I leaned wayyyyy too much on my boyfriend 2023 next year I want to be independently productive and good. It’s just when I smell him I fall into a sleep state and he takes over my left brain somehow.

Not to blame my parents for my state of being or anything but sometimes I speak with them or simply observe and I’m like gasp. This. Is why.

This is the kinda year where I need to pull myself up by my boot straps and do everything I’ve been avoiding and focus on long term health and wellness even if it doesn’t provide me w insane dopamine and euphoria instantly. È difficile lo so ma devo farlo

Have to vision board for 2024. Desperately in need of vision. Even a pinch will do

Life is so mysterious!

Merry Christmas it wasn’t so sad in the end

Saddest Christmas of my life… I would like to sleep until next year. Trying to be strong and normal for everyone around me but I feel so empty and failure-ish. Want to build a blanket fort and hibernate. It’s sad when you just want to sleep because it’s painful to be awake for anything. Only up from here?

Non c’è nessuno bello come te and ti amo 💔

Oh ladies, I cannot wait to enlighten you with my recent failures. I always share my humiliations with you all so that you can do better

Hope was a letter I never could send

Love was a country we couldn’t defend

I will no longer cut my life up into chapters or sizeable bits in order to digest or understand or feel more appropriate. I am all that I have been. My little me lives on in me, she will get what she needs as much as I do

My mom is so cute bc she reads and thinks she has to respond to IG messages in real time. I’m like no mom this is like a nether space. But she will DM me back like “Sorry was just downstairs making a coffee. Give me a sec gonna read now what you sent” Ugh 🩷

Named her after a beautiful flower

It's intimidating to even type this because I've been oversleeping to avoid thinking deeply about anything and it's heavy to contemplate changing but I might try a week or two of waking up at 6am to handle basic individual necessities like writing, stretching, candlelit existence, reading, cleaning (why is cleaning so much more peaceful when nobody is awake?!). When I wake up later I feel immediately pulled into a life, a set of duties, obligations that aren't entirely reflective of what I feel I should be focusing on for myself but my life actually isn't and can't be all about me always so I have to organize myself differently and create a sense of balance between being there for myself and being there for others. Has anyone ever felt deeply changed by introducing a morning routine. About to start my field research