dyrus

meow

the best feeling in the world is making a skill breakthrough in a video game and using it to grief everyone else

and now i am also over trying to make relations work and i am sad again

oh well

today i learned i can rely on my friends more and now i am fine 

i want to be slammed against the wall so hard that i can be released from it all

life update

i lost weight again so that's good

but my mental state is at an all time low because i got angry and the anger wont go away. which means when i'm not angry anymore it'll turn into sadness/depression then i'll feel like i dont deserve hapiness etc.

it wouldnt be as bad if i had something i wanted to play or if i had any kind of outlet but i dont.

i'm excited to play sf6 and that's about it

i made the choice to quit league and hoping i can reset myself to appreciate games again and not be hateful, i dont know what to do with my life anymore

well heres to another month of suffering woohoo

life update

i am doing better now mentally but worse weight wise since getting high = eat more

taking the roller coaster back down hehe

i'm gonna lose it soon

and it's either gonna be entertaining or a disaster

run while u still can

things i have learned about myself this year

even though i'm kinda big i'm submissive

femboys = a maybe for me

cuddles/love/care > sex

league of legends keeps me sane when there are no video games to play

ppl that are skinny or similar height are hella hot to me

i hope the riot fighter is good

i need to pay ppl to do things i'm terrible at or i will suffer a lot

biggest closet degen when it comes to giant women

spending money = stress relief ( bought a prebuilt pc cause i'm lazy and cheap )

i'm terrified of slipping up and not being true to myself when it comes to friends

getting high = a mistake

getting drunk= mistake

i want to be competitive again because without it i will get bored and depressed

i havent been here in awhile heres a life update

quit wow addiction ( thank god )

was with a girl for three months then we randomly broke up ( i still dont understand why it happened )

burning out on league but finding ways to have fun by getting high and playing it with friends.

playing coh3 with friends

reinstalled vr since i dont have to limit myself from being a degen

once my taxes are done i lose weight again and go mess around in japan ( food + arcade )

ive pretty much given up on relationships, idc anymore tired of wasting time to just get fucked over mentally.

other then that

life is ok thanks for reading

the more i play wow the more my faith in humanity is on a roller coaster. meeting people ranging from literal dirt bag of humans to people who are just the nicest people on the planet.

nothing i say is gonna help in the long run

but it's always nice to know that ur not alone in your struggles and i'm sure you'll find others that feel the same and share ur pain

hoping for a game to hook me in 2023 happy new years

need some therapy frfr

tumblr has always been my place to vent to be myself, i appreciate you guys and want to tell you that I will stream low stress games on my whyhellotheredyrus account again for a more personal experience for myself to destress

idk when but it will be more common

https://www.twitch.tv/whyhellotheredyrus

got it from newyork anime

preseason be like