dunkelstegeist

when virginia woolf said “I feel like a dead blue sea—can’t feel any more.”

Normal People E10

relating to marianne sheridan is feeling awful about yourself until someone wants you, needing someone else's validation to feel good but never getting it, hating yourself but also thinking you're the smartest person in every room, achieving but things that don't even matter that much to you just to prove to yourself and everyone around you that you can, the constant need to show everyone that you're worth something but still always feeling like you're never doing enough, wanting to work more but not being able to make yourself do anything, gifted kid burnout, feeling alone most of the time, feeling like you were born sad and can never be truly happy for a longer period of time, wanting to end it but being in love with life...

She presses her face into his one remaining clean T-shirt. He holds her tightly, his body adjusting itself to hers like the kind of mattress that’s supposedly good for you. She softens into his arms. She starts to seem calmer. Their breathing slows into one rhythm. NORMAL PEOPLE (2020) dir. Lenny Abrahamson, Hettie Macdonald

This could be us. But I got attachment issue

165.

Suatu hari, doa-doamu akan Dia jawab dengan cara-Nya. Mungkin sedikit lebih lama, kamu diminta untuk menanti dengan penuh kesabaran.

Ada banyak keresahan. Pasti. Undangan pernikahan yang datang setiap pekan. Teman sebaya yang telah menggendong bayi, juga pandangan mereka tentang kamu yang sudah seharusnya menikah.

Kamu masih berada di ambang pertanyaan, sudah pantaskah? Sebabnya beberapa kali yang coba datang kamu abaikan. Bukan, bukan karena terlalu pemilih tapi memang belum waktunya.

Prosesmu tidak akan sama dengan teman yang lain. Banyak pertimbangan untuk melaju ke arah sana. Sementara tekanan dan tuntutan dari keluarga dan kerabat sudah menguras tenaga dan cukup memusingkan kepala.

Hingga kelak Dia sendiri yang akan menuntun hati dan langkahmu. Dia pula yang akan menggerakkan hatimu untuk terbuka menerima seseorang dengan segenap keridhoan.

Hilang sudah keraguan berganti segenap keyakinan. Pun sirna segala ketakutan berganti keberanian. Akan banyak sujud syukur penuh kepasrahan dan keharuan dalam proses ditemukan dan menemukan.

Semoga jika seseorang itu datang kamu pun telah menjadi sebaik-baik dirimu untuk dibawa menuju ketaatan. Selamat terus membaik, duhai hati yang mendamba kebaikan🌻.

Selamat berproses ke arah yang lebih baik. Beriringan, namun belum di jalan yang sama. Semoga bertemu kembali di penghujung jalan, dear ⭐️

Blue Valentine (2010)

I kinda like a movie that could portrayed a reality despite it could make your heart hurtsssss

Blue Valentine (2010) Dir. Derek Cianfrance

Bawlingggg

What do you think about love at first sight? You think you could love somebody by just looking at them?

— Unknown

:(

Mencintaimu; barangkali seperti laut mencintai pantai, tahu kapan harus pasang dan bila harus surut dan tenang.

Tell me where it hurts, she'd say. Stop howling. Just calm and show me where

But some people can't tell where it hurts.

They can't calm down.

They can't ever stop howling.

—Margaret Atwood, from The Blind Assassin

I was like the patient who cannot explain to the doctor where it hurts,

Only that it does.

— Khaled Hosseini , And the Mountains Echoed