The Softest of Boys

fucker finally broke twitter permanently I think, or put refreshing your timeline and tweeting behind paywall

he IS putting tweeting behind a paywall! and reading tweets! oh my god

Deep in the article, there’s this nugget:

When people say “fuck u/spez,” this is Spez. I do not have the sort of imagination that can readily convert the way Reddit communities currently work to “businesses.”

This sounds like making Tumblr the new PDF

With the power of cryptocurrency, you too can invest in r/overwatchfeet

put in the tags:

woke up today and realized that tumblr entirely killed fuck ya life bing bong so here ya go again

Spent this week on making a bunch of faux oldschool anime screencaps. Had a blast making these, I’m especially happy with the background in the third one. I’ll probably keep making these, so look forward to more of these in the future!

magnets and an old mac classic

your killing her

no its like cunnilingus

Sometimes, a fic doesn't have to get published, it can just be a series of messages on a Discord channel, between a dedicated group of friends going "oooh, you know what else would be cool?" continuously over a period of weeks and months :)

This is the closest I've ever gotten to making up stories around a fire with friends btw.

Me, in a hushed voice, dramatically, while roasting a marshmallow over the fire: And so... The Blorbo that was sad and alone... Was not alone anymore.

My friends, collectively, every single time (while also roasting marshmallows): Oh my god, The Blorbo wasn't alone anymore... 😭😭😭

This is entirely valid and I think we as a society have put so much value on completed, polished narratives that we forget how this kind of storytelling can be just as much fun. Maybe you aren't a novelist, and can't polish it into a traditional novel-style story... But who cares? It was fun to make , it was fun to hear, and that's what really matters.

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

i really do love “they put their whole pussy into this” because that really is the only way to describe things sometimes. there really are things out there that are so good it is clear that they were putting their whole pussy into it during the creation process. like art. and strawberry lemonade. many such cases

Hi, Clair. I’d like to come in and talk with you. Would that be all right?

This is the Batman we need to see more often. The one who remembers what it was like to be a scared child, one who knows how to handle situations delicately.

One of the reason why I love batman so much. He is portrayed as a very careful and guarded man. But he is probably the most human out of anyone. It’s why he is the knight that gotham deserves. 

Re: that last panel - 

Batman, when he’s written correctly, is an extremely compassionate person. 

I always feel the need to reblog this because it’s definitely something I feel was lost in the Nolan films. 

The thing about Bruce is he believes he is not a good man, but he is.

“I’m stepping a little closer now, okay?”

That sentence means so much

I always see this post without the follow up, which is my favorite part

To quote Red from OSP - “Can you imagine your Batman comforting a scared child? If yes, congratulations, that’s a genuine Batman! If no, you haven’t written Batman, you’ve just written Punisher in a funny hat.”

!!!

Oh that last bit 👀🖤🖤🖤

[Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse director Phil Lord on whether the “42″ references are in honor to Jackie Robinson or The Negative Zone] : it’s a reference to a lot of things… 🙃

HOBIE BROWN aka. SPIDER-PUNK SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (2023)

need the mutuals to know that when you guys reblog posts from me I go 'teeheeheehee they love me <33'

'#this is an adhd thing apparently#but man my therapist does not get it; she's always like but won't it feel good to have this thing you're avoiding done??#and i'm like no. i might feel relieved briefly but that's honestly not enough to motivate me to do the thing' I ran into something on birdsite recently that framed it that, for us, it's not 'getting it done' but curiosity about the process that's a motivaotr & i've been poking that to see what comes out, no real conclusions yet but it's an interesting approach

This is the funniest thing I've ever read. I would have LOVED to see that

@gaypiratebrainrot

came back wrong but its from the perspective of the person who came back

Seeing pictures of yourself -the real you, the one people miss, the one people look for in your eyes- is like staring into a foggy mirror. The parts are there, you think, but the details are lost.

Someone who loves you makes you breakfast. You thank him and eat it despite the fact the eggs are too crisp on the sides and missing much needed salt. He says its how you like it, but that just makes your frustrations boil.

How I used to like it, you want to say, how I used to be.

You grip your butter knife harder and light catches the polished metal. The glimpse you catch of yourself in the cutlery looks nothing like the photo on the mantle.

Yeah my name is Tim, short for OpTIMus Prime

[id: tags saying "wait wait i wanna know where they plan on using their full name, why'd you cut it off"]

answer: THEIR WEDDING.

I can't describe to you the emotion I would feel if I was hanging out with my friend Tim and he was like "hey we've been friends for a while now I want to show you something," and he hands me his driver's license, upon which I read "Optimus Prime Jones"

when i saw the headline ‘golf digest helps free man from prison’ i thought it was gonna be, like

“he’s clearly in the background of this golf photo! that proves he wasn’t at the crime scene!!”

as opposed to, like

“this guy in prison sent us his cool golf fanart but we didn’t want to promo a serial killer, so we looked into his case and thought it looked pretty flimsy and probably racially motivated”

(here’s the first article from 2012 and the followup)

this was a fucking wild ride in a GOLF MAGAZINE

“It’s embarrassing for the legal system that for a long time the best presentation of the investigation was from a golf magazine.” OH MY GOD