Me, taking my pants off at the store to bring home two gallons of Arizona tea

Overwatch Anime style Opening

@brandnewphysics

Im gonna blog this here because Jeremy Irons is a genius.

THE LUAU THING WAS IMPROVISED I’M SCREAMING

Man, y’all, I legit remember watching stuff about the CG wildebeests when I was a kid and it was mind-blowing. I recently re-watched just that scene and it is still amazing.

Awww…

this man made his own version of the lion king with his new born. and is…. is that…. coconut oil he rubbed on her forehead. I’m done!!!

I AM SO FUCKING DONE

He’s so intense and then the hospital staff!!

Alicia keys be like…

I fucking snorted this is too much lmao

FU C K 😂😂😂😂😂😂

*rolls in 84 years late with a Starbucks* Time to show off the art pieces I did for the McHanzo fanzine, To Ashes @toashesfanzine!

First was for @ceata88, second for @aughtpunk, and third was for @sora-lynn

Thanks to all who supported the zine, it was a blast to work on and I’m happy it’s brought so much joy to you all after everything the fandom’s been through. Special thanks to the wonderful nerds who made the zine possible and for letting a dork like me be a part of it lol

Commissions || AO3 || Twitter || Ko-Fi|| Storenvy

I have been thinking about this for fucking hours

original video link

I have been thinking about this for fucking hours

original video link

Deep.

THISS LITERALLY JUST FUCKED ME UP

Agreed ^^

just a couple o mchanzo meet-cute comics about raising dragons

[leave a tip]

I’m not proud of how hard I laughed at this 😂

Pure genius. 😂😂

fuck me

every time I laugh so hard i get scared I’m gonna pee

My favorite meeeeeme

Is he for real 😳 Like damn ✊🏿 Black Excellence

He’s backkkkkkk

Somebody give this kid a job

His editing skills and creativity are fucking amazing

Why tf is he not making millions already like damn. Thats fucking talent. Respect ✊🏾

He’s Isaiah Howard, IsaiahXavier10 on Twitter

Reblogging for his name. ✊✊✊🔥🔥🔥

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[fic] with tactics and skillfulness

todobakudeku feat. inappropriate quirk usage and double penetration _(┐「ε:)_

The attack is over in seconds. Smoke and blood in his eyes, he struggles to see the vision in front of him, though there’s no need for that when his opponent grinds their foot into his shoulder.

A cool voice cuts through the haze in his mind. “Do you concede?”

He staggers to his feet. At least, the Izuku in his head does. The Izuku on his cut-open cheek pressed to the concrete, manacles of ice digging into his wrists and ankles, laid out like a gutshot deer in front of Todoroki - does not.

A hacking cough tears its way out his throat. Like moving his muscles through molasses, he raises his eyes off the ground to meet Todoroki’s.

“That’s 4-6, in your favour,” he says with a grin.

Todoroki kneels down beside Izuku and melts the cuffs away. He holds out a hand towards Izuku. “Sorry,” he says, “Did I go too far?”

“It’s fine,” Izuku says, even as he struggles to get a firm grip on Todoroki’s hand with shaking fingers.

Todoroki sighs. Before Izuku can protest, Todoroki’s flipped him on his back and hauled Izuku up against his chest, bridal-style.

“T-T-Todo-Todoroki-kun!?”

“If you fidget I might drop you,” Todoroki warns.

“You don’t have to - I can walk perfectly fine - ”

“Even if you can,” Todoroki smirks, “I plan to change that pretty soon.”

Izuku flushes. He groans and buries his head in Todoroki’s chest. “Every time you win you ask for the same thing…”

“The last time you won I had to wear cat kigurumin to bed for a week,” Todoroki says flatly.

“But you looked cute in it!” Izuku protests. Cuddling was extra soft and comfy that week too.

“Careful I don’t make you wear cat ears next time,” Todoroki says. “Cat ears and nothing else.”

Keep reading

the vehicle I need for the zombie apocalypse

Congratulations homemadehooplah for having the winning submission January 7, 2017!

inspired by reading Always With Me by @claroquequiza​ and Fool’s Gold by @leoandlancer

I just want Hanzo to be a dragon but them to Also Kiss

happy goddamn new year

ohhh its amazing! beautiful!