never beating the nervous prey animal allegations

anyone: hey

me immediately:

fade into you is actually the song of all time. mornings evenings car drives walks sunsets heartbreak joy when it rains when the sun sets headaches and most importantly sex

“do we think maybe a vegetable would cause less despair” still living in my head rent free

Watching Home Alone is so funny it’s like

Kevin’s mom: *hyperventilating into a paper bag* I can’t believe I left my son home alone, he has to be so terrified, my poor baby boy all alone I need to go get him-

Kevin: *actively planning to commit war crimes*

There are, at every turn, adults trying to help Kevin. He is not trapped in that house, he goes shopping like three times. He convinces the pizza delivery guy that there’s an old guy there trying to murder him. Kevin knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing and what he is doing is psychological warfare

Petition to make Home Alone a PG-13 movie at LEAST so the Wet Bandits can call Kevin a little shit on-screen

Actually no. Rated R. I want to watch Kevin kill a man

It started out as a random burglary but the SECOND Kevin shot that dude in the dick it became personal

I just realized that like. Until the end of the movie Kevin never figured out his family straight up forgot him at home. He truly thought he had fucking magicked them away with his wish that night and that he had magic powers. No wonder the kid was so full of hubris with those robbers he had the power of God and Santa on his side

Okay movie’s over. I have unironically and genuinely come to the conclusion that Kevin is a child prodigy and will possibly the most intelligent person on the planet once he’s full grown. Not only is he able to outsmart the Wet Bandits (great name), he outmaneuvers the police, shoplifts at least once, and rigs up multiple contraptions including a fake house party, a get-chickened fan+feather combo, and a homemade door-activated flamethrower. He does this all while convincing everybody that he’s just a tiny helpless kid.

In fact, at the beginning of the movie, Kevin has his entire extended family convinced he’s so helpless he can’t even pack a suitcase. I bet him attacking Bud and getting sent to his room early was a ploy to keep from having to share the bed with his bed-wetting cousin. At the end of the movie, one of his cousins says something like “Kevin went shopping? He can’t even tie his shoelaces!” This kid is playing his entire family like puppets and they have no idea

Like hell it does, that is reads like a 6k post at best. There’s no bit, no clown to gang up on. This post plays into the website’s deep appreciation of Kevin McAllister and his sadism but that can only take us so far. Study tumblr theory and come back to be the clown this post will ride to 40k if you truly want to bring us to victory. And also me to deep shame for having a viral post about Kevin fucking McAllister

Watching you suspiciously. Have I made myself the clown of the post again I cannot be three for three on this dude

Hey what are you doing. Hey.

What the fuck did yall do???

they knew too much and kevin got them

To clarify, this is a war crime, the Geneva convention bans the targeting of medical transport. There's no caveats. It doesn't actually matter who's driving it.

The last month has taught me that apparently all the Geneva convention is really good for is getting indie games to change a red medical cross to some other medical cross and that it can do fuck all about actual war crimes.

For those who don't understand the kid is screaming: "I'm here dad! Come here!" His father comes and asks him: "where is your mother?" The kid cries: "she died, she died."

Then the child explains that his foot is injured and his father tries to comfort him.

This is evil. The child literally met his dad at the hospital by accident, he watched his mom die and had to break the news to his father. What kind of power will save these children from this trauma? I know children in gaza are so strong and resilient, but children are children regardless.

Use your voice to end this genocide. Enough, CEASEFIRE NOW!

“I wish I could drink water as much as I want. I want to take a shower at my convenience........I want to breathe clean air not contaminated with gunpowder or the smell of sewage or garbage. I want to live 5 minutes of calm without the sound of drones or artillery or bombings. Are human rights this difficult on the planet?" - Rasha Abushaban from Gaza

one thing i love about supernatural is sam and dean thinking that bobby singer is a crotchety paranoid old bastard, and then repeatedly finding out that he has a network of more crotchety paranoid old bastards with special skills to help our two pretty boys like a reverse charlie’s angels. and they all react violently upon hearing that bobby sent them. bobby singer what did you do to those old men

ITS A NEW SOUNDTRACK BTW. IF YOU EVEN CARE!!!!

Stealing my friends post valor

twink x twunk romance is DYING!! reblog if u love RE-ANIMATOR !

some of the letters quoted in Love Letters to the Beatles (selected by Bill Adler), 1964

motherfucker said PROFESSIONAL

Here on tumblr we are all professionals.

just opened threads. it's basically a fake app from a tv show that a teenage girl uses right before being murdered by cyberbullies. not doing that again

the star wars franchise has been milked to death at this point but god there is something so charming about the first trilogy... society if movies with a big budget had some emotion put into them

smallest cat to ever exist spotted playing with a uranium nucleus like a ball of yarn