this was so wild

Someone explain

The first sentence says 32 and 13 implying that the speaker is 32 years old and their girlfriend is 13 years old, which is both highly inappropriate and illegal. The next sentence reveals the speaker was talking about their game levels, not their ages, which is perfectly okay.

In their reply to the audience they then say they are picking her up from middle school, again implying that their girlfriend is underage, but quickly state she’s grading papers letting us know she’s a teacher, definitely an adult, and there no reason to be upset.

The rollercoaster gif portrays how switching from upset and worried to relieved in such a short period of time feels emotionally.

The next meme shows the guy panicking from misunderstanding, then feeling relieved and calm realizing the truth, only to panic over the next misunderstanding and then calm again when hearing the end.

the above explanation is followed by a picture of data from star trek with a speech bubble's tail coming out of him, implying he's the one saying all of that, which is humerous because the above text is written in a style similar to his speech patterns, and with a subject matter he would enjoy

This is the worst website ever and I love it.

my favorite genre of photo is the one where women in like, fancy expensive clothes and glam makeup are just like, lounging impractically or doing mundane tasks in their getups. I need every picture of me ever taken to be exactly like those 

God I wish that were me

officially starting a collection

God the vibes….

*gets penalty* “that’s bullshit” *watches replay* “.. yeah okay”

This is flawless. I can’t stop watching.

he really said 😬

peter brown / huguette clark

January Morning - St. Petersburg by  Ed Gordeev

here’s my hot take

you forgot someone.

HEY.

okay this reminded me of the strongest human being (I use that label with some reservation) I have ever met and I still think about him like once a week because about 4 years ago on Thanksgiving night my sister, cousin, and I were going to pick up a friend about a 40 minute drive from home, and I got lost and tried to turn around on a little gravel pull-off on the side of the road, but my front tires got stuck in the snow.

we were in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and the only sign of life was a single, completely dark house across the road from us.

We all did our best to push the car out, and we’re strong people, but we couldn’t make it budge. Cold and stuck, we climbed back and wondered what to do. A car full of men pulled over beside us and asked if we needed help, but getting out of our locked car on a backroad at night with strange men felt like a bad idea, so we said a tow was coming and waved them along. We did that twice before finally deciding our only option was to accept the next offer for help and just risk it,

when a man came out of the house across the street.

He’d clearly been watching us and figured out why we’d been lying to people, which really surprised me & he said “it’s okay, you can stay in your car and keep the doors locked. Just start backing up when I say so.”

I had the window cracked and told him “it’s too stuck. There’s no way we’re getting out. Could you call a tow?”

And he said “just back up when I say so.”

So he walked around the front of the car, squatted, and said “okay back up,”

and I did, and

he lifted

the front of the car Into The Air. Off its front wheels, and we backed up while he essentially wheel-barrowed us back onto the road.

And we were honest to god yelling. We couldn’t help it. We just yelled until all four wheels were back on the ground and he was waving us off while we thanked him.

And then I looked at my sister and cousin & said “he REALLY told us we can KEEP our doors locked as if THAT WOULD’VE FUCKING STOPPED HIM!!!! As if he couldn’t have just RIPPED EM OFF THE HINGES.”

I later looked up the weight of my car, and it’s 3200 pounds without anything or anyone in it.

This haunts me.

those 6 days between christmas and new years are just end roll credits to the movie like they there and a mood but thats about it 

This.

Okay but using Karen for the betterment of others is a genius move I never could have seen coming

Be the good Karen you want to see in the world

Care-n

reblogging for the pun

Be the change you want to see in your meme

Just Like the First Time.

“Among us” is a wonderful way to show the fallibility of eyewitness accounts.

“Okay students. Next we’re going to read The Crucible, but first we’re going to spend an hour playing Among Us on the school wifi.

I saw Goody Proctor vent in medbay

source

props to stem people wtf! i can bullshit my way through any english essay because literally u just have to say stuff. but for stem paper u have to say stuff AND it has to be true. wack. 

props to hums people wtf! i can bullshit my way through any stem essay because literally u just have to repeat stuff. but for a hums paper u have to say stuff AND it has to be new stuff from your brain. wack. 

#FINALLY the solidarity we need to defeat business majors

Responding to a pandemic in the world’s wealthiest and most powerful nation:

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE APOLOGIZING FOR BECAUSE I’M COMPLETELY CONFUSED

The RNA vaccines approved for COVID-19 in the US both need to be distributed at extremely low temperatures. Like 40F lower than any other mass-distributed medicine.

It turns out the Dippin Dots company runs the only nationwide supply chain that’s ever operated at those temperatures. So all these big serious health orgs are consulting the expertise of, and even exploring renting equipment from, The Ice Cream of the Future™️.

WODJSKXNSIJXSKD

terrible years really make you understand the point of a new year. i know nothing much will have changed between dec 31 and jan 1, but we need to be able to partition off everything that’s happened to us, we need a moment to say, ‘that’s done, we’re done with it, it’s over’ and have a little hope that the future will be different. we need to be able to stop and take a breath and sing, in the middle of winter, and prepare ourselves for spring.

#humans live life as a story#it doesn’t have real endings and beginnings so we make them ourselves#we need them to make sense of things

every single social interaction i’ve ever had has been complete guesswork

every time i have a conversation i spend the next 30 minutes after grading myself

sometimes I get so jealous of other people’s social skills. like damn. they can talk to people?? and people like them?? look at all those people who like them. wtf. illegal

this is so awkward because Pestilence seems to have come back out of retirement this year so now there is FIVE Horsemen and only FOUR Horses

The fifth horse has been LOOSE IN A HOSPITAL for the last 4 years.

Soon to fixed.

The entire history of the world, religion, politics, and pop culture came together to make this joke possible.