Welcome to Clown Corp. [insert name here]!
As you can see you are a newly hired over the phone Sales Representative for our Clown Makeup Department! How honktastic is that! Now that we have you here for the time being there are a few guidelines before we can let you get to your Clown cubicle and start selling the highest quality products for all the circus's around the world!
Guideline for Over the Phone Sales Representatives numero uno! You must always at work wear our products! White makeup will be provided, wig must be purchased, same with clown attire and shoes. This is a mandatory guideline all employees have to follow. Failure to follow this guideline will result in the termination of your position at Clown Corp.!
Guideline for Over the Phone Sales Representative numero dos! Communication amongst your colleagues is not prohibited! This guideline is mandatory, failure to follow this guideline will result in your immediate termination from Clown Corp.; unless you have purchased your Colleague Communications License (CCL) at the gift shop, you can otherwise disregard this guideline!
Guideline for Over the Phone Sales Rep. number three. Upsell.
Guideline for Over the Phone Sales Representative numero quatro! You must at all times... oh screw it, you're already on your way out the door anyways. We lose so many employees at this part of the job introduction that we're on the verge of bankruptcy. Losing it all. I haven't slept in months and all of these guidelines are broken hourly.
I hate it here. We all do, but we do this not because of the money; which is exponentially more worth it than an hourly wage slave rate by the way; we do this to have the chance to make someone out there have a good day. To get away from the monotony of life and enjoy a circus. Enjoy the clowns. The absurd goofiness of these heroes are what we help create a better world. Are there a few bad apples that use our company, unfortunately yes, but those monsters we try to weed out from our services quickly before any harm could be done again.
Guideline for Over the Phone Sales Representative numero cinqo! A smile goes a long way! Use it! Please! Please. Please smile. If not for the company, do it for the [insert group of people for sympathy reasons]. They'll enjoy the jovial sound from an ear to ear grin. If this guideline isn't followed, you will follow it. By force. Don't be a Debby Downer! She couldn't follow this guideline, and she had to be given a new name!
Name: Deborah Julia Powell. Race: Caucasian. Age: 24. Height: 5'4". Cause of Death: Drowning. Notable Details on Corpse: Clown makeup with a single tear drop on left cheek, scars starting from the edges of the lips to the base of the back of the skull, eyes removed from skull, needle marks all over left arm, cuts on thighs and arms.
WOW! Debby Downer? More like Debby Drowner!
your fate if you break all the guidelines will be far worse than hers.
And with that, we conclude your introduction to your new position to Clown Corp.! Now get on to clowning around you crazy you and remember...
