster reaction speed? To stop her from getting away (and failing again)?

The third time they're face to face, she's got her hand gripping the end of the shaft, almost a chef's knife grip on the actual tip of the point, holding it directly to her jugular. Pinned against a wall. She will not escape her this time.

(They kiss)

Imagine also a burly warrior woman with a bearded handax, holding her prisoner by the throat with one hand and the axe against her throat with the other. They are challenging the other to make the first move with their locked, heated gaze. Burly Warrior smirks and gently caresses her opponent's long hair, using the hook of the beard like a finger and watching those beautiful locks pour off it.

Her prisoner is still being held up by her throat, but she's watching, too. She can't not watch. The axe caressing her is as much a threat as it is a promise, and the implications of either and both make her heart race.

Another option. Just a big fuck off ogre style club. Give the hero a whittled tree trunk. Just for funsies.

one of my fav D&D characters was a giantkin woman-- 8 foot tall, fiery red hair, rippling muscles, tamed a fucking triceratops as a mount. Everyone expected her to be the melee combatant, the party tank. Until she pulled out a bow as long as she was tall and exploded targets with it.

TRUTH. What you need is imagination, and you don’t need to go anywhere to use it.

Yeah, sure, seeing new things is helpful as a fantasy writer. But. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that exposure to new things is the same as traveling. You know what else exposes you to new things?  The internet. Documentaries. Books. Freaking Youtube. So when you’re bored of cats and cooking tutorials, go on an adventure!

You wanna write create some fantasy creatures but don’t know where to start? Go check out some videos The Weird Creatures Earth has Had.

Want some inspiration for your Super Evil Villain’s Villanous Deeds?

Or maybe you want some weird locations to kick start your Fantasy World Terraforming?

Or maybe you need knowledge of bunches of historical places and cities and cultures?

But maybe you’re basing fantasy on the modern world?

Okay but lets say you want to start from the same inspiration as GRRM? (and part two!)

That’s just the stuff I could quickly grab. Things I’m subscribed to, that I know offhand. There is So. Much. Stuff. Online.

The best thing about the internet is that it means its not just the fortunate sons that get to learn, and explore and imagine and write. We get to see stories from all over the place, from all sorts of people, who bring All Kinds of New Ideas.