This isn't even my final form

sometimes I randomly think about the time a girl posted in this girls only Facebook group I’m in telling everyone how she broke up with her boyfriend and he lied saying that he lost the spare key she gave him, only to then break into her apartment when she wasn’t home and steal the cat they’d adopted while they were together, but then he denied having done this and she didn’t really have proof that he took the cat since he wouldn’t let her come into his place and look for it. And then another girl saw this post and knew her ex-boyfriend, and she was like “girl. I used to hook up with your mans back in xxxx and I still have his number. If you want, I’ll hit him up and get him to invite me back to his place and see if your cat’s there.” And the OP was like “bet.”

So this woman hit up homie dog, asked him out for drinks, went home with him, slept with him, and then woke up in the middle of the night and TOOK THE CAT. Like she had only said that she would confirm if the cat was there but then she took it upon herself to steal this woman’s cat back. Like she full on Trojan horsed this man and then hit up homegirl like “I got the goods. Where you wanna meet.” And then the two of them posted a photo of them together with the cat to the group.

And I just think women supporting women is so beautiful.

Not a single soul (except for LBH) would dare voice their opinion out loud, for fear of being torn apart and having their head skewered on ice. However, in secret, everyone questioned the king of the Northern Desert's taste in mates.

Ozai is so pathetic, like that “take his bending away haha he’s harmless now” trick would never have worked on Zuko, if you took his bending away he’d just grab his swords and come at you twice as hard, Azula doesn’t have swords or anything but she’s pretty good at hand to hand and amazing at talking her way out of problems, Iroh bust himself out of prison with no bending at all, meanwhile Ozai? Gets his bending taken away and then just collapses, doesn’t even try anymore, then just sits in prison and tries to get into Zuko’s head some more, he could have trained up and tried to break out too! But no! Bet he can’t break steel bars with his bare hands. Bet he can’t kick a steel lever in two. Bet he can’t even do a flip.

Also we never really see him do any really impressive firebending apart from when he has magic comet power, I guesss he shoots some lightning at Zuko, but that’s it and Azula is still better at the lightning thing. Azula has blue flames. Zuko can do firebreakdancing and bend with his swords. Does Ozai, who is not 14 years old, have blue flames? No he doesn’t.

He didn’t even do his coup himself, Ursa had to kill Azulon for him! Could have just challenged Iroh to an Agni Kai for the throne but he didn’t bc he knew he’d lose.

And then he only ruled for like 6 years! He lost a war that had been going on for 100 years bc of a bunch of kids.

Loserlord indeed

what if xiao jiu was orochimaru... what if that...

People who try to moralize about classical myth are unwittingly acting as a chorus. Discussions are framed and interspersed with rueful cries of "Why is The King so capricious and manipulative? Why is The Queen so vengeful? Why did Death steal that girl away from her mother?"

"You've become part of the Greek chorus! You're taking part in the mythology with your lamentations! Good luck recovering from this one bub!"

columbo teaming up with any detective is fun but the issue is that the one constant of columbo is that he basically knows the killer before he even arrives, so the mystery is less whodunnit and more about how columbo is going to catch this dude in his lie. therefore I propose the best columbo x detective crossover is not in fact columbo and benoit blanc or sherlock but in fact Columbo and the Scooby Doo Gang. In this essay i w-

He’d LOVE THEM!!! They’ve no clue who did it, they’re off somewhere setting up a literal trap and eating chilli while he’s making sure the killer is always just close enough to get annoyed with them and him, and at this point he’s trying to see if he can make them just outright confess before one of Fred’s contraptions go off, or if he’ll need to arrange a setup where the confession is after the killer’s literally been trapped in a barrel of molasses up to his hips. Either way, he’s having a blast looking after his nephew or niece and their friends! No, he can’t remember which one he’s actually related to, wether it’s from his side or his wife’s side or if he’s even related to one of them or not, but they all call him Uncle Columbo either way, so who cares?

obviously he’s related to scooby, on his dog’s side

if i had the ability to make my brain animatics real i would be unstoppable

I had an absolutely horrendous idea, I can not give any explanation.

There was a large crowd by the quays of Tol Eressëa.

Finrod did not, in principle, particularly enjoy seeing many of the Eldar gathered on the beach. It brought back too many memories: the curious milling about after the earth had swallowed the Númenoreans - what a stupid, thoughtless, evil waste of life - the departure of his father’s host for Middle-earth, taking with it everyone he had not yet lost, and of course the - first incident.

