Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."

I laughed. "Does that happen often?"

"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

Was golf created for the sole purpose of hoarding ridiculously large amounts of land just to brag about how little they use it?

Yes, literally.

Ballad of Weird Dog

a song + video featuring hundreds of weird dog drawings by VIEWERS LIKE YOU

(spotify!)

maya

dont repost reblogs ok

this duck LOVES pink drink

man sometimes i really want to get back into welding but then i remember that the guys from the first course i took won’t be there and change my mind

comprehensive list of things that happened to me in my welding course with The Guys:

- was the only one to get an A the first grading period. had to stop them from putting me on their shoulders

- became the official classroom mascot on account of i was the only girl. this meant i was an integral stop on any and all workshop tours. was referred to as “Our Lady Helena” on these occasions

- almost set myself on fire once bc my prof stood behind me watching me try a skill he’d just demonstrated and he shouted very suddenly very loudly. restarted my heart and asked WTF WAS THAT FOR JOHN and he called me a “goddamn wonder”. i almost got third degree burned over a compliment

- mentioned offhand ONE TIME that swords were cool. also mentioned my birthday offhand ONE TIME. one of The Guys remembered both instances and also happened to find a sword in a dumpster so he gave it to me for my birthday

- came in fifth in an arm wrestling competition

- french braided my hair in class bc i didn’t have time to do it beforehand. ended up with an audience of like 5+ guys trying to figure out how tf i was doing it

- told The Guys my college friends call me barbie. Mistake. suddenly had all 12 of them calling me Barbarian

- had some down time and made a silly little sculpture with some scraps. The Guys were endlessly intrigued by this and demanded to see some of my art school stuff. had a small crowd around my phone cheering loudly every time i swiped to a new picture

- accidentally mentioned the cafe i worked at. Mistake. several days later all 12 of them came in to bother me

- offered someone a haircut. Mistake. had to retract the offer bc suddenly Everyone wanted a haircut and it would Not Be Fair if i only did one

You know, it's very funny that the right-wing had a fat bug up its ass about "virtue signalling" when they can't stop doing shit like this

It's like: yes, thank you. you have expensive kit and an agreeable muscle-to-fat ratio and you have the same opinion most other people have. thank you for signalling your virtue to us. We know that you are a good american boy. Liked shared and subscribed.

You have signaled your virtues and the signal has been received loud and clear, thank you. You really want us to know you're ready to hurt bad people.

except. I gotta say.

why did you go to all that effort only to wear these fuckin little boy shoes

Magpul PMAG is about 2.5" across. Measuring the pixel count in this, front to back on the showing side of the pmag is about 32 pixels. That means each inch is 12.8 pixels. Measuring from between his feet to the point in the helmet where his head would stop, using the position of his night vision as a reference, this man's height is 849 pixels. Divide 849 by 12.8 and you get 66.32". This man is Five feet, Six inches tall.

Slug monster

i can’t believe superwholock existed as one the largest fandom(s) on this website. there hasn’t been a trace of it on my dashboard in years. No mention, no whisper. a ghost. i still follow people who reblogged it. i myself reblogged it. and yet here we are, not daring to ever mention it. im risking my life making this po

For those new to this site, “Superwholock” was the crossover fandom for the overlap of three of the biggest individual fandoms on tumblr - soup, the Finnish municipality of Perho, and Enlightenment philosopher John Locke.

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

whatever dude

please tell me how umbreon is between a dog and a mollusk

no

I love to make meth in the subway with what appear to be sugar packets

Person who never takes public transit seeing a classic “random shit strewn about the train car”: oh god. Oh god. Is this meth.

The Alchemist of the Subway

Green cap bottles are Zyrtec, OTC allergy medication. Pretty sure red cap bottle is Tylenol. What does the NY Post think meth is made out of

"chemicals"

Some of that is straight up loose dog food

do you think Link's used the master sword to chop up veggies

ラウルさま

My tribute to Zelda Tears of the Kingdom!

The First King of Hyrule ✨🌿