i lost everyone that mattered to me
2 a.m: I collapse to the bathroom floor, screaming, crying, yelling your name, a mixture of all three. I can see the vodka spilling out from its bottle; the strong scent makes me sicker than I already I am. My head is throbbing, my heart is racing, and still I am haunted by you. We had one night. One night was apparently enough for you but not for me. I want to be the one you hold as you fall asleep, I want to be the one that you can not get your mind off of. But no, you only wanted me for my body. You only wanted to use me for your own pleasure. I was willing to give you everything but you threw me away like an old piece of clothing that you once treasured but now you look back on and regret ever caring for it. And I hate you for that. I hate that to you I am just something that you can use for your pleasure. But most of all, I hate the fact that you could snap your fingers and I would coming running back into your arms.
I don't like myself. At all. In fact, I hate myself. I've been called so many things over the years and all of them have stuck: bitch, slut, stupid. I will always think that about myself. No matter how many compliments or kind words anyone says to me, I will always hate myself and who I am.