But today he was here among the crowd, and his father and mother, and his grandfather and grandmothers, and Angrod and Orodreth with Finduilas, and finally Celebrían. Still a small group, compared to the carefree days of his youth; but another place was about to be filled, for his sister was coming home.

i want people to feel about my writing the way roger ebert feels about the mummy

“There is hardly a thing I can say in its favor, except that I was cheered by nearly every minute of it. I cannot argue for the script, the direction, the acting or even the mummy, but I can say that I was not bored and sometimes I was unreasonably pleased.”

We need more books and movies like this.

Adrien Amilhat - Sea Witch

folding a fitted sheet

yall ever refuse to consume a piece of media you Know youd like solely bc you think itd make you feel more emotions than you want to

like Yeah the purpose of art is to make you Feel but im feeling plenty already thank you very much

empty skull trompers who chanted ‘lock her up’ for half a decade now crying and blubbering as they explain that its never ok to send politicians to jail

im not over dafan moutain actually because can you ??? imagine ????

like imagine !! you're a no name cultivator who just showed up on dafan moutain to get some glory through night hunting or whatever, and boom, check this out ! one of jin guanshan's bastards showed up practicing demonic cultivation with a flute, like a shitty wwx wannabe, god you hate that fad. But now you're in for a good show, because the most TERRIFYING sect leader, Jiang Cheng, is ALSO showing up and he HATES anything that reminds him of wwx and hang on, is that bastard boy mo xuanyu ? the gay one ? the crazy one ? the one that famously and loudly tried to get hot man-on-man action with his half brother, jin guanyao (also a bastard) ? oh this is fun, jiang cheng is going to OBLiTERATE that twink.

but then ! but then ! HAnGUaNG JUn ! arguably the other most terrifying cultivator alive ! like, he isnt known for angrily cutting people into pieces like jiang cheng, but nobody doubts he could totally cut a man in pieces if so desired. Anyway, now you get to see the two most terrifying cultivators fighting !!! the most exciting brawl of your life happening ! like, you dont get why lan wangji would defend mo xuanyu (didnt he get kicked out of the jin sect after he harrassed his half brother, anyway ? isnt he crazy ?), but like they probably have a rule about not condemning innocents or whatever in his sect. (obviously it's not just because he hates jiang cheng and he's being petty. lwj hates jc, but nobody could call him petty. really.)

and then ! just as you're getting ready to duck and witness the most exciting fight ever, the screeching mo xuanyu just. hides being lan wangji, like how did he think it was a good idea, cant that kid read a face oh my GOD he's groping lwj he's dead that's it he's dead. And then he says ooooh i prefer hanguang jun what a fine man i like him, and you think welp rip mo xuanyu.

BUT THEn lan wangji just goes "okay". and just. bodily carries him out. just like. "okay" and he carries him out !!!!!!! what the fuck !!!!! you learn later that lwj took mxy home, JUST LIkE THAT, into his goddamn room, and kept him there !!!!! the next day mxy was loudly crying about lwj tormenting him all night long and refusing to come out !!!! what the fuck !!!!!

and like it's so fucking funny to me because i 100% believe that the ONLY reason people didnt start throwing themselves at lwj in the short window before it was revealed mxy was now the revived wwx was because. because they went like. okay so apparently hanguang-jun is the easiest lay in china. like really the crazy gay bastard son of jgs, mo xuanyu, just rolled in the dirt crying in front of him and said he thought lwj was hot and that was it, no really, my cousin saw it- anyway so yeah it's EASY but think about it. like. i heard mo xuanyu cries for mercy every night now. have you seen hanguang jun in your life ? man never lets go of anything. i think once you say you're into him there's no take back. imagine that blank face staring at you while he fucks you. imagine it. god. awkward. but you think that's bad ? i saw him punch a tree down once. man is crazy strong he'd wreck you. and like, honestly, how big do you think his-

so anyway everybody goes like rip mo xuanyu thanks for your sacrifice now science's more advanced and shit.

and then the body sacrifice thing is revealed and everybody goes like oooooooh yeah lwj's original Bad Taste in Men (WWX-only), right right right. maybe not the easiest lay in china after all. but also maybe still the most terrifying, have you seen the state of wwx, that's divine punishment for you, didnt think lwj'd be the type to use rape as a punishment but listen wwx had it coming, what do you mean they are getting married, what the f-

anyway i think about this all the time

The gossip in the cultivation world is just the wildest. And none of it has anything to do with monsters or heroic deeds.

