Here

Charlie Day doppelganger: NBA player Josh McRoberts

I refuse to believe that isn’t charlie day

The gang infiltrates the nba.

Oh I’m an asshole.

So today pulling into Stop and Shop, this lady cut me off and nearly drove into me, and then, when I tried to pass her, she swung to the right and nearly hit me again, and then flipped me off.

So somebody is having a bad day and taking it out on me. That’s fine. It’s harmless, and I don’t know what’s going on in this woman’s life. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt she’s not just a piece of shit and is just having a bad day.

But then I park and she follows me, and gets out of the car and starts swearing at me and getting in my face.

Now I go from “indifferent” to “I’m gonna fuck with this woman’s head.” Now I would say I’m a gentleman of size, and in all black and bemohawked I probably look spookier than I actually am, so props to this lady for getting in my face. Now of course I’m not going to hit her, or even threaten violence. That’s shitty. Nobody should get threatened with violence.

Instead, I take a step back, narrowing my eyes like I’m studying her face really closely, and then I touch one of the several piece of “occulty” jewelry I’m wearing (none of which, by the way, are magicked in any way at all). Then I mumble some nonsense under my breath, and then make the fig gesture and the horns at her.

She stops, wide-eyed.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?”

I chuckled, and shake my head. “Nothing at all.” I say in a not-terrible convincing voice. “But every time something bad happens to you today, you’re gonna be thinking of me.”

Then I winked at her, and walked away.

what the hell

I need to watch this now. 

it’s a hilarious film

JESUS?? 

JESUS????

i had no idea they were so frickin huge

I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them

Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?

Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens

Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.

So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish

yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable

a true inspiration

I bet they are secretly thinking some big fish thoughts.

okay but why the music in the video make it seem like the fish bouta give someone the succ

getting random sharp pain in your organs is a lot like when your check engine light comes on in your car. you dont know what it means so you just ignore it and hope you dont blow up

Yep gotta love American HealthCare.

SIMPLE PLAN PLAYED WHATS NEW SCOOBY DOO AT EPCOT

I’M SCREAMING!

An iconic bop

this is legendary.

Love this! Her pieces are dope af. 

10/10 would hang her work in my home.

¾ studies of the bois

me: *using christmas lights instead of a ouija board*

someone: what are you doing. theres no one in the lights why are you talking to them

me:

“You can’t block the gay” should be on a tshirt.

IM SORRY BUT THIS IS FUNNY

happy pride month you can’t block the gay

This pickup line will always work trust me im a brit

Every computer needs a “cleaning keyboard” mode where the keys would be inactive while you wipe them down

so my 14y/o daughter got into an argument with her high school principle yesterday for fighting. an older boy had come up to her and asked her out, but when she said no and tried to walk away he grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back. so she punched him and broke his nose. her principle then told her she should have “heard him out” and “it’s not like the boy actually hurt her” so her response was “inappropriate”. so my daughter then chewed out her male principle in the middle of the school corridor about rape culture and that if that was his attitude then he should probably quit teaching forever because all he was doing was teaching girls to be quiet victims and teaching boys that it was okay to touch girls against their will and then she pointed right in his face and said “men like YOU are why my mum taught me how to punch people properly”. she got a round of applause from 2 female teachers listening in and i have never been such a proud mama

this

HOW DID YOU FIND MY CRYING SHED

Been looking at this for a while, and something about it seemed off.  Something else is going on here, behind the scenes.  And it hit me.

Look at where the floor is.  Her legs, in order to reach it, must be Liefeldian in length!  And then the obvious solution presented itself.

She’s standing on a dog!

No wonder this man is in here crying. She is a monster.

Far be it from me to argue with someone with nineteen years and counting of artistic experience, but that is exactly what I’m going to do, right now! Watch me! 

Yes, examination of that background and the marks on the floor of the shed lead me to the conclusion that there’s a great big hill of sand for her to be standing on. Thus obviously the reason he’s crying is that he’s just finished sweeping and now she’s letting all the sand in. As someone who spent many years at a summer camp with a sandy bank by the lake, and who was often made to sweep his own bunk, I can assure you that this is an unforgivable offense. Sand is the worst and there is always more of it. 

I will give you that there definitely appears to be sand.  However, it’s a clearly not a solid fixture of sand which would support the weight of an adult human woman.  

Unless…

now he can’t even close the door

fuck you, lady

This is the reason I am on tumblr

#someone photoshop Anakin’s face on the guy

ok

problem solved 

Y’all I came on tumblr for this kind of shit I’m so impressed

i witnessed the most fascinating thing today imo…my 4th grade art class were talking while they did their work and one of them was like “if you work hard all your life…….it means NOTHING” and their response was to all crack up and start running with this bit like. “you work all your life on an oil painting. the mayor comes in. he says ‘i didn’t even ask you to do that painting.’” they kept going giving examples of nothing mattering and laughing hysterically. they’re 9. like, we think OUR humor is depressing or w/e, how are THEY going to be

Millennials are depressed but the Gen Z kids are straight up nihilists

why are non-millennials so personally offended by everything? like if i’m still wearing my jacket indoors, it’s because i’m cold, not because i disrespect your home/your classroom !! if somebody has got your order wrong, it’s because they’re very busy and simply made a mistake, not because they’re trying to jeopardise your meal !! if somebodies phone rings during a meeting/lecture, it’s because they accidentally forgot to put it on silent, not because they want to disrupt your speech !! just calm down, sharon, not everything is about you

my personal favorite is when you yawn and they’re like “am I boring you?”

like bitch i’m running on five hours of sleep and chronic anxiety 

WAT THE FUCK. WAT THE FUCKING FUCK I HOPE HE DIES. I DIDNT KNOW THE EXTENT OF WAT HE DID WAT THE FUCK.

cant ever forget.

Some poor soul named Covfefe is gonna grow up hating their parents