could be, will be, still am; by god, still am

changing elves from being assholes with a superiority complex and recharacterising them as just sort of weird guys that have an entirely different set of social behaviours to harken back to the days when people thought autistic people were a kind of fae for having odd behaviours. the entire reason why they dont particularly enjoy gatherings of men or dwarves or whatever is because they tend to be loud and the average elven social gathering is just a bunch of them sitting in a room in silence ignoring each other

like theyre still kind of mean but its more of them being blunt and lacking empathy rather than being condescending or purposefully malicious

my elven ass after spending 45 minutes in the pub with my dwarf friends:

I GROW WEARY OF MIMICKING YOUR OBNOXIOUS MANNERISMS TO ACCOMMODATE FOR THIS ENVIRONMENT. I WISH TO RETURN TO MY CHAMBERS TO REST AND SO I MAY PLAY SPLATOON 3 ON THE NINTENDO SWITCH. WE SHALL GATHER AGAIN NEXT HALF MOON AND I SHALL TELL YOU OF MY VICTORIES.

them:

okay man take care

you understand my vision

Merry Christmas, and especially Merry Christmas to the fandom that started it all for me on here 🥺💕

the counterpoint to the millennial experience of thinking adult life would involve a lot more quicksand is that it turns out evil doomsday cults really are behind a lot of stuff irl. kind of a neat consolation prize

@portraitoftheoddity my dear friend... What?

Please explain and tell us your tale. You've apparently lived what so many of us feared to dream.

So, seven years or so ago, when I had been broken up with my fiancé for like, 4 years and was in the middle of my slut phase, my parents decided that the money they had set aside for 'wedding budget' was better used on a family vacation to Iceland, which was honestly 100% the right decision.

While we were there, we ended up hiking on a glacier with a guide, which was pretty fucking cool.

Now a thing about Iceland is it's volcanic af, so the glaciers all kinda look like cookies & cream, with a whole lot of very dark, very fine volcanic ash mixed in and striated with the ice. Ice which is also full of deep moulins and crevasses and other holes, and which forms a lot of runoff water when you're there in the middle of summer.

Turns out, ash is a very fine granular material!

Our guide, Víðarr, was very particular about us only stepping where he stepped, since he was very good at determining what was safe, solid ice, and what wasn't. The day was going pretty well with a gorgeous hike across this glacier, until I took a step about 8 inches to the left of where Víðarr stepped.

What looked like ground was in fact quicksand, which I learned very quickly as I was schloped into freezing glacial quicksand up to my thigh and made a very undignified sound.

Víðarr, being a professional, immediately leapt into action, holding out his ice axe for me to grab on to so he could yank me out to safety (with a lot more schlorping noises).

My parents, being jerks (affectionate), told him "no no no, put her back in, we need a picture!!!" because they were laughing their asses off at my predicament.

I, being surprised, wet, cold, and very startled that quicksand was an actual problem in my life, mostly continued to make undignified and distressed sounds.

So anyway, that's how my non-wedding lead to me falling in quicksand on top of a glacier downwind of a volcano, and summarily hiking several miles in one frozen and ash-black pantleg and boot across the Icelandic countryside to the immense entertainment of my family. And if a dude named Víðarr tells you to only step where he steps, ONLY STEP WHERE HE STEPS.

Eddie comes home from touring and goes full flying squirrel

the “bad guys” in hallmark movies end up always being the most respectful men ever.

because they will find out their girlfriend of 3 years (that they were about to propose to) went off to a random farm in minnesota, hours away from were the two of them built a life together, and she decided to just… stay there without even consulting him.

and then he decides to take a trip to make sure she’s okay, because this is generally alarming behavior, and then sees that she literally fell in love with her ex within one (1) week- and he wasn’t there, but you can TELL that they’ve made out a couple times.

and then she just strings him along for a few days, until fucking christmas eve, when she just breaks up with him and is like “i know we used to have the same values, but i’ve never loved you. mark makes me happier than you ever did. and you ONLY care about work, whereas i like christmas and fun, like a Good Person.”

and then, after finding out his entire relationship was a lie and he had his life turned upside down in a week and he got dumped on christmas, this guy’s just like “ok yeah that makes sense. i only wish you the best of happiness with mark. i hope you guys build a great life together in christmastreefarmville. thank you for everything.”