(I’m sure there were some who wanted to try and throw themselves on LWJ, but then they saw his face and just... reconsidered.)

right right ? and i mean it makes sense !!!! if you're a low cultivator or just a pleb, you probably havent witnessed any great deed ever. you know what you most definitely could witness tho ????

hanguang-jun bodily dragging the tied-up mad bastard through the inn !!!! you dont know about any xuanwu cave or whatever, but THIS definitely happened !!! also everybody loves the who-is-banging-whom gossip, as a general rule, and NOTHING is funnier than untouchable public persona tripping up in public. Granted, lwj looks as terrifying as ever, but he HAS to be bedding that twink, right ???

and like, imagine being lan xichen through that, oh my god. like, picture this, okay, you're lan xichen and you know your brother, and he hasnt been this elated and annoyed since the early days of his crush on wwx, and look, you only had a quick glance at the mo xuanyu kid, but you know your brother, and the mannerism could check out, so like. you're 80% already sure that it's PROBABLY wwx's spirit in there, but there is like. the 10% doubt that agree with the public opinion, which is that lwj finally lost his marbles after 13y of mourning the scourge wwx and snapped at the first lookalike who voiced interest in him. Truly a tragedy, the second jade of lan suddenly overcome by grief like that, completely delusionnal, but like everybody has their limits, and well it's sad for the crazy kid too because he certainly didnt know what he was signing up for, but you know what ? at least the crazies are paired together !

public opinion is equally sadly shaking their head and laughing their ass off at the lan clan right now. you're lan xichen and you're squeezing your eyes shut and think godfuckingDaMnIT WanGJI. You're still 80% sure it's wwx but it's probably not an improvement over mad gay bastard of jgs so you cant say anything. you're lan xichen and you're berating your brother's bad taste in men for the upteenth time since you reconsidered your shipping position, and you're wholefully unaware of how much you're about to clown yourself in a few weeks-

Also Lan Xichen’s own misadventure will happen in the only temple in the middle of a city & not on some mountain in the middle of nowhere, no way to hush that up. The inns will burst with gossip. Burst.

(But for now he’s just suffering silently through several qi deviations because of his little brother and almost-certainly-WWX-although-the-alternative-is-just-as-unappealing. He’s too polite to bother anyone with it. He just, like, takes extra tea in the evening. Or stops at random & plays xiao like it’s a normal thing to do.)

jdjfjdj litterally

TV Executives: “if the strike goes on, you won’t get new episodes of your favorite shows! You won’t get new movies you were looking forward to! Isn’t that terrible, what the writers are doing to you?”

Me: Bitch, that might have been an effective threat in 2007, but we have since survived a Covid shutdown and discovered ways to amuse ourselves while we waited, we can outwait this shit, too. I got a pile of shows saved I haven’t even watched yet, and a Mt. TBR waiting for me.

Compensate (and respect) your writers for their work, assholes.

And the thot plickens….

HOLY FUCK

SAG-AFTRA = Screen Actors Guild - American Federation of Television and Radio Artists

More info:

- The actors walk off at the end of June if the studios don’t sit down with the writers

- Rumor is directors will follow. This will grind everything to a halt.

- Nobody is asking for a boycott. Neil Gaiman has pointed out that making Good Omens S2 a huge hit actually puts more pressure on Amazon to negotiate with the writers

- This implies it’s okay to catch up on old streaming content without breaking the line too

- This is a screenwriter strike; books will keep coming out.

- Movies already made will keep coming out for months. Again, actors have not called for a boycott; you aren’t breaking the line if you go see a movie.

- I don’t know where this puts podcasts but none of them have studio funding or platforms so they’ll probably keep going.

- Substack/Tumblr book club are all public domain works and will keep going. In addition to Dracula Daily there’s Whale Weekly, Dickens Daily, My Dear Wormwood (The Screwtape Letters), Letters from Watson (Sherlock Holmes) and more.

- Your local library always needs love. With the Libby app you don’t even need to physically go there.

Did I daydream this, or was there a website for writers with like. A ridiculous quantity of descriptive aid. Like I remember clicking on “ inside a cinema ” or something like that. Then, BAM. Here’s a list of smell and sounds. I can’t remember it for the life of me, but if someone else can, help a bitch out <3

I FOUND IT BITCHES

This is going to save me so much trouble in the future.

My dad was raised buddhist and when I watched bill and Ted with him he was like “these guys are unironically the most enlightened people on the planet. They are leaving Samsara for sure” and that man has never been more right about anything ever

Dog thought he was home alone