Thoughts...

Right now I need a beautiful life.

I can’t decide if you were a mistake or a waste of time.

I need you to be the love of my life, but right now the pain is too high.

I wish you could see me the way God does.

I wish you knew the pain in my heart and I wish I knew what occupied yours.

Every moment I feel my heart breaking a little more, but still it beats.

I wish I could save you from yourself.

I miss your eyes.

I miss the way you would look at me while you thought I wasn’t watching.

I wish this would end.

I wish this were all a dream and that I had never met you.

I wish you were still here.

I wish I were enough for you to love.

I miss your arms and the peace that they would bring.

I still dream about you and I think I always will.

I wish these five years were over because I want the final answer.

Taylor Swift

He Said, She Said

I thought that I could trust him, but apparently he never even knew me.  Turns out my love was wasted.  There are so many rumors about me telling people that he was using me.  Here’s the big shocker: that never happened.  Having only truly opened up to four people, well I guess they did not consider the fact that I actually did love him.  I would never say that about someone I love.  That love is gone due to the shattered trust created once he chose to believe in the lies.  My guess is that I never truly had him anyway.

Demi Lovato

The Girl in the Country Song

In every country song there’s at least one girl mentioned.  Usually she has her heart broken or her beauty brings the man to his knees.  However, there is so much more to her than the love that she holds or used to hold.  She is intelligent, ambitious, energetic, and she decides her own definition for beauty.  Most of all she knows she is the daughter and the princess of God.  She would choose to listen to His will even if it causes her pain.  This is who I aspire to be.  I have the strong and independent part down, but my goal would be a Proverbs 31 woman.  One day I would love to be a godly wife and mother, but right now He has other plans for this season.  Right now I am meant to glow on this college campus and lead people to His grace just by letting them see my life.  This sounds amazing, but a lot of the time it sucks.  Almost all of my friends are getting engaged, married, and having children.  Me on the other hand, I am dealing with heartbreak and just trying to become the who I am capable of being.  Everyday I stand before God ready for instruction, but there is still yearning in my heart.  I want the whole package, but I’m not receiving it.  Not in this season at least.  Even with loneliness I refuse to settle because I know my worth.  Only God knows who and what in life is even worthy of my presence.  More than ever I am seeking Him and trying to hold on tight.  One day I will be that beautiful girl in the country song on the radio.