An AU where two Hallmark Christmas Bad Guys are both getting flights back to New York after being dumped by their respective Smalltown Blonde Girlfriends, and they bond over their shared experiences and fall in love in the departures lounge

@teashoesandhair your wish is my command :)

Probably, Levi should be more upset.

Probably he is still in shock. Right? He looks out of his taxi window (it's not technically a taxi, just some guy named Corey who offered him a ride to the airport, because Uber doesn't operate in fucking Tinyville, Bumfuck Middle-Of-Nowhere, Utah) and tracks water droplets racing each other down the glass, because of course it's raining, and his bad knee is killing him. 

Levi sniffs and rubs at his eyes and then pulls out his phone and books a ticket back to New York, wincing as four hundred and twenty-six dollars are deducted from his bank account. 

And, like, he should definitely be more upset.

He just got broken up with. He was engaged, for God's sake. A four-year relationship… over. Just like that. 

Corey says, "Ten minutes to the station." 

Listen, there's no secret mankind won't one day know and perhaps regret knowing

snout beast animals that look like this top contenders:

there's like a tiktok thing rn where parents show off the quirky fun ways they're "punishing" their children around christmas time as if it's a cute seasonal diy and it's all genuinely so sick and concerning. a woman smugly painting and wrapping a rock in gift wrap to pull some revenge stunt on her 3(!!) year old for misbehaving the day before, a man throwing a (fake) present into the oven in front of his kindergarten kids, referring to them as "little fuckers" and recommending other parents do the same to really get them good. ideally if they still believe in santa. ending with a close up on their heartbroken sobbing little faces, on a maybe 8 year old girl burying her red face in her hands and turning away from the camera because she's old enough to be embarrassed about being recorded for mommy's clicks while she's crying but unable to do anything about it, on a little boy in 101 dalmatians pajamas pulling his knees to his chest and crying in such a way you can tell he's even trying to do it quietly. i don't want to go into detail on what kind of ghouls even watch this content. and the way it's exacerbated by the social media spectacle too- literally egging each other on to pull off the most click-worthy and unique prank channel style punishments, exposing private and embarrassing situations to a platform used by millions, all to lap up the validation and praise of the completely random strangers that you publicly humiliate your child for. if this demented shit teaches them anything it'll be a deep and personal appreciation for this meme

midsummer smooch 🌿 wanting warmer weather so badly

HAPPY WITCHMAS! ❄️

i nearly scrolled past this like a fool

maybe this is insensitive but i think if it's such a problem to see puppy masks or bdsm harnesses at pride for u well i think you could probably just look away into a different direction. like i feel like you can just turn yr head and it won't be a problem probably anymore.

they actually make some really cool products that can help keep you from seeing stuff you don’t want to see!

Highly recommend picking up something like this if you want to keep yourself from seeing kink when you’re out and about- it is a very strict preventative measure that should work completely.

12 Days of Merlinmas @merlin-fic-server

Day 6: The Death Song of Uther Pendragon

Didn't come out quite like I wanted it to but good enough

wet beast of a man

Anya Chalotra, Joey Batey and Freya Allan for Tudum.

i think about this scene every god damn day

“Shall I always be left behind when the Riders depart, to mind the house while they win renown, and find food and beds when they return?“  - Éowyn, White Lady of Rohan

im sleep deprived and sad so i drew a little picture of yenskier to make myself feel better :3

It doesn't take a long time after they get together for Geralt to realize what kind of power he has over Jaskier.

Jaskier: *is about to do something stupid that will probably get both of them injured or killed*

Geralt: *putting an arm over Jaskier’s waist* / *grabbing Jaskier’s hand and kissing it* / *stretching so his shirt rises, exposing his abs* / *giving Jaskier a suggestive look*

Jaskier: *totally forgets whatever he was about to do, focusing entirely on Geralt*